Can you be too beautiful?

[Lotsgoingon]

My guess is you're being too passive. 

You can make your interest known to people who interest you. Don't just sit back and let guys define things. Step up and make clear what you want in a relationship, this is before things start as as they are starting and continuing.

I have known some quite beautiful people. One was extremely shy and she ran into all kinds of problems and I knew why: people thought her shyness was aloofness and arrogance. The other beautiful women I've known tended to go ahead and use charisma and their humor and so on to relax people and to just confidently move through the world. That's why I'm guessing you have to show more of yourself and speak up more and reveal more of your own thoughts and interests.

Otherwise, there's a good chance people will assume you're "taken."

 

[chillii]

[ ] 

It's nice your who you are then and you've made a point of being you to which is a really nice thing too and it should help counteract the looks l know but still, that might take some convincing with some guys. Through no fault of your own you probably still find you almost have to convince people sometimes that you are real and the persona that you are. And nope l don't expect you to understand what l'm talking about in real but you've basically said even in your first post what l was saying too and in that people think this and this and think that but you are who you are , and not the way they think.

Weird but l've often thought very good looking people can sometimes be a victim of their own looks.

 

Edited August 24, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
response to removed content

[chillii]

7 hours ago, R22X said:

My parents would agree and always say I choose the strangest ones! haha 

And this is exactly another part of what l was talking about and as l said , l'd noticed it a lot over the yrs with some really good looking women.

[chillii]

6 hours ago, mark clemson said:

Some may also jump to conclusions about your personality and/or "standards

And here it is again in ways , some of what l was saying. l mean the guys might be wrong , l've probably been wrong about some woman l'm thinking about here that l've known. l was more saying it was just an impression they can put of , real or not.

And Mark was also hitting on another part of that in that some of it will be coming from you , it often does from some , but again as l say to , often through no fault of their own. Beautiful people grow up in a different way to average people. Cause and effect from within the way that they've been treated and responded to all their lives , just bc of their looks.

Edited August 23, 2022 by chillii

[chillii]

6 hours ago, R22X said:

Puts them off more, trust me!

Insecurity is destroying people nowadays 

What exactly are you meaning , what puts them of more ?

And what's the insecurity your talking about here ?

[basil67]

I'm going out on a limb here, but as nothing else has resonated, I'll put it out there.

If you believe your appearance really is the problem, one thing to check is that your outer styling matches your inner personality: kind, welcoming, down to earth.  The way you write, you strike me as minimal makeup, comfortable clothes, natural look. Is this you?   

Rightly or wrongly, people who put loads of work into their appearance can be perceived as vain or high maintenance and I wouldn't want to see you losing out because your presentation doesn't match who you are.  

 

 

Edited August 23, 2022 by basil67

[NuevoYorko]

No.  You can't be "too beautiful."  In my experience, the main issue extremely gorgeous humans have is that they often leave other parts of themselves undeveloped.  Our culture ( in the USA but it's not only here) is obsessed with physical appearances and very good looking people often have a lot of things coming easily to them.  Things that more average, or worse, looking people have to really struggle with.

In your case, you are either just meeting a lot of insecure men, or ones with whom you just aren't having any connection.

Enjoy being beautiful, it's a lucky gift.

[Lotsgoingon]

Building on @basil67you really don't want to assume that your beauty is the problem. Most of us think we look at least decent, and the advantage of that is we can't fall back on our great looks as a reason we struggled with relationships. We're all but forced to examine ourselves, our personalities, the people we choose and so on.

Stop worrying about your beauty and go out into the world and live a great life. Are you involved in activities and clubs you really like? Do you have friends that you trust and can hang out with? How are you doing on your job? 

If you feel lost in all this, I'd consider going to therapy. There is something you're doing that is getting in your own way. 

[Alpacalia]

Women and men often receive unfair criticism for their beauty, regardless of their social skills, personalities, or life circumstances. 

If you don't know someone's life story, that claim is ridiculous.

People approach these women purely because they are beautiful, not because they are smart, not because they are proficient in anything. It is simply because of their beauty that they approach them. 

It is sometimes impossible for them to tell whether the person approaching them is sincere or not, which makes them more vulnerable. Anyone would find that offensive and off-putting.

Also, as a side note, I am unsure how attractive you are. Don't let anyone fool you, but appearances are a key factor in attraction but are not the only factor, because attractive people can be horrible people. The same is true for anyone else.

No matter what situation you find yourself in, you need to put in the effort so you can talk to a man. Either you approach or just sit on the sidelines and wait. Lay the groundwork, and plant the seeds by flirting or expressing your interest in another person.

