The woman I'm dating has no basic general knowledge and is completely clueless about a lot of things

[gvitesse]

I’ve been dating this person for nearly a year now. She’s a nice person, down to earth and is serious about settling down. Before we decided to date, she told me one of her requirements is that the guy should have permanent full-time job with a good career. After the first date, she started talking about buying a house together because she feels her time is running out (She is 32 and I’m 29). This freaked me out a bit.

I noticed a pattern ever since I met, and this is making me apprehensive about whether I should continue seeing her. She changes her jobs every 2-3 months. From what I gathered so far; she has changed 5 jobs in just 1 year. She joins a company, tells me how excited she is and how she’s impressing her managers, talks about her hard work, how much better her job is compared to previous one and then quits suddenly because a recruiter called her with a better job offer. Every time she quits, she tells me her managers were rude to her because she made a minor mistake or that her work environment was stressful with toxic work culture and that made her quit. a

Whenever she joins a new company, she needs to spend a few weekends to learn, get familiar with the training or work hard to impress everyone. Because of this, she tells me she can’t meet. We been seeing each other just once a month now. This is getting exhausting for me because she just joined a new company a month ago and is already talking to recruiters for a new job. What shocked me is she has remained as a junior accountant despite being in the industry for several years. I tried to tell her that this would look extremely bad, but she doesn’t seem to care.

[Wiseman2]

3 minutes ago, gvitesse said:

. After the first date, she started talking about buying a house together because she feels her time is running out (She is 32 and I’m 29). 

Her job and frequent job changes is not the real shocker here.

Talking about buying a house and her clock is ticking after the first date is a red flag.

Step back and reflect if this is the right woman and situation for you.

You don't have to justify being turned off due to her professional problems. The house baby marriage pressure since date one is enough.

[basil67]

I understand that her time is running out and she doesn't want to waste precious time on those who aren't seeking a LTR.  But talking about buying a house together on the first date - before she barely knows you - is truly alarming.  It suggests she'll consider anyone who has enough money to allow her to settle down.

The job hopping is also an issue, but a far lesser one than this ^

[Foxhall]

On 8/11/2022 at 10:48 AM, gvitesse said:

Every time she quits, she tells me her managers were rude to her because she made a minor mistake or that her work environment was stressful with toxic work culture and that made her quit

Yes agreeing it can be an unfulfilling sector to work in,  

no harm that she questions all that environment, trying to find ways to beat the system and keep irritating bosses at a distance I suppose is the key

I always admire someone like that personally.

in saying that its probably not her correct path,

if your providing the security she can embrace a more wild streak perhaps.

[ShyViolet]

This woman sounds like a lot of drama and poor decision making.  It should have been a major red flag that she talked about buying a house together on the first date.  And the fact that she can't keep a job.... she sounds very unstable, professionally and emotionally.  You should absolutely not do anything life-changing for this woman such as buying a house with her.  I would seriously rethink this relationship if I were you.

[salparadise]

On 8/11/2022 at 5:48 AM, gvitesse said:

We been seeing each other just once a month now.

Seriously? Something about all of this just doesn't add up (pun intended). 

If she can't be satisfied or stick with an  employment situations for more than 2-3 months –– I'd betcha mil it's not limited to the employment context. Does she have friends, and if so have you met any of them? Telling you up front that she requires a well-heeled man, and then floating the idea of buying a house after the first date are both red flags. And dating a year and only seeing each other once a month? C'mon man. You know something is stranger than fiction with this one. Let me guess... she's a hottie, and that's how she keeps getting hired and how she's keeping you on the string and hardly ever seeing you. 1. Open eyes  2. Act in own self-interest

Edited August 13, 2022 by salparadise

[Weezy1973]

Lot’s of flags here. Look up “borderline personality disorder”. Not diagnosing her. Just check it out and see what you think. 

[glows]

On 8/11/2022 at 2:48 AM, gvitesse said:

I’ve been dating this person for nearly a year now. She’s a nice person, down to earth and is serious about settling down. Before we decided to date, she told me one of her requirements is that the guy should have permanent full-time job with a good career. After the first date, she started talking about buying a house together because she feels her time is running out (She is 32 and I’m 29). This freaked me out a bit.

I noticed a pattern ever since I met, and this is making me apprehensive about whether I should continue seeing her. She changes her jobs every 2-3 months. From what I gathered so far; she has changed 5 jobs in just 1 year. She joins a company, tells me how excited she is and how she’s impressing her managers, talks about her hard work, how much better her job is compared to previous one and then quits suddenly because a recruiter called her with a better job offer. Every time she quits, she tells me her managers were rude to her because she made a minor mistake or that her work environment was stressful with toxic work culture and that made her quit. a

Whenever she joins a new company, she needs to spend a few weekends to learn, get familiar with the training or work hard to impress everyone. Because of this, she tells me she can’t meet. We been seeing each other just once a month now. This is getting exhausting for me because she just joined a new company a month ago and is already talking to recruiters for a new job. What shocked me is she has remained as a junior accountant despite being in the industry for several years. I tried to tell her that this would look extremely bad, but she doesn’t seem to care.

