No kiss at end of 2nd date. Is she interested romantically?

[max3732]

Met someone for lunch halfway who lives 1.5 hours away. Thought it went really well and she asked if we could stay longer and I agreed. After that I invited her out again and she said she was traveling and would like to do it another time. Less than a week later she says she's back and is interested in taking me up on my offer for a 2nd date and we again met halfway for lunch and a walk.

During this date she said she was cold and I put my arm on her shoulder and said I'd warm her up. At the end of the date she said she'd want to meet up again and I got her number (we were talking on the dating app before). I went for kiss and got her cheek.

Driving 45 minutes+ is a bit of a commitment, which I wouldn't mind if I knew she was interested romantically. Would she agree to keep seeing me if she wasn't interested? By the 2nd date wouldn't most women be ok with a little kiss at the end?

What do you think I should do?

I've got a date with another woman this weekend and am trying learn from these experiences. 

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, max3732 said:

At the end of the date she said she'd want to meet up again and I got her number (we were talking on the dating app before). I went for kiss and got her cheek.. Driving 45 minutes+ is a bit of a commitment, which I wouldn't mind if I knew she was interested romantically.

Yes, she stated she wants to see you again and she did drive 45 min to see you. Sounds like it's going well. Don't worry about the kiss, may be just too soon. Remember you're both meeting others so maybe she doesn't want to do too much too soon.

[Wiseman2]

48 minutes ago, max3732 said:

I've got a date with another woman this weekend and am trying learn from these experiences. 

There's nothing to "learn" really. every woman is different. Not every woman wants to kiss early on. Also you simply moved in too fast.

Distance is always an issue. On the other side of the coin, the thing to focus on most is in-person interactions and interest in continuing dating. And that is a plus in this scenario. Enjoy the next date and wait for a clearer signal with regard to kissing.

[chillii]

Agree with others op, it sounds like it was just a bit soon, she's still working things out. Butttt, she wanted to see you again so if your really interested see her some more and what and how/if things develop. Agree with above to , so what you drove a little , spent a little , enjoy it man. Good luck.

[Ami1uwant]

3 hours ago, max3732 said:

Met someone for lunch halfway who lives 1.5 hours away. Thought it went really well and she asked if we could stay longer and I agreed. After that I invited her out again and she said she was traveling and would like to do it another time. Less than a week later she says she's back and is interested in taking me up on my offer for a 2nd date and we again met halfway for lunch and a walk.

During this date she said she was cold and I put my arm on her shoulder and said I'd warm her up. At the end of the date she said she'd want to meet up again and I got her number (we were talking on the dating app before). I went for kiss and got her cheek.

Driving 45 minutes+ is a bit of a commitment, which I wouldn't mind if I knew she was interested romantically. Would she agree to keep seeing me if she wasn't interested? By the 2nd date wouldn't most women be ok with a little kiss at the end?

What do you think I should do?

I've got a date with another woman this weekend and am trying learn from these experiences. 

Don’t read into this.

 

some are just slower before they have a kiss.

 

my trigger on kissing is holding hands when you walk.  Don’t have to do it then but make an effort at it.

 

she might have been concerned on her breath after eating what she ate for lunch

[max3732]

On 8/24/2022 at 2:00 PM, Wiseman2 said:

There's nothing to "learn" really. every woman is different. Not every woman wants to kiss early on. Also you simply moved in too fast.

Distance is always an issue. On the other side of the coin, the thing to focus on most is in-person interactions and interest in continuing dating. And that is a plus in this scenario. Enjoy the next date and wait for a clearer signal with regard to kissing.

What signal? Something specific at the end of the date? I thought the fact she wanted to go for a walk after lunch at this date and wanted to stay longer with the previous one meant she was interested. Plus her giving me her number and talking about wanting another date.

My concern (I know I've mentioned this before) is that she will see me as a friend and nice person to talk to, but not want a relationship. 

On 8/24/2022 at 1:47 PM, alwayscurious said:

 

She was laughing a few times. Not sure if I would say "flirty and engaging" though. She's a bit more shy than most of the women I've gone out with. There were a few times she was laughing and it seemed like she was having a good time. 

I know there's no magic formula or action to create romantic sparks or chemistry. I'd hope if she's not interested she'd let me know rather than having both of us drive 45 minutes to see each other.

With my date this weekend I'm again driving 45 minutes but it's to the area where she lives. I didn't really talk with this one on the app that much, but it seems like we've got a lot in common. Hopefully sparks will fly!

