Gloriousdays Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 so my head is all over the place as today I received an email asking me if knew that my boyfriend had a wife … this has never crossed my mind as I spend a lot of time with my boyfriend as we travel a lot together to other different countries and he is always at my place … the only thing that I’m suspicious with though is the fact that he hasn’t taken me to his house yet (according to him he lives with his mum ) He said he wants to introduce me to her over a meal before I start going to the house ….. i want advice on how to handle this situation as I’m having all sorts of thoughts in my head … I already sent him a screenshot of the email to him and he said that It was his ex girlfriend doing that …. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 (edited) So many questions..... How did the alleged ex-gf get your email address? What evidence did the author give to support their claim? How long have you been together? If you've been together for ages, why have you been OK with not seeing where he lives? Were you aware of issues with this alleged ex? Edited August 30, 2022 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloriousdays Posted August 30, 2022 Author Share Posted August 30, 2022 (edited) 18 minutes ago, basil67 said: So many questions..... How did the alleged ex-gf get your email address? What evidence did the author give to support their claim? How long have you been together? If you've been together for ages, why have you been OK with not seeing where he lives? Were you aware of issues with this alleged ex? I don’t know how she got my email address…. My boyfriend believes that she hacked his email .. they didn’t give me any evidence or proof whatsoever… the email simply asked me if I knew that My boyfriend had a wife … we have been together for a year and half …he told me that he lives with his mum so I never bothered to go to his house ( huge mistake On my part) he told me about this particular ex but he never mentioned that their break up was messy until when I told him about the email … just to add I responded to the email and they never responded which i think is very strange Edited August 30, 2022 by Gloriousdays Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 13 minutes ago, Gloriousdays said: … we have been together for a year and half …he told me that he lives with his mum so I never bothered to go to his house. Sorry this happened. How did you reply to the email? Yes. That's a huge red flag. If he doesn't invite you over in the next week, end it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloriousdays Posted August 30, 2022 Author Share Posted August 30, 2022 1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry this happened. How did you reply to the email? Yes. That's a huge red flag. If he doesn't invite you over in the next week, end it. Thank you. I said that I wasn’t aware that he was married and I asked them who they were but they never responded to me… Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 5 minutes ago, Gloriousdays said: . I said that I wasn’t aware that he was married and I asked them who they were but they never responded to me… It's high time you went to the BF's house. If he stalls you'll have your answer that he's in another relationship. He's hiding something. You need to find out what. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloriousdays Posted August 30, 2022 Author Share Posted August 30, 2022 31 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: It's high time you went to the BF's house. If he stalls you'll have your answer that he's in another relationship. He's hiding something. You need to find out what. Thank you … he is out of the country at the moment so he said when he is back he is going to take me to his house. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 6 minutes ago, Gloriousdays said: Thank you … he is out of the country at the moment so he said when he is back he is going to take me to his house. Who is he on vacation with? The mother? In the meantime, do some homework. Research his address and who lives there. Google the emailers name and get some background info on this BF. Google the mothers name and so on. That you got this email and that in 1.5 years you've never seen how lives is no coincidence. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 Spend $50 and do an in depth back round report. You need to know if he’s married, where he lives and who lives there. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloriousdays Posted August 30, 2022 Author Share Posted August 30, 2022 43 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Who is he on vacation with? The mother? In the meantime, do some homework. Research his address and who lives there. Google the emailers name and get some background info on this BF. Google the mothers name and so on. That you got this email and that in 1.5 years you've never seen how lives is no coincidence. Yeah I know where he lives I have never been there …. Because he uses my eBay account so I have the address where all his stuff gets delivered to …. Do you think I should go to that address and see who lives there ? Or do you think that’s stalkerish ?? He is on his own because he video calls me all the time … I chat with him all the time whilst he is away …. But I can’t help but wonder where is the wife when I’m travelling with him and when he stays over at my place .. I’m just confused… I also wonder why they never responded to my email … I find it all a bit strange … Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloriousdays Posted August 30, 2022 Author Share Posted August 30, 2022 32 minutes ago, S2B said: Spend $50 and do an in depth back round report. You need to know if he’s married, where he lives and who lives there. I know where he lives but I have never been there …. I think it’s high time I pay a visit …. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 2 hours ago, Gloriousdays said: My boyfriend believes that she hacked his email Or he simply forgot to change the password. Him going into the victim role triggers another red flag. So what's the story? Is the lady in question claiming to be his wife? I would take the e-mail very seriously. An ex GF should not have any personal interest in sending you this e-mail so I would assume that it's legit. My strategy for communication would be: 1. to the sender of the e-mail: express that you are obviously shocked but also grateful that she was considerate enough to inform you. See if she will give more information. 