Can you be too beautiful?

[R22X]

I would firstly like to add that I am extremely modest and have the nicest nature.

Speaking from other people, I have always been told I am beautiful to look at.

I struggle meeting men as they always end up being weird and acting insecure with me and it's as though they don't feel good enough.

I could understand if I was a flaunt and acted as though I love myself, but I am so down to earth, genuine and I believe everyone is beautiful in their own way.

I do have ex partners, however going back into the single world I do struggle when dating men to keep them balanced and on normal track and they always ask how someone so beautiful is single? 

My ex partner was confident and loved his self enough that he could accept me and love me and he wasn't threated by other men, however majority of men just seem to be insecure towards me even when I am kind and non judgmental.

 

Will I meet someone who loves their self ever? 

31 and feel my time is running out although I know that's daft, I am just fed up and sad for the world!

[Weezy1973]

Why did things end with your ex?

I do think it’s tougher to date if you’re at either end of the attractiveness spectrum. Most average looking men won’t have the confidence to date you. How do you meet men generally? 

[R22X]

Just now, Weezy1973 said:

Why did things end with your ex?

I do think it’s tougher to date if you’re at either end of the attractiveness spectrum. Most average looking men won’t have the confidence to date you. How do you meet men generally? 

We had a fairytale start, but he soon showed his gaslighting behavior and was younger by 6 years (very ambitious) and tried to take control over me being older. I use dating apps, but even then guys can meet me once and start freaking out bad, like a pattern.

Do you have any suggestions as a male?

[R22X]

2 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

Why did things end with your ex?

I do think it’s tougher to date if you’re at either end of the attractiveness spectrum. Most average looking men won’t have the confidence to date you. How do you meet men generally? 

We worked in the same building and when I left he messaged me. Never spoke to me at work though!

[Weezy1973]

2 minutes ago, R22X said:

 

Do you have any suggestions as a male?

I think lots of people struggle with online dating. My advice there would just to be patient. But you should also try to meet men in real life. Do you have hobbies where you can meet people? That way the focus might be on a common interest rather than just physical looks like it is with online dating. 

[R22X]

7 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

I think lots of people struggle with online dating. My advice there would just to be patient. But you should also try to meet men in real life. Do you have hobbies where you can meet people? That way the focus might be on a common interest rather than just physical looks like it is with online dating. 

Thank you. Swimming haha! the Manager walks in sometimes whilst I am swimming and has a look at me but I am in the pool. I will just be patient as you have said and keep smiling and being happy. I am such a sweet person, sometimes I think I might as well be [unpleasant] Thanks Weezy

Edited August 23, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, R22X said:

and was younger by 6 years

This seems like more of a problem than your looks. Picking men who are inappropriate life-stage wise and who you worked with. 

[R22X]

4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

This seems like more of a problem than your looks. Picking men who are inappropriate life-stage wise and who you worked with. 

We didn't work together, he worked in the same building and said he used to watch me from his window as it was ''love at first sight'' a bit odd now I look back at the statement but yes I left the building and received a message asking where I had gone - I had NEVER seen him before!

Edited August 23, 2022 by R22X

[R22X]

My parents would agree and always say I choose the strangest ones! haha 

[chillii]

[ ] All the single guys here talk about finding a beautiful woman for example and there's plenty of guys on any street walking about with beautiful women.

Myself though, l've never liked model looking women, too beautiful, but not for why you'd think and l've had plenty of opportunity over the yrs. But for me l just don't find them real and even if as for example you talk about being a nice person and dte,l dunno. l just and it might well be wrong , but l've just always felt they just lack real,can be light on in personality and character, or genuineness, it's just not enough for me. l love and need real in anyone l mix with, but l adore especially in my woman very real, personality, depth, genuineness, l've just rarely seen the things that really attract me in extra pretty woman.

Over the yrs though too l've seen a lot of very very pretty girls and women with strings of troubled love lives but tbh l've noticed the opposite to your problem, too many choices and bad choices at that over and over.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited August 24, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
group berating

[R22X]

On 8/24/2022 at 1:19 AM, chillii said:

l think as in most things, women make a lot of assumptions about their understandings of men that are usually a mile off. And then a lot of men seem to take some script norm view of things like that too , not meaning weezy or what he's had to say but just in general l mean. All the single guys here talk about finding a beautiful woman for example and there's plenty of guys on any street walking about with beautiful women.