Edited August 26, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Deleted quote of previously banned member

[Ami1uwant]

4 hours ago, max3732 said:

What signal? Something specific at the end of the date? I thought the fact she wanted to go for a walk after lunch at this date and wanted to stay longer with the previous one meant she was interested. Plus her giving me her number and talking about wanting another date.

My concern (I know I've mentioned this before) is that she will see me as a friend and nice person to talk to, but not want a relationship. 

She was laughing a few times. Not sure if I would say "flirty and engaging" though. She's a bit more shy than most of the women I've gone out with. There were a few times she was laughing and it seemed like she was having a good time. 

I know there's no magic formula or action to create romantic sparks or chemistry. I'd hope if she's not interested she'd let me know rather than having both of us drive 45 minutes to see each other.

With my date this weekend I'm again driving 45 minutes but it's to the area where she lives. I didn't really talk with this one on the app that much, but it seems like we've got a lot in common. Hopefully sparks will fly!

Asking to get together again is a good sign but it does not  mean she is ready to kiss you.  Like isaid above. Holding hands is a very good sign to then kiss later in the date.

 

 

[max3732]

5 hours ago, Ami1uwant said:

Asking to get together again is a good sign but it does not  mean she is ready to kiss you.  Like isaid above. Holding hands is a very good sign to then kiss later in the date.

 

 

You think on our next date I should reach for her hand when we're walking? I think I've only done that once before in my life and that was after I'd kissed her. So I might be a bit nervous/awkward trying for that, but it's worth a try. 

3 hours ago, alwayscurious said:

 

On paper we have a lot in common as far as interests and education. Plus I like what she wrote in her profile and she's really cute. Figured I'd be better off getting to know her in person than through messaging on the app. 

I'll definitely post what happens

Edited August 26, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Deleted quote of previously banned member

[Ami1uwant]

16 minutes ago, max3732 said:

You think on our next date I should reach for her hand when we're walking? I think I've only done that once before in my life and that was after I'd kissed her. So I might be a bit nervous/awkward trying for that, but it's worth a try. 

On paper we have a lot in common as far as interests and education. Plus I like what she wrote in her profile and she's really cute. Figured I'd be better off getting to know her in person than through messaging on the app. 

I'll definitely post what happens

If you are walking it’s a low risk event where your hands happen to touch. It’s a lot easier than trying to go fir the kiss.

 

don’t try and grab the hand. Just let thrm natural collide. If you are sitting at a bench just have the hand be close to hers.

[smackie9]

You two have only met twice....you hardly know each other. The first was a meet and greet, the second was actually a first date both for lunch, that's daylight dates I'm guessing for security reasons. Lunch dates are hardly romantic dating wise. You are getting to know one another which she obviously wants to do if she keeps saying yes to seeing you AND driving all that way to do it. It takes time to build trust and an emotional connection. It's different if you were teenagers right? In those days everyone threw caution into the wind. I agree don't force things with her. Just be engaging and fun, make her laugh, let her get comfortable with you. Next time suggest an evening date like dinner and a movie, or an event, then dinner after. It's summer there must be like a theatre in a park or something like that going on.

[max3732]

4 hours ago, smackie9 said:

You two have only met twice....you hardly know each other. The first was a meet and greet, the second was actually a first date both for lunch, that's daylight dates I'm guessing for security reasons. Lunch dates are hardly romantic dating wise. You are getting to know one another which she obviously wants to do if she keeps saying yes to seeing you AND driving all that way to do it. It takes time to build trust and an emotional connection. It's different if you were teenagers right? In those days everyone threw caution into the wind. I agree don't force things with her. Just be engaging and fun, make her laugh, let her get comfortable with you. Next time suggest an evening date like dinner and a movie, or an event, then dinner after. It's summer there must be like a theatre in a park or something like that going on.

She said she'd be fine for a movie or any other activity. Part of the reason I've been doing lunch is because it's a much easier drive during the day. 

I'm not sure what you mean about it being different if we were teenagers. When I was a teenager I only went out with groups and was pretty cautious.

[Lotsgoingon]

Forget about the kissing. 

If you guys are connecting, the kissing will happen. She will make it easy for you to kiss her when she's ready. 

Now, a little concern. The kiss doesn't make the date and a kiss doesn't confirm romantic interest on both sides. 

The date--the energy and excitement of the date, the energy and excitement in you and in her, the thrill you and the other person feel (or don't)--that makes the date. Her telling you she had a good time and even asking to extend the date (first one, I think), that's a good signal. 