2. to your BF: make it clear that the relationship if over if he's married. Demand to go to his place immediately. Either his rejection or the visit will tell you everything you need to know. You should be prepared that this will most probably be a break-up. I don't buy the "psycho ex GF wants to hurt me" that your BF might want to play. Wishing you strength. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 1 hour ago, Gloriousdays said: I can’t help but wonder where is the wife when I’m travelling with him and when he stays over at my place .. Same place you are...at home believing he's away on business or whatever. He is living a double life of some sort. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloriousdays Posted August 30, 2022 Author Share Posted August 30, 2022 1 hour ago, Will am I said: Or he simply forgot to change the password. Him going into the victim role triggers another red flag. So what's the story? Is the lady in question claiming to be his wife? I would take the e-mail very seriously. An ex GF should not have any personal interest in sending you this e-mail so I would assume that it's legit. My strategy for communication would be: 1. to the sender of the e-mail: express that you are obviously shocked but also grateful that she was considerate enough to inform you. See if she will give more information. 2. to your BF: make it clear that the relationship if over if he's married. Demand to go to his place immediately. Either his rejection or the visit will tell you everything you need to know. You should be prepared that this will most probably be a break-up. I don't buy the "psycho ex GF wants to hurt me" that your BF might want to play. Wishing you strength. Thank you for your response, she didn’t say that she was his wife she just asked me if I knew that my bf had a wife … now I have send another email asking for proof and evidence and I hope they do get back to me but I don’t think they will since they didn’t get back to me the first time I responded to their email … yeah he told me once he is back he is going to take me to his house because he is on vacation at the moment Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloriousdays Posted August 30, 2022 Author Share Posted August 30, 2022 45 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Same place you are...at home believing he's away on business or whatever. He is living a double life of some sort. I hope it’s not true …. I love this man so so much … Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 I can't believe you've been going with this man 1-1/2 years and have never been to his home. Don't wait for that person to show you proof, like S2B said spend $50 and do a search of his records to find out and drive to his house and knock on the door. Whatever proof you asked the person who emailed you to send you, your bf will just use an excuse to deny it. Find out for yourself before he gets back. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 49 minutes ago, Gloriousdays said: I hope it’s not true …. I love this man so so much … It's sad but try not to allow that to cloud your judgement with regard to his secretiveness and keeping you at arms length from his real life. Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 20 minutes ago, Gloriousdays said: Thank you for your response, she didn’t say that she was his wife she just asked me if I knew that my bf had a wife … now I have send another email asking for proof and evidence and I hope they do get back to me but I don’t think they will since they didn’t get back to me the first time I responded to their email … yeah he told me once he is back he is going to take me to his house because he is on vacation at the moment I understand if uour primary response would be shock and maybe anger. I would work from the assumption that this woman is trying to do you a favor. Be kind. And be prepared. If your Bf’s explanations aren’t making sense, chances are the allegations are real and you need to kick him out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 l'd be doing a few drive by while waiting for him that's for sure. She could be just a bitter ex, plenty of them around , but at the same time of course it might be more. Drive by different times , whoever lives there won't know you or your car. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 I would have someone else do that, either a hired investigator or a friend. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 I’m leaning more towards the fact that you know enough. Trust your instincts on this and let go if he’s shady or avoids having you over. It would be highly suspicious why an ex would take the trouble to contact you (or anyone for that matter). It suggests he’s seriously burnt some bridges and there are individuals with a grudge. It’s not his ex that would bother me but him angering or frustrating others to that extent that would be a huge red flag. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 My idea too. I think the ex sending this marriage rumor out when it’s not true… I guess it would be possible but it doesn’t seem likely at all. Much more plausible is the idea that she’s being truthful. Hence my advice to supress anger and deal with her in kindness. I would not trust the boyfriend until he opens up and shows a home that is his and has no traces of a wife. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 I would absolutely start with the presumption that this report is true. Go online. There are lots of internet sites (legit) that can call up records like this I've ordered death certificates, for example, from some of these sites to document the deaths of family members. Go online now. And keep searching. Unfortunately reports like this tend to be true--like 99 percent of the time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 Are you long distance? You didn't find it to be weird that in 1.5 years he hasn't bothered to introduce you to any family?? That's a huge red flag in and of itself! Run a background check on him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted August 30, 2022 Share Posted August 30, 2022 Now you do have to be ready for an answer here. Now this is true, you do know he's going to minimize and lie to you. Be ready. Oh, we're not really married. We're like roommates. Oh, we live together to save money. I just haven't had time to search for an apartment. Oh I didn't tell you because it's not an issue. She and I aren't together anymore. And if any of that were true, he would have told you in the first place that he was living with his wife. BTW: people make calls like this because they realize that someone (you in this case) is being exploited by a lie. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
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