Why am I not attracted to tall guys?

[Livly23]

Hey guys, I joined this site some time ago but am new to posting advice/questions. Throughout my entire life I have in drilled in my head by society, family members, friends, etc. that tall dark handsome guys are the most attractive and I have tried to believe that but I feel like I'm unlike other girls due to the fact that I don't like stereotypically masculine men. 

I'm 18 years old girl, half Asian from my mom's side and half white from my dad's, around 5'7-5'8 and very willowy 120-125 lbs (I have done modeling work since 15 when I hit my growth spurt) and have been described as others by very feminine in the sense that I have really long hair, makeup, and love to wear dresses. However, I do not like being treated as 'feminine' and do not understand why girls like being "protected." The term makes me barf and I hate the thought of a big strong man towering over me and protecting me it just feels gross and infantilizing. I don't like big feet or big hands on guys either because the guys with these traits have often told me and other girls that they could "manhandle" us with their strong physical parts and I felt like throwing up once I heard that. I love being treated as equal or viewed as more superior to the guy in a relationship in a sense. Growing up I was one of the top students in my class which my strict asian mom enforced, and one of the tallest since very young which may have contributed to this phenomenon. I think since I was little I was used to being "superior" to all the guys height wise and intellectually and now I feel like I seek more submissive and sensitive guys. 

 Just trying to describe the situation objectively I get fairly large amounts of male attention and lots of tall guys who think I will like them just for being tall and solidly built. Just last week I was bagging groceries as I'm a senior in high school and have a job at Publix,  one 6'7 man who looked in my opinion absolutely repulsive like a hulking giant kept asking me forcefully for a date, repeatedly mentioning his height as a point of attraction, my manager handled him but I felt it such a turn off. 

The guy I've been recently talking to is 100 percent my type physically and intellectually, he's a couple inches shorter at 5'4.5 and is very gentle and acts more 'feminine' in a societal sense. My mom said she's ashamed that I'm dating a short guy, and as a girl as beautiful and as many options as I have, why didn't I settle with someone like my dad (who's 6'2 and very muscular) and I said that's creepy why would I go for a guy that could look like he could break me in half. 

I don't even know if this is a vent or if I'm asking for advice but I know that it's apparently very rare to want to not be protected and not to want a big hulking masculine guy towering over me. I guess I'm also looking on advice on how to deal with my mom's demands to find a tall guy. 

[Weezy1973]

You like what you like. Tastes do change with time, yours may or may not. There are “gentle giants” out there as well. And although hard, you don’t have to worry about what your mom thinks. She’s allowed to have her opinions, and your are allowed to be different. 
 

I’d also say being legitimately attracted to people that aren’t the “norm” gives you an advantage. There are likely some great shorter guys that are being overlooked by most women due to their height. That gives you a lot of options.

[Livly23]

5 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

You like what you like. Tastes do change with time, yours may or may not. There are “gentle giants” out there as well. And although hard, you don’t have to worry about what your mom thinks. She’s allowed to have her opinions, and your are allowed to be different. 
 

I’d also say being legitimately attracted to people that aren’t the “norm” gives you an advantage. There are likely some great shorter guys that are being overlooked by most women due to their height. That gives you a lot of options.

Thank you for great insight  I do not know why society pushes the narrative of the man being taller. In fact, in some countries height does not matter at all to women (my friends all seem to require men over 6') and it just makes me so exasperated. In addition men used to wear dresses, high heels, pink, etc. which is now regarded as feminine due to societal influence which means its not in women's innate nature to seek out a big man. No girl grew up immediately attracted to huge guys but I do feel a huge demand from society to select one. 

[salparadise]

Don't let anyone –– mom, society, friends, or anyone else –– tell you what you "should be" attracted to or who you should date. You've got a good head on your shoulders and an independent way of thinking and seeing the world. Embrace that and strive to be authentically you. I commend you for not being on the protector-provider bandwagon as well. It's an outmoded paradigm in the 21st century where women have full agency and are fully functioning human beings. I'm an older man, but I also have non-stereotypical preferences. I like femininity but prefer women who are their own person and will be fifty-fifty in terms of how they relate. I've expressed these things in many threads, and get a lot of pushback from the traditionalists. You just need to learn to be gently assertive when you encounter pressure to conform. You may want to explain this to your mom (and be kind in doing so). The most beautiful people are those who have the courage to be themselves despite pressure to conform to other's expectations. You're living in a wonderful time. We are seeing tipping points in many realms now, whereas rigidity and conformity were required when I was growing up. Give yourself permission to be exactly who you are! All the best.

Edited August 26, 2022 by salparadise

[Livly23]

6 minutes ago, salparadise said:

Don't let anyone –– mom, society, friends, or anyone else –– tell you what you "should be" attracted to or who you should date. You've got a good head on your shoulders and an independent way of thinking and seeing the world. Embrace that and strive to be authentically you. I commend you for not being on the protector-provider bandwagon as well. It's an outmoded paradigm in the 21st century where women have full agency and are fully functioning human beings. I'm an older man, but I also have non-stereotypical preferences. I like femininity but prefer women who are their own person and will be fifty-fifty in terms of how they relate. I've expressed these things in many threads, and get a lot of pushback from the traditionalists. You just need to learn to be gently assertive when you encounter pressure to conform. You may want to explain this to your mom (and be kind in doing so). The most beautiful people are those who have the courage to be themselves despite pressure to conform to other's expectations. You're living in a wonderful time. We are seeing tipping points in many realms now, whereas rigidity and conformity were required when I was growing up. Give yourself permission to be exactly who you are! All the best.

I really appreciate your reply  and I completely agree with all your points! I think the fact society can be really toxic at times at enforcing the dynamic at male-female relationships. I've seen some of my short male friends being treated in an inhumane manner by girls and it makes me upset to see them getting laughed at something they have no control over. There is even a trend on TikTok (I don't know whether you have the app) where the song goes, "I'm not into short guys" and the girl smiles in the camera accompanied by her super tall boyfriend. Absolutely ridiculous. 

As for my mom, I guess she'll have to realize that love is love and is not dependent on something someone has no control over, I have explained to my mom but she just told me I will come to my senses and marry a tall guy eventually or else. 

[Ami1uwant]

44 minutes ago, Livly23 said:

Thank you for great insight  I do not know why society pushes the narrative of the man being taller. In fact, in some countries height does not matter at all to women (my friends all seem to require men over 6') and it just makes me so exasperated. In addition men used to wear dresses, high heels, pink, etc. which is now regarded as feminine due to societal influence which means its not in women's innate nature to seek out a big man. No girl grew up immediately attracted to huge guys but I do feel a huge demand from society to select one. 

Some advice from a guy….

 

most guys assume a woman wants a man a biypt taller because they want to wear heels but not feel like they are towering over him.

if you are welcome to guys your height dating you then you shoukd try to signal to thrm you have interest because they might not try 

 

you are who you are attracted to….if it’s based on hair color/ style, skin tones, body shape, height, etc.

[stillafool]

It's no big deal that you like short guys.  I'm 5'7 and have dated shorter men too.  Lot's of models date men shorter than them.  Short guys can be just as strong if not stronger than taller men, and just as good looking if not more.  Plus I heard short people live longer.  It's your business if you like effeminate men.  That guy at the grocery store is a creep to be hitting on a high schooler.  Yuk!  Good that you feel secure enough to protect yourself.  That will come in handy in life.