Starting again

[Anomymous]

So. Myself and my girlfriend are 26 years old. We have been together for 2 and a half years. 
we started dating just before the covid pandemic. But unfortunately due to lockdown restrictions, our dating experience was cut too short.
At the time, I was 23 and living at home with my vulnerable father and grandmother. As I was a plumber in high demand, I was in the category of ‘key worker’. Due to my work life, this meant I could no longer live in my family home due to their safety.

fortunately, the girl I was dating had kindly offered for me to live with her and her family. We thought the lockdown would last for 2 weeks as the government had outlined. Little did we know that it would occur for months.

unfortunately, we were one of those couples who’s relationships had ended after lockdown had been eased, due to the strain of the continuous time being spent together at such an early stage of a relationship. 
after our break up, I had been offered a place to rent. Within a month of the break up and some much needed space. We had regrouped to carry on our dating experience. However we had both become excited with eachothers presence, that without realising, we had actually moved in together creating our own home as a couple. Yet again, skipping the dating stage and rushing in too quick.

we both have full on jobs. And a year after living together in our home, we have both experienced some difficulties within both of our families.

my dad had suddenly become ill, and unexpectedly passed away months later. This has caused a massive hole in my life now and some great deal of trauma after witnessing him pass away.

i am awaiting bereavement counselling.

my girlfriend had recently finished her course of counselling. This counselling was set in place to help her overcome anxiety and childhood trauma.

however since her counselling has finished, she seems to need a lot of space and time. She now struggles with affection and intimacy.

Therefor we had both agreed to lessen the intensity of our relationship. Part of this has involved sleeping in separate rooms. Although we were still in a loving and respectful relationship.

she has been of great support for me since my dads passing and she has told me I have been a great support to her too.

but she had ended our relationship 1 week ago saying that she feels like she is suffocated. Not by myself, but with the idea of a relationship right now.

i respect how she is feeling and have offered my support to do what we can to make sure that we are both okay.

we are currently still living together and will spend time together but not as a couple.

my feelings for her are too strong to let this go, although I feel like I should not say anything to her about this as I do not want to pressure her.

she is currently looking to rent a house with her friend, whilst I move back into my dads house on my own.

we have tonight had a conversation about our lives after we both leave our house we have had together for over a year. 
I had suggested that we live apart and have 1 date night a week. This may not have been fair for me to say as it may have pressured her. She said we will see how things go. Leaving me very confused as to where we stand with eachother.

i am aware that she had broken up with me, but am I wrong and selfish for wanting to go back to dating eachother?

any advice or any help on what I should do what be greatly appreciated.

[stillafool]

My advice is to do as she wants and let her go.  I know it's painful to break up when nothing has happened to force it, like constant arguing or cheating.  The best way to make her miss you is to go missing in action and not be available to her anymore.  Dating every now and then will leave you frustrated and anxious.  Now that you're moving back to your Dad's empty house maybe you can redecorate to make it more your style which will be fun; and in addition to your work keep you busy so you don't think about her.  Definitely start dating other girls because that will help.  You have a great career and will be fine.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Anomymous said:

had a conversation about our lives after we both leave our house we have had together for over a year. 

I had suggested that we live apart and have 1 date night a week. 

Sorry this is happening. Yes, too much too soon. Too much suffocating. Move out as soon as possible. Dating or staying friends after a breakup just drags out the pain.

Step way back. Get your living arrangements in order and focus on therapy and more emotional independence.

You've already tried living together under various circumstances and it's not working. Moving out is the end of a relationship, not a variation of it.

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, Anomymous said:

am I wrong and selfish for wanting to go back to dating eachother?

No, you're not wrong for wanting that. 

However, it's also not a very realistic proposition. You two have tried a couple times and it doesn't work. Two break-ups is your proof of that. It's time to accept that you two are not meant to be together, and let her go.