She may be comparing herself to her peers or others around her, family, friends etc. Let her go if you don’t see yourself with her. You’ll be doing both of yourselves a favour and saving yourself the hassle of questioning the motives and stability of a partner. This is what you call zero peace of mind. 

Pick someone with whom you see eye to eye.

[ShyViolet]

On 8/11/2022 at 5:48 AM, gvitesse said:

she tells me she can’t meet. We been seeing each other just once a month now. 

Even putting aside all the other red flags for a second... this alone is bizarre and would be enough reason to end a relationship.  Something is very, very off about this woman.

[stillafool]

She seems like someone who needs a meal ticket (man with a good job) to support her eventually when she completely stops working.  I'd say good-bye quickly to this one because if you can't see her what good is she to you?

[Alpacalia]

Do you have any idea about the past relationships she has had? Does she have a history of being engaged or married multiple times? 

In agreement with others. There is something terribly wrong with this picture.

It's likely that a woman suggesting that you buy a house on your first date is trying to tie you up in some way, especially if she's constantly changing jobs.

[JohnGoober]

I (29M) met a woman (she is 32) off a dating app several months ago. She is kind, down to earth, polite, humble and all these traits made me feel attracted to her. From the very beginning, she seemed very innocent and clueless. She is a Buddhist so that’s what she has been learning and practicing her entire life. She doesn’t seem to be interested in anything else - news, music, TV shows, movies, outdoor activities, and I feel like she has been this way her entire life. I realized this when she told me she’s never heard of TV shows or movies such as friends, big bang theory, batman. Not knowing what’s going on around her makes it difficult to connect with people and talk to people about everyday events. She’s completely clueless about a lot of things - She was not aware VIBGYOR is used to name the colours of a rainbow; doesn’t know about supply and demand, EVs, never heard of Tesla or the fact that cars require semi-conductor chips; UFOs and even when I told UFO means Unidentified flying object, she appeared blank. She also had no idea what monogamous, polyamorous, transexual mean.

What surprised me the most was when we went to the zoo. We saw some great apes and I told her how much we are related to them, and she outright rejected it. She also doesn’t believe the fact that monkeys and humans came from the same ancestor hundreds of thousands of years ago. She does not believe humans belong to the animal kingdom because it doesn’t make sense to her. She was not even sure about the meaning of animal kingdom or mammals to begin with. When I showed her photos of how early humans looked like, she goes “it’s just a theory” and doesn’t believe in fossil records and skeletons found. Even some of the basic concepts in biology doesn’t make sense to her. When I tried to explain to her, she got angry saying I’m trying to persuade her. She doesn’t even believe in evolution. When I told her about how humans evolved and migrated from different continents hundreds of thousands of years ago - she completely rejected the idea and told me that’s not true. She thinks Buddhism is the only truth and anything that isn’t in the teachings is false. I showed her all the fossil records, different human ancestors and she think its all just fantasy because that’s not in Buddhism. When I told her that humans existed before Buddha, she got angry. She does not even have a clue about the meaning of animal kingdom or what mammals are.

Modern medicine? She doesn’t appreciate or acknowledge the significance of it and prefers Chinese medicine instead. Sometimes I feel like I’m talking to a 10-year-old because I have to explain everything. All of this makes me doubt her education. I noticed a pattern ever since I met, and this is making me apprehensive about whether I should continue seeing her. She changes her jobs every 2-3 months. She says she likes challenges but is very picky about jobs that require her to step out of her comfort zone. From what I gathered so far; she has changed 5 jobs in just 1 year. She joins a company, tells me how excited she is and how she’s impressing her managers, talks about how hard she’s working, how much better her job is compared to previous one and then quits suddenly because a recruiter called her with a better job offer. Every time she quits, it’s because 1) her managers were rude when she made a minor mistake 2) toxic work culture 3) she can’t see herself grow in the long run 4) She has to do something that she’s not familiar with.

Whenever she joins a new company, she needs to spend a few weekends to learn, get familiar with the training or work hard to impress everyone - sometimes this can go on for months. Because of this, she tells me she can’t meet. We been seeing each other just once a month now. This is getting exhausting for me because she just joined a new company a month ago and is already talking to recruiters for a new job. She also told me her previous employers; managers are frustrated as well because of how many times she needs their help for reference. What shocked me is she has remained as a junior accountant despite being in the industry for more than 7 years. I tried to tell her that this would look extremely bad, but she doesn’t seem to care.

Mind you, she speaks English well and she’s been living here for more than 15 years in a western country whereas I migrated 4 years ago. It’s not that I try to talk about cars, geo-politics, or serious topics but ANY topic I talk about, she’s clueless to the point I have to explain even the basic terms and keywords. She has no general knowledge about anything. So far, I have tried to talk about TV shows, movies, comics, childhood life, future, everyday things but it feels like she’s completely blank. 

 

[Weezy1973]

Does she understand what incompatibility means?

[Alvi]

OK, what is a question here?