Sounds like you're looking for a good way, a safe way, to express your romantic interest. Well there are far better ways and easier ways than "going for" a kiss at the end. 

If you want to "escalate" in a healthy way, speak up about how much fun you're having and say what you like about her. "Love your smile." Like the way she talks, thinks, tells stories? Her humor, the way she laughs? Share that. The catch is it's got to be true and you have to sorta feel it (feel how great her smile is) as opposed to intellectually think it (wow, yes, she has a cool smile, which is different than the smile really turning me on). Oh, and if you're not feeling such excitement that could lead to a complement, that's fine. Just means you don't really have romantic interest in her--at least not yet.

A simple "wow, you look great!" (as long as you really feel that) is a smart way to escalate (express more than platonic interest). You'll get a response from her.

If you guys are ready to kiss, it will happen. Without you trying one bit, it will happen. 

Edited August 27, 2022 by Lotsgoingon

[max3732]

On 8/27/2022 at 5:20 PM, Lotsgoingon said:

Forget about the kissing. 

If you guys are connecting, the kissing will happen. She will make it easy for you to kiss her when she's ready. 

Now, a little concern. The kiss doesn't make the date and a kiss doesn't confirm romantic interest on both sides. 

The date--the energy and excitement of the date, the energy and excitement in you and in her, the thrill you and the other person feel (or don't)--that makes the date. Her telling you she had a good time and even asking to extend the date (first one, I think), that's a good signal. 

Sounds like you're looking for a good way, a safe way, to express your romantic interest. Well there are far better ways and easier ways than "going for" a kiss at the end. 

If you want to "escalate" in a healthy way, speak up about how much fun you're having and say what you like about her. "Love your smile." Like the way she talks, thinks, tells stories? Her humor, the way she laughs? Share that. The catch is it's got to be true and you have to sorta feel it (feel how great her smile is) as opposed to intellectually think it (wow, yes, she has a cool smile, which is different than the smile really turning me on). Oh, and if you're not feeling such excitement that could lead to a complement, that's fine. Just means you don't really have romantic interest in her--at least not yet.

A simple "wow, you look great!" (as long as you really feel that) is a smart way to escalate (express more than platonic interest). You'll get a response from her.

If you guys are ready to kiss, it will happen. Without you trying one bit, it will happen. 

As promised earlier here I thought I'd give a bit of follow up after my 1st date with a different woman.

I sort of took your advice about escalating.

We seemed to hit it off right away and during our conversation I made comments like the ones you suggested. Complimented her smile, her work ethic, way of thinking, passion about this subject etc.

At the end of the date I suggested getting together again and an activity and she suggested this place close to her so I'm pretty sure she wants to get together again. As we were talking by her car I kind of got closer to her physically and went for and got the kiss and she just smiled and then kept talking after that. So I think she must have enjoyed our conversation cause it didn't seem like she wanted to leave.

If we do go on a 2nd date it would be close to her, which is like 45 minutes from me. I'd like to keep the chemistry going and at some point would like to escalate to more kissing or cuddling with her, but don't want to invite myself to her place. I'm guessing if she were interested she'd offer, right? I was thinking at the least I could offer to pick her up and drop her off.

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, max3732 said:

I'd like to keep the chemistry going and at some point would like to escalate to more kissing or cuddling with her, but don't want to invite myself to her place. I'm guessing if she were interested she'd offer, right? 

Yikes. No. Do not keep trying to "escalate". Never suggest going to a woman's place on date 2. Or suggest picking her up at her place (for the very transparent reason of "escalating"). It sounds like patience could be your friend here rather than tactics to get in their place/pants asap.

[max3732]

54 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Yikes. No. Do not keep trying to "escalate". Never suggest going to a woman's place on date 2. Or suggest picking her up at her place (for the very transparent reason of "escalating"). It sounds like patience could be your friend here rather than tactics to get in their place/pants asap.

Which date would you suggest offering to pick her up? I've picked up other women on 2nd or 3rd dates where I just drove by the apartment and she got in and out of the car. I never actually went up to any of those apartments.

I'm not trying to use tactics get into her pants asap. I've been very patient in that regard as I'm still a virgin and over 40 now.

Obviously what's even more important is finding out if we are a good fit for each other to continue dating and being in a relationship that could lead to marriage and kids.

