R22X Posted August 23, 2022 Share Posted August 23, 2022 (edited) Hey all, Jumping straight in, I am a 31 year old women who is now single. I met my ex boyfriend at work 12 months ago. You know those fairytales you hear and think that love story never happens, well yep it did for me. I am 6 years older than my ex however we met at work and he was so ambitious and seemed so much older when it came to life views/goals. Our relationship started well in everyway you can imagine. Physical, emotional, natural, fun, friends and we both fell in love very fast. A few years back, I had a break down with a ex partner and completely lost the plot. I opened up to my boyfriend about this as I trusted him and looked up to him. To cut the story short, my ex jumped on the idea that I had previous experience of not knowing what is real/not real, and he started to gaslight me. He was messaging/sending pictures to other girls behind my back, told me I was crazy, compared me to women all the time, stole things from me and bought me new things of his choice. This perfect guy I loved became controlling but in the snakiest ways possible. He would then tell me how much he loved me and wanted to marry me. Anyhow, I ended up leaving him earlier this year. We didn't speak for months but I still loved him. I was vulnerable and ended up messaging him to say I loved him and missed him. We got back together and boom the love story was back. He told me he wanted to marry me, how much he adored me and we ended up booking a holiday and he paid for the most beautiful hotel. A month before the holiday, I walked into the bedroom and saw the same pattern of comparing comments and he had gone really nervous (I can only assume he had been talking to someone else whilst I was out the room for 1 hour) my guards came up and I said ''leave''. We never went on the holiday and we split up that day. I have had weak times of messaging him in anger all sorts and he acts so calm and denies to this day that he ever did the things I accuse him of. He lies about everything and I just cannot believe someone who seemed so loving and normal, could end up acting so weird? It's been 5 weeks since we spoke as I have blocked him off social media, his number and he has no way of contact. I have been ok although struggling at times as I haven't met anyone else. I really loved my ex and still do. Will I ever get over him? He has never chased for me back but tells me how much he adores me. It's horrible and hard. What do I do? Edited August 23, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 23, 2022 Share Posted August 23, 2022 18 minutes ago, Rachel22 said: met my ex boyfriend at work 12 months ago. I am 6 years older than my ex Sorry this happened. Do you still work together? Unfortunately it sounds like a whirlwind romance that didn't end well. Take some time off from dating to relax, reflect the regroup. If possible, delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. If you are still working together, avoid him and just be cordial and professional. Link to post Share on other sites
Author R22X Posted August 23, 2022 Author Share Posted August 23, 2022 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. Do you still work together? Unfortunately it sounds like a whirlwind romance that didn't end well. Take some time off from dating to relax, reflect the regroup. If possible, delete and block him from all your social media and messaging apps. If you are still working together, avoid him and just be cordial and professional. Thank you - no we don't work together anymore. He is just a memory in my phone. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 24, 2022 Share Posted August 24, 2022 23 hours ago, R22X said: no we don't work together anymore. He is just a memory in my phone. Delete and block him from all your social media, messaging apps, contact lists and devices. Unfortunately this was a situation where the end was built in because of too many differences, most notably the age/life stages. It's ok to have a fling or relationship that didn't pan out. Happens all the time. All you can do is be more discerning when getting back out dating again. Look for red flags early on and try not to override them because of chemistry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 24, 2022 Share Posted August 24, 2022 On 8/23/2022 at 11:54 AM, R22X said: You know those fairytales you hear and think that love story never happens, well yep it did for me. What did this fairtytale beginning consist of, exactly? How fast did things move? I ask because perhaps you're getting too caught up in the fantasy of love and not seeing red flags for what they are. If I may, you seem to get easily dsitracted by pretty words and the mention of marriage: On 8/23/2022 at 11:54 AM, R22X said: He would then tell me how much he loved me and wanted to marry me On 8/23/2022 at 11:54 AM, R22X said: the love story was back. He told me he wanted to marry me I think this is relevant to you getting over him, because you need to perhaps re-evalute what your idea of a "love story" is, and reflect on the notion that you appear to be preoccupied with the idea of this man rather than the reality of him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author R22X Posted August 24, 2022 Author Share Posted August 24, 2022 14 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: ove? 15 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: What did this fairtytale beginning consist of, exactly? How fast did things move? Firstly, immediate attraction. I got into his car and was like wow his green eyes, sparks were flying above us. Secondly, effort and the push to continue to date every single week. Next, physicals and emotional sex which continues throughout the whole relationship. Laughter, cuddles, compatible, days out, city breaks away, snuggles up to him just because I loved him. All of a sudden, I am fully in and let my guards down and he knows, and he starts to control me and gaslight me. I lose this perfect guy and hate him to this date for how much he hurt me. Sometimes I find myself daydreaming about laying in bed and snuggling before bed, then I remember how he was texting other girls behind my back and playing with my reality. WHY would he do that? but then kept/controlled me with the words ''marry you'' I think the idea of him is my obsession whilst the reality isn't otherwise we would be together 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted August 24, 2022 Share Posted August 24, 2022 3 minutes ago, R22X said: I think the idea of him is my obsession whilst the reality isn't otherwise we would be together Exactly. You’re obsessing over an idea in your head, not him. The pain you’re feeling is because of thoughts you’re having. Separate yourself from your thoughts - when you start thinking about him, pause and say to yourself “well looks like I’m thinking about him again”. By observing your own thoughts, those thoughts will lose some of their power, which will help with the strength of the associated emotion. Just be aware that if you have an unrealistic, fantasy view of love and relationships, you might also hold the pain of a breakup to be “romantic”. It’s not. He was a jerk, the faster you move on the better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author R22X Posted August 24, 2022 Author Share Posted August 24, 2022 He told me he will adore and love me forever, but has never once chased to get me back. He said he is obsessed with me and all my pictures are on his Social Media. He's very attractive and does well in his career, but he's pretty odd really isn't he? lol......... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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