MM won't come to my house

[AngelLove]

I've been an OW to a MM for while. The problem is he wont come to my house even though I'm a single OW and live alone. Sometimes he's the first to broach the subject and even tells me he will book a day off or call on sick at work but when it comes to it he fails to follow through with reasons that doesn't add up.

This time I told him that I will be available the whole week since i'm off work only for him to come up with, he might have to stay home all week since his kids camp was canceled. 

I would like a bed but he wants me to him and hook up in his or my car..why won't he come? I don't live close his house nor his common law wife work..so he can't be sacred of being caught? I've always fantasized us being a couple but even if his wife were to leave him..would we end up being together? Given he won't come to mu place?

[BaileyB]

Girl, you got to ask yourself why you are begging a married man to come to your house when he would rather have sex with you in a car than a bed. That’s degrading. 

If I had to guess, I would say that this decision has little to do with getting caught and everything to do with managing your expectations. If he comes to your house and he sleeps in your bed, you may get the impression that this affair is more than it is - a hookup in a car when it’s convenient for him. 

You are worth more than this. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, AngelLove said:

wants me to him and hook up in his or my car..why won't he come? 

Is it possible he's paranoid his wife has a tracker on his car/phone? He's much more concerned with preserving his family by not leaving a trail than your comfort wants or needs. It may be time to rethink if you would rather date single available men who don't keep you a secret.

[mark clemson]

It's hard to assess the rationale for this. Various things come to mind, for example Wiseman's tracker idea or perhaps he's not sure he has "find my phone" off, or simply it's just too much of a deviation from his schedule.

You can always ask him about it, but it sounds like whatever it is, it's unlikely to change. It's reasonable IMO to assume he considers it a "risk" he's not willing to take (unless he explains otherwise). So, you are left with either accepting it as a "parameter" of your relationship/affair, or not and ending things.

Edited August 18, 2022 by mark clemson

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, AngelLove said:

I don't live close his house nor his common law wife work..so he can't be sacred of being caught?

Not necessarily accurate. 

You don't know if he's worried about someone else he knows spotting him, or if he's got a location app on his phone that his wife can see, or a tracker. Maybe she suspects him and he is worried she will follow him. Perhaps that's already happened in the past, with another OW. Anything is possible there.

But are you really enjoying being a car-quickie to cheating man? That's got to make you feel pretty crummy. And no, if he won't even come to your house, you can snuff out the fantasy of you two ever winding up together. His dodging  coming over suggests he is not willing to risk blowing up his marriage for you, which means he's not intending to leave her. He's taking steps to make sure his home life stays intact (or at least, to the extent that's possible when he's cheating) 

You have to face the writing on the wall here, sooner or later. 

[Starswillshine]

Going to your house vs hooking up in the car, makes it more relationship-y than he really wants. 

[stillafool]

Angel this guy isn't even legally married and he's giving excuses and having you jump from one back seat of a car to another.  Girl please, aren't you tired?

[Will am I]

I bet he’s afraid of his wife using “Find My” on her iPhone and seeing he’s nowhere near the office.

But on a deeper level, you are hurting yourself and breaking your self esteem. I’m not in the habit of judging people, but it’s clear that this affair is not beneficial for your dignity as a woman.

[Luna66star]

MM is not someone of integrity.  How can you even respect him for sneaking around?  Side chicks eventually get treated like garbage after they come on strong to impress you.  Example right there in front of you about hooking up in the car. He's not treating you like a lady.  Demand to be treated like one. This means walking away!

Your life is already in chaos from this flakey man. He's a mess.  Don't try to analyze anything.  Just RUN.  

[Myabee]

On 8/18/2022 at 9:15 AM, AngelLove said:

would like a bed but he wants me to him and hook up in his or my car..why won't he come? I don't live close his house nor his common law wife work..so he can't be sacred of being caught? I've always fantasized us being a couple but even if his wife were to leave him..would we end up being together? Given he won't come to mu place?

I will give it to you as straight as I can here, From all the reading I have done a very, very small % leave. Now why are you settling for a man who belongs to someone else when you are single? As to why he won't come to your house? In my opinion, it's because this is just a thrill for him. You are his appetizer before dinner. I will also say if you are falling in love with this man, you are setting yourself up for very serious heartbreak. The minute my ExMM's wife found out he was done! I no longer existed in his world. That spoke  volumes to me that I really never mean't that much to him. His life moved on. Run from this and find a single man. 

Edited August 22, 2022 by Myabee

[Allupinnit]

[ ]  He's never leaving her, sounds like he doesn't even want to be seen with you in public.  

Is the same man you've been trying to break up with for years?

 

Edited August 23, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
civility

[pepperbird2]

It could be he just likes having sex in a car and ince you;re willing to do this, it's what you get.

There's a saying about how people will only rise to the level you set for him. right now, he knows that he can do this and while you may not like it, you're not going to leave him.

[notbroken]

Why do you have car sex with a married man?  Find someone that is actually available and you can go to his house and he can come to yours.   He is not it.   He is a proven liar/cheat and not worthy of even one minute of your time - in a back seat or in your house.   Be better to yourself.   Dump him.   Regardless of what he says or does, dump him!

Edited August 31, 2022 by notbroken

[LynneVicious]

Is this the same mm you’ve been with for years?

Look, he doesn’t text you except to make hook up plans, he has never even taken you out on a date, he’s not leaving his wife. He’s showing you his boundaries that he wants to keep you at arms length for a reason  

Why are you surprised he won’t come to your home? He only wants the sex. The only way he could make it clearer to you is if he came right out and said it. 

it has always been like this. It will always be like this. You cant expect it to change and you cant expect to have a real relationship with him. 

You either accept that his ACTIONS show he only wants sex and deal with it or you leave. 

Sorry to be so blunt, but it’s so easy to see from an outsiders perceptive because we are not blinded by infatuation. 

[AngelLove]

Yes this is tthe same MM and I decided to block his number after 2 weeks of silence on both ends..

I was just perplexed since he was the one who suggested we meet at my place. We tried to arrange it in the past but he never followed through so I gave up but this time I moved in into a very nice flat and sent him pics to which he liked. Then he started talking about taking a day off work to spend a day with me since my new place won't be too far from his work. 

 

I informed him that I took a week off work  to relax in the following days to which he agreed that he will take a day off that week to spend the whole day with me. I thought it was a sure thing this time so I started texting him to ascertain which day he planned to come to which he said Thurs or Wed but was trying to figure it out. But then my subsequent texts in regards about it went unanswered until he tells me that he cannot come because his children camp was canceled so he has to stay home the whole week.

 

This didn't add up or make any sense since this was when school was closed for summer. In retrospect he never had any intention of following through since he didn't even try to find out my address and details on how to get to my place prior to his reasoning of not being able to come . I expressed my disappointment then neither of us reached out after until I made a decision to block him

 

Now i'm starting to miss him but I know it's dead end and I will always go around in circles with him

 

 

 

[NuevoYorko]

Good for you.  Stay strong.  I rarely say this, but get on dating apps and start seeing other men.   Don't get too involved quickly.   After a while, you will find someone who wants to be with you and you'll feel the same way.  If you have car sex with them, it will be for a thrill and not a steady diet.  

Good luck.