violet crescent Posted October 25, 2005 Share Posted October 25, 2005 The reason my bf of a year and a half has broken up with me is partly if not largely because, he said, I was unavailable to hiim: working too hard, always at the office, cancelling dates, not returning calls, missing phone dates, etc. So in this case don't I need to be in contact with him to show him how I've changed? (And I have…I completely get it that he is the most important thing in my life, forever)…or should I still play it cool? Seems to me like playing it cool and distant is what got me into this in the first place… Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 does he talk to you anymore, are you friendly when you do, etc??? would he have sex with you right now...just some questions.. give us some details about how long it has been and how quickly have you changed? Link to post Share on other sites
J dub Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 ^^ what head/heels said, but also: Have you already tried to explain to him you are willing to make changes/sacrifices in light of what has happened? Did he ever threaten to leave prior to this breakup, or somehow conveyed that message to you which would have allowed you to prove yourself previously? If so my answer will be much different. Link to post Share on other sites
grace2005 Posted October 26, 2005 Share Posted October 26, 2005 The reason my bf of a year and a half has broken up with me is partly if not largely because, he said, I was unavailable to hiim: working too hard, always at the office, cancelling dates, not returning calls, missing phone dates, etc. So in this case don't I need to be in contact with him to show him how I've changed? (And I have…I completely get it that he is the most important thing in my life, forever)…or should I still play it cool? Seems to me like playing it cool and distant is what got me into this in the first place… Hi there. In my humble opinion, no contact would not be the answer in this case. Certainly strict no contact would not work. I think you should have regular contact with him (if he's receptive to it) to show him that you've changed and want to be more available to him. I use to cancel dates sometimes when I was dating my ex and it made her not want to be around me. That wasn't the reason we broke up since I corrected that flaw months ago. Now had your situation been the extreme opposite where your ex bf felt smothered then I would advise strict no contact. But strict no contact wouldn't be the answer since like you said being too distant and not spending enough time together got you to this in the first place. This is one of the situations where the no contact approach might backfire on you and re-inforce his decision because he'll take that as you not caring at all. Hope this helps. Link to post Share on other sites
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