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, max3732 said:

Obviously what's even more important is finding out if we are a good fit for each other to continue dating and being in a relationship that could lead to marriage and kids.

Ok, that is patience. It's better to err on the side of "gentleman" than too forward.

[glows]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Yikes. No. Do not keep trying to "escalate". Never suggest going to a woman's place on date 2. Or suggest picking her up at her place (for the very transparent reason of "escalating"). It sounds like patience could be your friend here rather than tactics to get in their place/pants asap.

Agree. And also with many points from Smackie earlier. There’s a lot of anxiety about being friendzoned. Be more present in what she says and getting to know her. You hardly know one another.

Keep meeting with her. If she agrees to meet or date you each meeting is an opportunity to learn more about one another. Do you like her enough to travel 45 min or 1.5 hours? That’s not a small distance. I would have crossed major highways, a bridge over a river and three municipalities where I am in 45 min and it’s quite a bit of gas, not to mention precious time. If you’re not keen about the commute as well be more honest with yourself. You’re putting a lot of pressure on both of you to prove that this is worth the time and travel. 

[Ami1uwant]

2 hours ago, max3732 said:

As promised earlier here I thought I'd give a bit of follow up after my 1st date with a different woman.

I sort of took your advice about escalating.

We seemed to hit it off right away and during our conversation I made comments like the ones you suggested. Complimented her smile, her work ethic, way of thinking, passion about this subject etc.

At the end of the date I suggested getting together again and an activity and she suggested this place close to her so I'm pretty sure she wants to get together again. As we were talking by her car I kind of got closer to her physically and went for and got the kiss and she just smiled and then kept talking after that. So I think she must have enjoyed our conversation cause it didn't seem like she wanted to leave.

If we do go on a 2nd date it would be close to her, which is like 45 minutes from me. I'd like to keep the chemistry going and at some point would like to escalate to more kissing or cuddling with her, but don't want to invite myself to her place. I'm guessing if she were interested she'd offer, right? I was thinking at the least I could offer to pick her up and drop her off.

When you walked her to the car did you try and hold hands?  Innocent walking and hands colliding accidentally….

[Lotsgoingon]

You're still jumping ahead and trying really hard. No need for that--in fact it backfires.

First of all, and I get that this is hard if you have not dated at lot by 40. But figure, figure out (take your time) if you REALLY like her. That's #1. It's easier when we're a bit desperate to just go for whoever presents themselves as half-way interested. Trust me--that doesn't work. And not figuring out if you really like them is probably part of your problem. 

Seriously, the kiss doesn't mean anything. Lots of women will go along with a kiss that a guy initiates just to "see" and because they don't want to turn away. That's not a really much of a sign. Again, what you want is that the chemistry is such that kissing isn't an issue. She'll initiate if the vibe is there and you're really hesitating. 

One good conversational date and a kiss doesn't mean anything. 

So to challenge you a bit: what makes this woman worthy of going out with again? 

[max3732]

10 hours ago, glows said:

Agree. And also with many points from Smackie earlier. There’s a lot of anxiety about being friendzoned. Be more present in what she says and getting to know her. You hardly know one another.

Keep meeting with her. If she agrees to meet or date you each meeting is an opportunity to learn more about one another. Do you like her enough to travel 45 min or 1.5 hours? That’s not a small distance. I would have crossed major highways, a bridge over a river and three municipalities where I am in 45 min and it’s quite a bit of gas, not to mention precious time. If you’re not keen about the commute as well be more honest with yourself. You’re putting a lot of pressure on both of you to prove that this is worth the time and travel. 

My first attempt at a relationship I got friendzoned and then got friendzoned in several others after so I'm rather anxious about it still.

This one lives 45 minutes away. There is another one I'm still in touch with who lives 1.5 hours away. It's only 45 minutes with no traffic. When there's traffic it can be more like 1.5 hours. I'd hope she'd be willing come down to my area or meet where I'm driving 20 minutes. 

The distance definitely puts pressure with both of them.

8 hours ago, Ami1uwant said:

When you walked her to the car did you try and hold hands?  Innocent walking and hands colliding accidentally….

I did very briefly have my hand brush against hers, but didn't actually try to hold it. I also went to show her something at the table and "accidentially" brushed against her hand.

7 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

You're still jumping ahead and trying really hard. No need for that--in fact it backfires.

First of all, and I get that this is hard if you have not dated at lot by 40. But figure, figure out (take your time) if you REALLY like her. That's #1. It's easier when we're a bit desperate to just go for whoever presents themselves as half-way interested. Trust me--that doesn't work. And not figuring out if you really like them is probably part of your problem. 