Myself though, l've never liked model looking women, too beautiful, but not for why you'd think and l've had plenty of opportunity over the yrs. But for me l just don't find them real and even if as for example you talk about being a nice person and dte,l dunno. l just and it might well be wrong , but l've just always felt they just lack real,can be light on in personality and character, or genuineness, it's just not enough for me. l love and need real in anyone l mix with, very real but especially in my woman and l adore real personality and depth in my woman.

Over the yrs though l've seen a lot of very very pretty girls and women with strings of troubled love lives but tbh l've noticed the opposite to your problem, too many choices and bad choices at that over and over.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[ ] 

I am that ''real'' I don't even know what people mean by ''not real'' 

My ex boyfriend always said I was the realest person he's ever met in his life so I am evidence to my own self that appearance has absolutely nothing to do with ones personality.

I have seen some average men with the worst personality's and some model like men who are so sweet and don't even know how beautiful they are.

 

Everyone to their own opinions but I totally disagree with your comment, although if that's your experience with beautiful women then fair enough!

Edited August 24, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
response to removed content

[Wiseman2]

10 minutes ago, R22X said:

My parents would agree and always say I choose the strangest ones! haha 

Yes. That's the issue. Picking a weirdo many would think is creepy  or a stalker. Sure they lavish attention but because they're strange. This has nothing to do with looks. And no you can not be "too" good looking. Make sure you don't confuse weird attention with being on a pedestal of some sort. A decent man will of course be attracted to you and find beauty in his own way, but it has nothing to do with the odd behaviors this man who you seem to be pining for has.

[R22X]

1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Yes. That's the issue. Picking a weirdo many would think is creepy  or a stalker. Sure they lavish attention but because they're strange. This has nothing to do with looks. And no you can not be "too" good looking. Make sure you don't confuse weird attention with being on a pedestal of some sort. A decent man will of course be attracted to you and find beauty in his own way, but it has nothing to do with the odd behaviors this man who you seem to be pining for has.

Thank you. Cannot argue the above. 

[mark clemson]

It sounds like you may need to change your approach slightly

Online, just be aware that there seems to be a high % of dysfunctional people who "hide behind" online dating, with things like unrealistic lists of requirements or "nice guy" sudden emotional turnarounds that you can see documented on Reddit.  They have a tendency to poison the well, BUT if you keep looking you're likely to find a relatively normal and emotionally healthy person eventually.

It's true that very beautiful women can be intimidating for some, possibly many men. Some may also jump to conclusions about your personality and/or "standards" or feel that they don't want to deal with "fending off" other interested men. So you may have a sort of "first world problem" issue.

It's also true however that there are plenty of beautiful women out there who have partners. In fact, many would say they have their pick of them. So, if you are to be quite honest with yourself about this, part of this is probably coming from you - perhaps your social skills, perhaps you're not engaging in activities that put you out there to be seen and approached? 

In RL you may need to take a bit more initiative to be in situations where meeting men is possible AND, with a "qualified" potential date, to make somewhat more effort to "let the guy know" that you're open to advances on his part, i.e., drop more "hints".

Edited August 23, 2022 by mark clemson

[R22X]

1 minute ago, mark clemson said:

It sounds like you may need to change your approach slightly

Online, just be aware that there seem to be a high % of dysfunctional people who "hide behind" online dating, with things like unrealistic lists of requirements or "nice guy" sudden emotional turnarounds that you can see documented on Reddit.  They have a tendency to poison the well, BUT if you keep looking you're likely to find a relatively normal and emotionally healthy person eventually.

It's true that very beautiful women can be intimidating for some, possibly many men. Some may also jump to conclusions about your personality and/or "standards" or feel that they don't want to deal with "fending off" other interested men. So you may have a sort of "first world problem" issue.

It's also true however that there are plenty of beautiful women out there who have partners. In fact, many would say they have their pick of them. So, if you are to be quite honest with yourself about this, part of this is probably coming from you - perhaps your social skills, perhaps you're not engaging in activities that put you out there to be seen and approached? 

In RL you may need to take a bit more initiative to be in situations where meeting men is possible AND, with a "qualified" potential date, to make somewhat more effort to "let the guy know" that you're open to advances on his part, i.e., drop more "hints".