 

[Amy4love]

Beauty they say is in the eye of the beholder, one thing i have come to understand about men is that, Men are initially attracted to a woman physical appearance. Women can scream, cry all they want and say, “- I want a man who can value my intelligence and inner beauty!” or whatever crap is out there. looks will attract initially but personality will keep a man. One of the most attractive traits a woman may have is her nurturing side, and i believe this is present in you, if not... you need to consider working on it.

All said and done, you should try take it easy on yourself, the right person would come your way, perhaps may be your true soulmate 

[R22X]

13 hours ago, basil67 said:

I'm going out on a limb here, but as nothing else has resonated, I'll put it out there.

If you believe your appearance really is the problem, one thing to check is that your outer styling matches your inner personality: kind, welcoming, down to earth.  The way you write, you strike me as minimal makeup, comfortable clothes, natural look. Is this you?   

Rightly or wrongly, people who put loads of work into their appearance can be perceived as vain or high maintenance and I wouldn't want to see you losing out because your presentation doesn't match who you are.  

 

 

Wow how can you tell I do not wear makeup and I am really natural? 

That has freaked me out.

Also, how should I present if I do not need makeup and I am VERY petite so cannot flaunt to much?

[FMW]

I don't think "I'm too beautiful" should be a reason you should put much store in.  Many people have trouble forming and maintaining relationships, for many reasons.  

It's sounds old and tired and cliche, but we really do tend to meet people we truly connect with while going about our lives.  Focus on work, friends, hobbies, etc. and generally feeling happy with your life, with or without having a current mate.  Get out and about more so that you have the opportunities to meet more people, both potential women friends and potential romantic male interests.  That's how meeting someone special usually happens.

Also, since you have the experience of feeling like you're being judged (in this case for your looks) unfairly make sure to give others a chance and don't do the same with them.  For example, give a little thought to what chillii posted without making assumptions about where he's coming from.  You don't have to accept his, or anyone's, thoughts and opinions.  But even when I don't agree with someone's responses when I make a post, I've found it helpful over the last few years here to give them some thought.  

Edited August 24, 2022 by FMW

[Weezy1973]

As I stated before, I do think think extreme beauty can lead to difficulty in dating, especially if one puts a lot of their own self worth in their appearance, which is easy to do if the messaging for your whole life, likely including childhood, was always about how beautiful you are. While you’re plenty aware that who you are on the inside has nothing to do with the outer shell, that outer shell sure gets a lot of attention. That can be conflicting. 
 

I can relate a bit as it involves my son. He’s only 4, but since he had hair it was this very bright blonde curly hair and it always, always got comments. People would gasp with delight about his blonde curls. And it happened all the time. My wife and I grew concerned that he would begin to think his hair was somehow important to who he is, so we promptly got his hair cut short - no more curls - and he was young enough not to be bothered at all. 

[R22X]

2 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

As I stated before, I do think think extreme beauty can lead to difficulty in dating, especially if one puts a lot of their own self worth in their appearance, which is easy to do if the messaging for your whole life, likely including childhood, was always about how beautiful you are. While you’re plenty aware that who you are on the inside has nothing to do with the outer shell, that outer shell sure gets a lot of attention. That can be conflicting. 
 

I can relate a bit as it involves my son. He’s only 4, but since he had hair it was this very bright blonde curly hair and it always, always got comments. People would gasp with delight about his blonde curls. And it happened all the time. My wife and I grew concerned that he would begin to think his hair was somehow important to who he is, so we promptly got his hair cut short - no more curls - and he was young enough not to be bothered at all. 

awww I pictured his blonde curly locks then and smiled! I bet he is beautiful, but that's my point strong features stand out and it's finding the balance of beauty looks but a more beautiful heart. It's funny you talk about this as my nephew had curly hair and everyone thought he was a girl (he's 2) and we only cut them out a few weeks back. 

[BrinnM]

I don’t think you can be “too beautiful”. Too beautiful for what? Dating? If you’re a decent, humble, pleasant person, too beautiful won’t keep you from finding a partner. Or professionally? Yeah, maybe, some might be shallow enough to not take you seriously, but if you’re good at your job, you should be successful either way. Same applies to less conventionally attractive people. Once we get past the “first impression” stage, people will look at us with different eyes anyways. Our manners will matter, and our people skills, and not so much what we look like.

[R22X]

18 minutes ago, BrinnM said:

I don’t think you can be “too beautiful”. Too beautiful for what? Dating? If you’re a decent, humble, pleasant person, too beautiful won’t keep you from finding a partner. Or professionally? Yeah, maybe, some might be shallow enough to not take you seriously, but if you’re good at your job, you should be successful either way. Same applies to less conventionally attractive people. Once we get past the “first impression” stage, people will look at us with different eyes anyways. Our manners will matter, and our people skills, and not so much what we look like.

Thank you