Seriously, the kiss doesn't mean anything. Lots of women will go along with a kiss that a guy initiates just to "see" and because they don't want to turn away. That's not a really much of a sign. Again, what you want is that the chemistry is such that kissing isn't an issue. She'll initiate if the vibe is there and you're really hesitating. 

One good conversational date and a kiss doesn't mean anything. 

So to challenge you a bit: what makes this woman worthy of going out with again? 

There were a lot of things I liked about this one. We have similar education backgrounds, political values, interests, goals for the relationship and I think she's cute. She's also in the age range I wanted to find and just really enjoyed our conversation and can see lots of opportunities to keep learning more about her.

On the other hand she is much more analytical than me (and I can be pretty analytical) and I'm not sure if she can be as silly as I like from women. I like the fact she's very straight forward and opinionated, but wonder if we'd get into heated arguments if we didn't share the same opinion where she thinks she's always right.

What I really liked about the conversation was we talked about deep beliefs and views of the world and we're on the same page there. It was just very refreshing that I felt like we were both connecting on things that matter. With some of my other dates we connected over food or movies or things like that.

[Ami1uwant]

31 minutes ago, max3732 said:

My first attempt at a relationship I got friendzoned and then got friendzoned in several others after so I'm rather anxious about it still.

This one lives 45 minutes away. There is another one I'm still in touch with who lives 1.5 hours away. It's only 45 minutes with no traffic. When there's traffic it can be more like 1.5 hours. I'd hope she'd be willing come down to my area or meet where I'm driving 20 minutes. 

The distance definitely puts pressure with both of them.

I did very briefly have my hand brush against hers, but didn't actually try to hold it. I also went to show her something at the table and "accidentially" brushed against her hand.

There were a lot of things I liked about this one. We have similar education backgrounds, political values, interests, goals for the relationship and I think she's cute. She's also in the age range I wanted to find and just really enjoyed our conversation and can see lots of opportunities to keep learning more about her.

On the other hand she is much more analytical than me (and I can be pretty analytical) and I'm not sure if she can be as silly as I like from women. I like the fact she's very straight forward and opinionated, but wonder if we'd get into heated arguments if we didn't share the same opinion where she thinks she's always right.

What I really liked about the conversation was we talked about deep beliefs and views of the world and we're on the same page there. It was just very refreshing that I felt like we were both connecting on things that matter. With some of my other dates we connected over food or movies or things like that.

 

how are you measuring analytical?

[chillii]

Op , it's just about what you think of her , feeling, and ea other at this stage or you can bring any of that undone getting ahead of yourself worrying about a bit of a drive or things might clash between you, "might" , when they aren't even happening. if you've been having a nice time and liking her more, ea other ,that parts big just go with it,  as apposed to beginning to not liking things about her, that parts big too-  but if it's not even happening, just try to enjoy, not over think or negative it all up too much. Just a bit of time usually brings whatever will be, out.

Edited August 30, 2022 by chillii

[Will am I]

So you had two dates with woman A (and there will be a third one). And one date with woman B (and there will be a second one).

A didn't kiss you. B did.

 

I think both women showed enough romantic interest. I do understand both women's choices for (not) kissing. For some people it's something fun you do on a date. For others it's something that belongs in a romantic relationship.

You're not exclusive with either woman yet, because you're dating two women at the same time. That right there is a great reason for woman A not to kiss just yet. I would guess she probably desires exclusivity before anything is going to happen. 

 

 

[Alpacalia]

You’re overthinking this.

If the only reason to date her is for a kiss on the second date, reconsider your motives.

She is definitely interested in you if she wants to go on a third date with you. 

Keeping in mind that not everyone's love language is physical touch, and that you will need to build trust before you can kiss her repetitively for longer periods of time is all it takes. My recommendation would be to go ahead and go, respect her boundaries, and get to know her a little better on a mental and emotional one by getting to know her. Then, if this is something for you, that kiss will come at the right time, when both of you are ready for it. 

On the other hand, if it seems that you’re interested in a romantic relationship with affection showed, and she wants to just be buddies, then make your decision.

Have a good time, enjoy each other’s company.

She clearly likes spending time with you.🙂

[smackie9]

On 8/27/2022 at 12:48 PM, max3732 said:

When I was a teenager I only went out with groups and was pretty cautious.

My, things must have changed since I was a teenager.