its_me_123 Posted August 27, 2022 Share Posted August 27, 2022 Hi there, I have recently put myself on a dating website and have been chatting to a woman in which I made the first contact. We are now chatting a fair bit and have a lot in common which is great. I also messaged some other women, but they didn't reply, until one did about a week later. I decided to chat to her and it seems we have a lot in common too. The first woman has asked if I would like to meet up so I have said yes. However I feel really bad not talking to the other one knowing that I may not take it any further with her if I get on well with the first one. Should I be feeling this way? I thought you could date several people at once and then only when you are dating exclusively you only date the one person. Do I see how it goes with the first woman first and then meet the other one too? Or should I let the second one know? If I let her know I feel she will be hurt which I really don't want to do and she has opened up to me about things so we have built a lot of trust. Really in a sticky situation now! Any advice would be great, thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 27, 2022 Share Posted August 27, 2022 28 minutes ago, its_me_123 said: Do I see how it goes with the first woman first and then meet the other one too? This, yes. You have no idea if you and the first woman will hit it off in person, anyway. Plan a date with both of them and then decide what you would like to do. Neither of them needs to know about you meeting others at this point, and frankly if you're all on a dating website they likely assume it's a given (and they're probably talking to and seeing other men too) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 27, 2022 Share Posted August 27, 2022 1 hour ago, its_me_123 said: I have recently put myself on a dating website and have been chatting to a woman in which I made the first contact. We are now chatting a fair bit and have a lot in common which is great. I also messaged some other women, but they didn't reply, until one did about a week later. I decided to chat to her and it seems we have a lot in common too. The first woman has asked if I would like to meet up so I have said yes. However I feel really bad not talking to the other one knowing that I may not take it any further with her if I get on well with the first one. It's fine. That is what online dating is about. You make contact, exchange some messages, meet and decide if you want another date. Talking is not dating so don't get attached to anyone or any particular outcome. Link to post Share on other sites
Author its_me_123 Posted August 27, 2022 Author Share Posted August 27, 2022 Thanks for the replies. That all makes sense. The thing is, we have both been talking on quite a personal level, sharing quite personal things that we wouldn't tell other people. Not sure if that's normal, but both seem to be doing it so there must be some sense in that. The more we talk on this personal lever, the more I don't want to hurt any of them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 27, 2022 Share Posted August 27, 2022 You are just talking, and they are doing the same thing as you...talking to others, dating others. If anyone thinks that doesn't or isn't happening, that's on them because that's just being naive. You can be politely decline any further contact once you decide to just date one. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 27, 2022 Share Posted August 27, 2022 (edited) 8 minutes ago, its_me_123 said: Thanks for the replies. That all makes sense. The thing is, we have both been talking on quite a personal level, sharing quite personal things that we wouldn't tell other people. Not sure if that's normal, but both seem to be doing it so there must be some sense in that. The more we talk on this personal lever, the more I don't want to hurt any of them. This isn't a good idea. What is being created here is false intimacy and it can cause all kinds of grief when you end up wanting to exit/next them. Or you can end up just being their chat buddy/penpal...just don't go there. It's best to save that stuff for later when you wish to continue seeing them on a serious level. Keep things light and fun, no heavy stuff that may sink you later. Remember this is a stranger, you don't want to reveal too much personal information about yourself. Have a few messages and ask them out on a date...keep it simple. Edited August 27, 2022 by smackie9 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 27, 2022 Share Posted August 27, 2022 21 minutes ago, its_me_123 said: The thing is, we have both been talking on quite a personal level, sharing quite personal things that we wouldn't tell other people. Not sure if that's normal, but both seem to be doing it so there must be some sense in that. Try not to share too much or text too much before meeting. You don't know these women and you don't want to attract textbuddies or timewasters. You also should avoid playing therapist to someone who overshares. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted August 27, 2022 Share Posted August 27, 2022 23 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: avoid playing therapist to someone who overshares. This too^^^ man O man you don't want to get trapped in their hot mess of codependency 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 28, 2022 Share Posted August 28, 2022 17 hours ago, its_me_123 said: we have both been talking on quite a personal level, sharing quite personal things that we wouldn't tell other people This is not wise. You don't know each other. Over-sharing with internet strangers suggests you both lack boundaries and are perhaps trying fill voids in your personal life, such as the need for a confidante. Don't confused texting for true emotional intimacy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 28, 2022 Share Posted August 28, 2022 19 hours ago, its_me_123 said: Thanks for the replies. That all makes sense. The thing is, we have both been talking on quite a personal level, sharing quite personal things that we wouldn't tell other people. Not sure if that's normal, but both seem to be doing it so there must be some sense in that. The more we talk on this personal lever, the more I don't want to hurt any of them. Keep things light and date whomever you want. Screen also. You may be attracting individuals who are unstable and fresh out of relationships if they are oversharing or sticking around for you oversharing. Enjoy. Link to post Share on other sites
Clarity1 Posted August 31, 2022 Share Posted August 31, 2022 You're under no obligation to let anyone know what you're doing. It's online dating, and what comes with this is a lack of investment from people. Yes, you may be speaking about personal things but it's over text, there's not as much emotional commitment to this. This is why, if she's seeing other people and connects better with them things can just become stone cold. So, you should also be going on dates. How else are you going to find the right fit for you? You can't base your decisions purely on a chat over an app. The majority of users will be going on multiple dates, both of them included. Link to post Share on other sites
Estes Posted August 31, 2022 Share Posted August 31, 2022 I've always multiple dated when I'm single and looking. You're way overthinking this, you've got no obligation to any one until and unless you have the "Exclusive" talk. Many people date several people at once because more often then not, the first date doesn't go anywhere, and/or the other person is also considering other options. If you're asked by either woman, just say something to the effect of, "I date, until I find a woman and we mutually agree to see only each other". Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts