Second date?

[kleaners]

Last week I received some good advice about meeting someone online but not being able to go out on a first date because I was on vacation. 

The first lunch date went well. At the end I asked if she'd like to go out again and she said yes, but didn't know when because she had a busy week ahead starting a new job and whatever else she has going on.

Completely understanding of all that, but my problem is she never initiates any conversation. Doesn't start the day off with a good morning or to check in throughout the day. She'll reply if I send a message and a short conversation may follow. I'm having a tough time gaging her interest and how to proceed.do I take a step back and let her come to me, or do I keep initiating conversation? In the past I would just fade into the sunset if I wasn't getting anything in return and hadn't met the person yet. 

[Wiseman2]

29 minutes ago, kleaners said:

The first lunch date went well. At the end I asked if she'd like to go out again and she said yes,. Doesn't start the day off with a good morning or to check in throughout the day. I'm having a tough time gaging her interest 

That's great, just set up the next date when she can make it. Texting is not dating so don't get stuck in boring 'good morning' type nonsense texts. There's no need to gauge interest. She said yes to a second date so that's great.  Do not text-tether or suffocate.

[poppyfields]

49 minutes ago, kleaners said:

The first lunch date went well. At the end I asked if she'd like to go out again and she said yes, but didn't know when because she had a busy week ahead starting a new job and whatever else she has going on.

In the past I would just fade into the sunset if I wasn't getting anything in return and hadn't met the person yet. 

Stick with what you've been doing.

When a woman is interested she will make it easy for you, trust me on that. .

NOT say yes to an invite, but then tell you she's "busy" has tons of stuff going on and leave you hanging and having to guess her interest or availability.  Ugh.

Fading into the sunset is the correct thing to do when you are not getting anything back but mixed messages or wishy washy behavior.

It will save you a lot of confusion and frustration in the long run if you can do this.

There are plenty of women who are unable to say "no" so they say yes but then proceed to give mixed messages like say yes but they're "too busy" or whatever.  In my younger days, I've done it myself, not proud to admit. 

Best to avoid those women no matter how hot she is, they're low interest if any at all.

Best to focus on women who indicate clear high interest and if busy offer another time, at the very least! 

 

 

 

Edited August 29, 2022 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, kleaners said:

The first lunch date went well.

Describe "went well."

Keep in mind that two people can be on the same date but be having two entirely different experiences even when they appear to be having a good time.

Meaning you thought it went well, but she may have thought it was meh, no spark or just that somethin somethin many women look for during first meets or dates.

Some women may give it another go or some just keep you on the backburner and some just ghost or next.

Learn to read between the lines and follow your gut.  Best advice there is, follow your own intuition and instincts.

When you're left guessing and something feels off, there usually is. 

Edited August 29, 2022 by poppyfields

[kleaners]

7 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Describe "went well."

Keep in mind that two people can be on the same date but be having two entirely different experiences even when they appear to be having a good time.

Meaning you thought it went well, but she may have thought it was meh, no spark or just that somethin somethin many women look for during first meets or dates.

Some women may give it another go or some just keep you on the backburner and some just ghost or next.

Learn to read between the lines and follow your gut.  Best advice there is, follow your own intuition and instincts.

When you're left guessing and something feels off, there usually is. 

Conversation flowed back and forth. She agreed to do it again. In my book those are signs of a good first date. But her lack of initiating any conversation does concern me.

[Ami1uwant]

2 hours ago, kleaners said:

Last week I received some good advice about meeting someone online but not being able to go out on a first date because I was on vacation. 

The first lunch date went well. At the end I asked if she'd like to go out again and she said yes, but didn't know when because she had a busy week ahead starting a new job and whatever else she has going on.

Completely understanding of all that, but my problem is she never initiates any conversation. Doesn't start the day off with a good morning or to check in throughout the day. She'll reply if I send a message and a short conversation may follow. I'm having a tough time gaging her interest and how to proceed.do I take a step back and let her come to me, or do I keep initiating conversation? In the past I would just fade into the sunset if I wasn't getting anything in return and hadn't met the person yet. 

Just one date is not enough toget good morning texts.

 

this us a Grey area of what she thinks of you as in dating you again vs just blowing you off and making excuses.

 

just text her later this week about getting together.

[kleaners]

4 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

Just one date is not enough toget good morning texts.

 

this us a Grey area of what she thinks of you as in dating you again vs just blowing you off and making excuses.

 

just text her later this week about getting together.

So basically I'm trying too hard and should just take a step back?

[Ami1uwant]

5 minutes ago, kleaners said:

So basically I'm trying too hard and should just take a step back?

This isn’t black and white.

 

she might have truly had a great date and does want to see you again but you said she was busy/ traveling so she doesn’t know yet when ….which could be legit or her being nice and you don’t hear her again.

 

you send her a text about ehrn she wants to get together again and see if she responds.  Don’t want fir her to respond. Continue to date others.

[kleaners]

1 minute ago, Ami1uwant said:

This isn’t black and white.

 

she might have truly had a great date and does want to see you again but you said she was busy/ traveling so she doesn’t know yet when ….which could be legit or her being nice and you don’t hear her again.

 

you send her a text about ehrn she wants to get together again and see if she responds.  Don’t want fir her to respond. Continue to date others.

When I called her yesterday to see if she wanted to do something tonight she said "This week is going to be a little crazy, but I'll let you know." I'm definitely not waiting by the phone, but don't have much brewing in the dating pool at the moment.

[kleaners]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

Was there any type of physical affection, her moving or sitting closer, any show of romantic interest?  

Easy flow off conversation doesn't mean much, the same can happen between two friends.  

In fact, for me when there's been strong attraction, it's been the opposite, I'm nervous, there's a certain tension. 

Anyway, I'm gonna stop being so negative.  Yeah step back and try one more time closer to the weekend. 

If she still makes excuses, next.  

Good luck..

 

 

No physical affection other than a hug when we met and departed.

[Wiseman2]

11 minutes ago, kleaners said:

When I called her yesterday to see if she wanted to do something tonight she said "This week is going to be a little crazy, but I'll let you know." 

Why smother her and ask last minute? Relax and allow this to evolve without all the anxiety about text-tethering and last minute dates when she already told you she's busy this week? You seem to want to push her away with all this. Why is that?

[ccas93]

I just move on when I have first dates and communication between dates like this. women who are genuinely interested don't do this.

[kleaners]

20 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why smother her and ask last minute? Relax and allow this to evolve without all the anxiety about text-tethering and last minute dates when she already told you she's busy this week? You seem to want to push her away with all this. Why is that?

I'm not trying to push her away.

[introverted1]

3 hours ago, kleaners said:

my problem is she never initiates any conversation.

You've had one date. Texting isn't dating. 

Pick a day and time for your next date, confirm a day or two before, and go on your date.  If she turns you down and doesn't suggest an alternative, move on to the next.

[kleaners]

3 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

You've had one date. Texting isn't dating. 

Pick a day and time for your next date, confirm a day or two before, and go on your date.  If she turns you down and doesn't suggest an alternative, move on to the next.

I'm not saying texting is dating, but there shouldn't be conversation in between going out in person? I guess I'm a little confused by this. At this point I feel like if she's already told me she'd let me know, offering another day will just be too pushy.

[poppyfields]

35 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Relax and allow this to evolve without all the anxiety about text-tethering and last minute dates when she already told you she's busy this week?

I agree with this. 

You've asked her out again twice now, both times she blew you off with she's "busy," no alternative and said she would let you know when she's free. 

Time to step back and wait for her to do just that. 

You've done enough.

 

[introverted1]

1 minute ago, kleaners said:

I'm not saying texting is dating, but there shouldn't be conversation in between going out in person? I guess I'm a little confused by this. At this point I feel like if she's already told me she'd let me know, offering another day will just be too pushy.

I agree - ball is in her court.

I will say that, for many people, an invite on the day of is too casual for a second date  This is fine once you are slightly more established, but I think some people will think this means you are not interested enough to plan a date.

3 hours ago, kleaners said:

Doesn't start the day off with a good morning or to check in throughout the day. She'll reply if I send a message and a short conversation may follow

This is what I was saying "texting is not dating" in response to.  After one date, I would not be sending good morning texts (I hate these regardless) nor checking in. 

[kleaners]

Appreciate all the input. I'll stop with the text messages and wait to see if she reaches out to schedule another date when she's free. If not, I'll just take it as she's not really interested.

[Lotsgoingon]

She actually told you no, that she didn't want to see you again. 

Let me translate: 

At the end I asked if she'd like to go out again and she said yes, but didn't know when because she had a busy week ahead starting a new job and whatever else she has going on.

That was a polite no. If she were more direct, she would have said, "I enjoyed meeting with you. But no, I don't think there's any future here."

"Busy" is a "no" word. There is no such thing as "busy" or too busy to make yourself available if you want to really hang with someone. People make time  when they want to see someone again.

If someone were genuinely too busy--and they wanted to see you again--they'd get extremely specific about the busy-ness. I'm going out of town on a business trip starting Thursday and won't be back until the following Saturday. And then they'd add.  But you can call me when I'm out of town. And then they'd get specific about that. I'll be on central time, so the best times to reach me are between X and Y your time. 

A tip: you actually don't have to ask someone if they want to see you again. If the date is good, they will tell you that they had a fantastic time (not just that it was "nice" to meet you). And they'd flash a powerful smile (and probably move pretty close to you) when they said this, and you'd know by the buzzing and electricity all throughout your body that they wanted to see you again.

And really (to go back an even further step), you should know half-way or three-fourths through the date  that this person definitely wants to see you again. They should be excited, the conversation between you guys charged. Time should disappear, and you should be having the time of your life--loving every minute of it. You should be able to see and feel, that she thinks you are special and that she is interested in learning more about you. If you don't have that, YOU don't want to ask her out again, because there is nothing there for you, let alone for her. 

 

Edited August 29, 2022 by Lotsgoingon

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, kleaners said:

I'm not saying texting is dating, but there shouldn't be conversation in between going out in person? I guess I'm a little confused by this. At this point I feel like if she's already told me she'd let me know, offering another day will just be too pushy.

Proper scenario…

 

date 1… if it goes well you ask her out on a second date at the end of date 1

between dates.  Ifyou didn’t ask at the end of date 1 you ask by text or call

the only communication shoukd be dating logistics on meeting where and when

 

then have date 2

[BaileyB]

5 hours ago, kleaners said:

Doesn't start the day off with a good morning or to check in throughout the day.

You have only met the woman once. Do you really need to be wishing each other good morning and checking in throughout the day? In the early stages of my most recent relationship, we did not do that after the first meet. 

5 hours ago, kleaners said:

do I take a step back and let her come to me, or do I keep initiating conversation?

I would give her some space and text at the end of the week to see if she wants to meet on the weekend. Keep your texting short and sweet - only to set up a second date at this point. 

Edited August 29, 2022 by BaileyB

[ShyViolet]

You've gone on ONE date with this woman.  Now you're expecting "good morning" and "checking in" texts.  Your expectations are not appropriate to the situation.  This type of texting doesn't necessarily happen when you've gone on one date with a person.  You don't know this person and you are not in a relationship with them.

It sounds like you've asked her out twice now and both times she said she is "busy" and would not commit to a date.  If you want, you can try one more time.  But if she again gives you some vague answer about being "busy", then forget her completely.