Hi Mark,

What a smart answer.

You are right, I do not go out much AT ALL and think sitting at home on my phone is going to magic the right person, when I know it's not.

I will work on planning to go out more, it's just so difficult sometimes as I work a lot and career focused so when the weekend comes round, I enjoy a red wine, a series and a dating app!

I am actually going away this weekend for my birthday so going to get done up and who knows what will bring.

Fingers crossed for me, I think my approach does need to change in all aspects though.

Cheers Mark  x

[Alpacalia]

[ ] 

My assumption is that you are appealing to the eye, and let's admit it: bathing suits leave little to the imagination. Seeing that he is not harassing you and is simply looking at you. Is this someone that you are interested in dating?

Edited August 24, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
response to removed content

[max3732]

As a single guy what I've found is there tends to be an inverse relationship between how physically attractive a woman is and her personality. So many times I've been excited going into a date with someone who looks amazing and then she is extremely dull or self centered. For one example I play mini golf and the whole time she complained about her toe nail fungus and her job. Never talked about anything fun or asked anything about me.

Another one just gave very short answers and didn't seem to have any really energy even though she was very smart and accomplished.

So I'd say show guys you're not just a pretty face and have some substance as well.

[R22X]

Just now, max3732 said:

As a single guy what I've found is there tends to be an inverse relationship between how physically attractive a woman is and her personality. So many times I've been excited going into a date with someone who looks amazing and then she is extremely dull or self centered. For one example I play mini golf and the whole time she complained about her toe nail fungus and her job. Never talked about anything fun or asked anything about me.

Another one just gave very short answers and didn't seem to have any really energy even though she was very smart and accomplished.

So I'd say show guys you're not just a pretty face and have some substance as well.

Puts them off more, trust me!

Insecurity is destroying people nowadays 

[introverted1]

There's a thread just under this one where the OP is lamenting that she isn't pretty enough to have a bf.

Fact is, people of all levels of attractiveness find partners.  And not finding a partner usually has something more to it than either being too pretty or not pretty enough, both of which are extremely subjective in any case.

How old are you? 

[R22X]

31

[introverted1]

1 hour ago, R22X said:

31

I'd say that 6 years is a big gap when the man is 25 and the woman is 31 (or 24 and 30, depending on when you met).  Is he the only bf you've had?  What methods are you using to find men to date?

[R22X]

43 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

I'd say that 6 years is a big gap when the man is 25 and the woman is 31 (or 24 and 30, depending on when you met).  Is he the only bf you've had?  What methods are you using to find men to date?

He was a Director, ambitious, charming and seemed to have it all together. Guess I was fooled as he admits now ''He's a kid'' what can I expect from a 25 year old. Way to young and I won't make the mistake again. 

[R22X]

1 minute ago, R22X said:

He was a Director, ambitious, charming and seemed to have it all together. Guess I was fooled as he admits now ''He's a kid'' what can I expect from a 25 year old. Way to young and I won't make the mistake again. 

No, I was with someone 4 years prior to that and he loved me but unfortunately, I didn't love him so I left. I am using dating apps but no luck at the moment. It's hard nowadays. I guess you can meet the right one at any point in life! I could be 20 years off yet 😕 

[Weezy1973]

37 minutes ago, R22X said:

He was a Director, ambitious, charming and seemed to have it all together.

These are high standards to have. Just in general if you’re holding out for the above, there will be fewer men to choose from. Patience is important. 

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, R22X said:

I am using dating apps but no luck at the moment. 

That's a good way you move forward. Get a good profile and recent pics on  quality apps (maybe one paid, one free, but not too many apps or hookup apps). Set your matching, distance and other preferences realistically.

Only reply to those you are interested in. Exchange a few messages and suggest meeting for a brief coffee/drink. Of course no in-house dates and provide your own transportation. After a brief meet you can always have a more substantial date in the future.

The key to online dating is to prevent burnout, so get rid of timewasters early (those who won't meet, etc.) if you meet and things mutually click go on a second date. If not thank them and then delete and block them

Since there is no such thing as 'too pretty' or 'too beautiful', it should be easy to find matches especially if you list some interests and conversation starters on your profile. 

Don't be afraid to message  men first and actively participate in your own dating success.