reozeno Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 Hi, im gonna go straight to the point. Im getting to know with this 1 girl, but not official yet. we have met and had a good vibe. Communicate almost daily. we haven't spend the night yet but recently she reveal that she slept with other man when my car was in workshop. Since we are not in relationship, i felt that i cant said much and also bit shock how casual she talk about it.i think i have develop bit of feeling. I dont feel good about it. Maybe she sleep around more. What should i go forward with this thing? Move on? Talk about it with her? *English is not my mother's tongue Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 l know what everyone else will say , you weren't together and bla bla bla, but l'd dump her like no tom.lf she was into you and you properly, she wouldn't be sleeping with other people, pretty simple. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ccas93 Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 it's not the fact that she slept with another guy at this stage, it's the fact that she candidly speaks about it to you, which I think is in pretty poor taste. Link to post Share on other sites
Author reozeno Posted August 18, 2022 Author Share Posted August 18, 2022 Ya, im thinking like that too. but want listen others opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 1 hour ago, reozeno said: Talk about it with her? What is there to talk about? You're either okay with it, or you're not. I find it strange that she told you this, to be honest. You have only met once, are not having sex, and didn't need to know. How did this even come up? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 She will sleep around more, it is her nature 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maldives Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 That would be a deal breaker for me I wouldn't pursue her 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Rinoa122 Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 (edited) How long have you been talking? Has it been going on for a couple months? Maybe she made it up. I know it sounds crazy, but not everyone is sane and the advice given to women to "make themselves look like they have options" in order to get the guy they want to make a move is pretty much all over the internet. I'm not saying that is a good thing, or a type of person I would want to take seriously, but it is a thing. Edited August 18, 2022 by Rinoa122 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 7 hours ago, reozeno said: Im getting to know with this 1 girl, but not official yet. we have met and had a good vibe. Communicate almost daily. we haven't spend the night yet but recently she reveal that she slept with other man when my car was in workshop. How long have you been talking? Why is she telling you about men she sleeps with? It seems like she's not serious about dating you. Delete and block her and pursue women who want what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 (edited) Technically she is in the clear. Still, I understand your feelings. Even if we are just seeing each other and nothing is official, if I discover he is flirting or sleeping with someone else, it is not cheating, but I would lose interest. When do you become exclusive in a relationship? Not everyone agrees. This is why openness is so important. If you are seeing someone, and assume she is not seeing anyone else, then you are playing by a different set of rules. Not fair. You determine your commitment to each other and to your relationship by the boundaries you set. Your expectations will differ if she is seeing other men (or you are seeing other women) than if it is understood that you are exclusive. That said. It is usually implied by the frequency and depth of your connection that exclusivity exists. It really does not need to be spelled out. Still, being clear about what you want is a wise idea. Then you can determine if you are on the same page. Plus, managing your relationship investment will be easier if you do this. There's also your health. Sexual relations with someone who is having sex with other people are risky. Going forward, keep in mind that everyone commits at their own pace. It is possible that you will be ready before the other person is, but this does not mean that the other person will not show up. You just really need to know so you won’t get blindsided. Edited August 18, 2022 by Alpacalia 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 Woman here. When I am interested in a man, even if it is in the early stages, there is no way I'm having sex with another man. I don't know if she thought that telling you this would make her more desirable in your eyes, or perhaps she's just very honest and doesn't see it as a big deal. Neither reason would sit well with me, but I'm not you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 I agree, I would not be having sex with another man if I was serious about pursuing a relationship with a new man. There is no way that I would jeopardize the possibility of that new relationship in that way. If you don’t let this go, two questions I would ask her - who is this guy and does she have feelings for him? And, what is her view on fidelity in a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 I'm of the opinion that if you hadn't both decided and agreed to be exclusive, she did nothing wrong. You don't have to like it, and you don't have to keep dating her if it bothers you. You could ask her to be exclusive now, of course. If she agrees, then there is no problem - unless you continue to fault her for keeping her options open earlier. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 21 minutes ago, central said: I'm of the opinion that if you hadn't both decided and agreed to be exclusive, she did nothing wrong. You don't have to like it, and you don't have to keep dating her if it bothers you. You could ask her to be exclusive now, of course. If she agrees, then there is no problem - unless you continue to fault her for keeping her options open earlier. Indeed Central I hear where you’re coming from but if you were to get into LTR w/someone would you rather be W/someone who banged others during the courting process or didn’t? I’d take the latter Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 (edited) 10 hours ago, reozeno said: we haven't spend the night yet but recently she reveal that she slept with other man when my car was in workshop. Strange that she divulged that information and slept with another man on the same day your vehicle was being repaired. Were you both planning a date and you couldn't meet because your vehicle was out of service? Edited August 18, 2022 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 such an interesting topic. i have no idea how id go about this tbh. hate to be in your shoes dude sorry. esp when u like her Link to post Share on other sites
Rider on the Storm Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 She slept with another man while your car was in the shop? I don't know how long you two have been talking, but it's difficult to envision a scenario where this woman is taking her relationship with you very seriously. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 Since she's clearly multi-dating, if you move forward with this, you can expect at least a bit more of the same until you "become official". If that's going to bother you, then you probably need to start barking up a different tree. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 She's not you type of girl...move on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 She can do whatever she wants but that she told you info that you have no business knowing (since you're not exclusive) is more of an issue and TMI. Since this sort of thing can't be unsaid and you now feel judgmental and uncomfortable towards her don't continue seeing her. I agree with Smackie - she's not your type of gal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 The thing is a lot of single women have a secret FWB somewhere so they have access to sex. Once they get into a relationship they let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 2 hours ago, alphamale said: Indeed Central I hear where you’re coming from but if you were to get into LTR w/someone would you rather be W/someone who banged others during the courting process or didn’t? I’d take the latter I wouldn't care. Most of the women I dated, and including the one I married, were seeing others when we first started dating. Once we got far enough along to choose to be exclusive, we were. In my view, we chose each other knowing we'd had other options, deciding we were the best match based on experience, NOT because we had no other options. Sure, it's nice if you are a desirable match for many, but just happen to meet your ideal match when neither of you is dating anyone else. Life is usually more complex than that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 Why did she tell you? And you need to be really sophisticated here, because sometimes people have crazy motives. She might have told you to push you away and tell you that she doesn't want to date you, that you're only a friend. She might have told you because she wants to be an aggressor, and she is planning to sleep with other men even while she hangs out with you. What is the context in which she told you this? Out of the blue? Did she say what her feelings were about you and her? Have you guys kissed yet? Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted August 18, 2022 Share Posted August 18, 2022 Or she may have told you to test your attitudes, find out if you want to control her, etc. Regardless, you should do what makes you feel comfortable. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Uruktopi Posted August 19, 2022 Share Posted August 19, 2022 (edited) You both were getting to know each other. By now you know her views on dating a bit better. To do what she did, to tell you or not: that´s her privilege. And which is your own one? To be happy or to find her less than compatible with your own views. If the latter, tell her in a respectful way that you are out of the " getting to know each other" experience. BTW that´s what I would do. Edited August 19, 2022 by Uruktopi Link to post Share on other sites
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