If you are not happy with this woman, why do you keep dating her?  It's only been few month and you don't think things are going to work out between the two of you, end it. She is who she is, you are who you are. There is a lit for every pot out there. And she is not your lid. There is probably a guy who is going to love her just the way she is. But you are obviously not him.

There must be something positive that you like about her since you keep seeing her. Is she  really hot and sex is off the charts?  Perhaps that is why  you sticking around with someone with whom you have no respect for? You don't  sound happy and don't have even one good thing to say about her. Do her a big favor by breaking up with her.

Maybe she grew up in a very closed, sheltered environment or a community and has no knowledge outside of what she was taught. So, she doesn't watch TV or doesn't know meaning of some words, etc... She obviously has some education since she is working in an accounting. And gets hired again and again. None of what you are describing makes her a bad person.  Just not the right person for you.

No need to bash her or to call her not very intelligent. She is just different from yourselves, that's all.  Just end the relationship in the most respectful way that you  can.

Edited August 28, 2022 by Alvi

[gvitesse]

4 minutes ago, Alvi said:

OK, what is a question here?

If you are not happy with this woman, why do you keep dating her?  It's only been few month and you don't think things are going to work out between the two of you, end it. She is who she is, you are who you are. There is a lit for every pot out there. And she is not your lid. There is probably a guy who is going to love her just the way she is. But you are obviously not him. I bet she is really hot and sex is off the charts. Otherwise, why are you sticking around with someone with whom you have no respect for? You don't  sound happy and don't have even one positive thing to say about her. Do her a big favor by breaking up with her.

Maybe she grew up in a very closed, sheltered environment or a community and has no knowledge outside of what she was taught. So, she doesn't watch TV or doesn't know meaning of some words, etc... She obviously has some education since she is working in an accounting. And gets hired again and again. None of what you are describing makes her a bad person.  Just not the right person for you.

No need to bash her or to call her not very intelligent, just end the relationship in the most respectful way that you  can.

I'm seeing her today to break up with her. I do feel bad about it but It is not fair for either of us. I wrote this post to see if anyone has been in a similar situation before.

And no, we haven't even had sex yet as she is very very conservative. 

Edited August 28, 2022 by gvitesse

[NuevoYorko]

I don't even understand your question, if you have any.  You acknowledge that she is kind, humble, down to earth, but after that brief list of positives, you really went to town cataloging the breadth of her lack of knowledge and experience.  Why?   Why not just say to yourself, "we really have nothing in common," and go seek women who share your interests?   

[Alvi]

8 minutes ago, gvitesse said:

I'm seeing her today to break up with her. I do feel bad about it but It is not fair for either of us. I wrote this post to see if anyone has been in a similar situation before.

Good. Just end it. But please, be respectful.

Yeah, I was once in my younger days dating a really good looking guy. Oh, you should've seen the muscles on him, lol. But he wasn't smart at all, he was probably the definition of a dumb jock. It only lasted a month before I broke up with him. No matter how hot he was, he wasn't doing anything to me intellectually. But hey, many years later, I found out that he got married and has two kids with his wife. Obviously, his lack of intelligence was a problem for me but not much for another woman.

Edited August 28, 2022 by Alvi

[Lisa]

@JohnGooberand @gvitesse are the same member

[ExpatInItaly]

Yes, OP, please end it. 

It is clear that you two are not at all compatible and you barely even see each other anymore. Just get it over with, so you can work on finding someone who's a better match. And don't ignore immediate red flags like this in the future:

On 8/11/2022 at 11:48 AM, gvitesse said:

After the first date, she started talking about buying a house together because she feels her time is running out

Just end it right then and there if you encounter this with anyone else. 

[Eternal Sunshine]

I don't get what you talked about for a year? Like others said, sounds like she is really hot.

 

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, gvitesse said:

I'm seeing her today to break up with her., we haven't even had sex yet as she is very very conservative. 

Could it be a case of sour grapes? 

[Els]

I'm not really sure who the "clueless" person is, considering that after a first date that "freaked you out" and the complete lack of compatibility, you still continued to date her for "several months". You can bash on her all you like, but at the end of the day it was your choice to carry on dating her through all that, when IMO any reasonable person would have bailed on date 1 (or at least date 2, or date 3, or.....). What do you think that says about your decision making skills?

[Gaeta]

I think what you need to hear is You're not a bad person for breaking up with her. Life is very long and miserable when we're not with the right person.  You're doing the right thing.

[Calmandfocused]

Something  popped into my head I thought I’d share. 
 

Does she know that employees only get full maternity rights/ pay once they have served a certain amount of continuous employment time? Might be worth letting her know this if she’s as clueless as you say she is. 
 

But yes, do the right thing and move on. She’s not for you and vice versa 

[stillafool]

On 8/27/2022 at 8:12 PM, gvitesse said:

I'm seeing her today to break up with her. I do feel bad about it but It is not fair for either of us. I wrote this post to see if anyone has been in a similar situation before.

And no, we haven't even had sex yet as she is very very conservative. 

You don't need to see her to break it off.  You can call her or send a text.  I'd hate for someone to waste my time if they are going to break up with me, just do it.