ohjess Posted August 22, 2022 Share Posted August 22, 2022 I rarely ever message them first but with a good match, every now and then I will. But it still feels wrong to me. I cut communication if the chat gets dry/or they don't officially ask me out. I just very much prefer to be courted and it appears that any time I've 'pursued' a man, it didn't end that well. But then again, occurs with guys that pursue me too. Link to post Share on other sites
max3732 Posted August 22, 2022 Share Posted August 22, 2022 On bumble you have to initiate or the chat expires. As a guy on the app it would be nice to get something besides "hello" or "hi" as the first message. As long as you're sending a message why not at least ask him a question or make a comment on his profile? See how it takes it from there. At least that's what I'd prefer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted August 22, 2022 Share Posted August 22, 2022 11 hours ago, ohjess said: I rarely ever message them first but with a good match, every now and then I will. But it still feels wrong to me. I cut communication if the chat gets dry/or they don't officially ask me out. I just very much prefer to be courted and it appears that any time I've 'pursued' a man, it didn't end that well. But then again, occurs with guys that pursue me too. You have to initiate it. Thats how bumble works. E rn if you swiped right first then later he swiped right and you saying you’ve matched. It’s up to you to send first. if you use some other dating app/ OLD site then you could get a bunch of initiations. Ifyou are attractive on your profile you could get hit with 100+ different men. with eharmony it’s tied to who initiates first. In Eharmony it’s designed around set of questions in steps before you get to an open communication setting unless you want to skip it all and jump to open communication. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 22, 2022 Share Posted August 22, 2022 From what I know, Bumble is place for women who wish to have a bit more control in who messages them. But as the women does need to message first, she needs to be the confident type who's happy to initiate a good message. I would wager that the vibe of Bumble is one where men and women are considered equal and as such, it's less likely you'd be "courted". Link to post Share on other sites
Otter2569 Posted August 23, 2022 Share Posted August 23, 2022 Yes! Get with the times and just do it. Men, and anyone for that matter, appreciates a nice, thoughtful message plus it shows interest and initiative! Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted August 23, 2022 Share Posted August 23, 2022 13 hours ago, ohjess said: I just very much prefer to be courted and it appears that any time I've 'pursued' a man, it didn't end that well. But then again, occurs with guys that pursue me too. Most of online dating will turn out this way, regardless of who messages first. The best tactic in my opinion, for women that are attractive and get a lot of messages. Is to filter and search and make a list of all the guys that appeal to you, and then see if any of them sent you a message. While I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a woman messaging first, I do think there are certain advantages to letting a man pursue you in the very early stages. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 23, 2022 Share Posted August 23, 2022 I tried Bumble and deleted it after 12 hours. Too much work. You've got to log in often so your match don't expire, women have to message first, it was not for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ohjess Posted August 23, 2022 Author Share Posted August 23, 2022 2 hours ago, Weezy1973 said: Most of online dating will turn out this way, regardless of who messages first. The best tactic in my opinion, for women that are attractive and get a lot of messages. Is to filter and search and make a list of all the guys that appeal to you, and then see if any of them sent you a message. While I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a woman messaging first, I do think there are certain advantages to letting a man pursue you in the very early stages. Thanks. How can one do that if we have to message them first? Did you mean ‘filter and see who makes an active effort with messaging’ Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted August 23, 2022 Share Posted August 23, 2022 (edited) Bumble in particular is for the women to initiate. So you both swiped, the woman has to say something. Even if it's just "hi how are you". If not the match expires. However, my experience with Bumble has been ... Not good. [ ] you might meet one guy then that's that. On others where the woman doesn't have to? Well... Either way I guess. But don't some of these apps have features where you can see who's been looking at your profile? It's kind of like cruising. Edited August 23, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator civility 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted August 25, 2022 Share Posted August 25, 2022 I met my partner on Bumble in 2019. It was nice to receive a well-written message sent by a funny, cute and obviously very intelligent woman. We ended up exchanging messages all day and then met up for a date that evening. She is the confident and outgoing type. I was what she sought and vice versa. The rest is history. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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