Despin Posted September 9, 2022 Share Posted September 9, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, Gloriousdays said: So basically I’m going to meet his mum for a meal on Sunday and then go to his house … I’m not going to move in with him until I have gone to his house …. They way you are handling this situation- or NOT handling it- is almost more troubling than whatever is really going on with him. You're going to run into a lot of adversity in life, a lot of deception and manipulation. Some of these people you will have the misfortune to be in relationships with. You need to be a heck of a lot less passive and as the expression goes "make your own luck". This matter should have been resolved a long time ago, by you being proactive and not letting him to continue calling all the shots. Don't be surprised when mom is suddenly "sick" on the day of the intended meeting. He'll stretch this out as long as possible and it appears he's got plenty of leeway. Edited September 9, 2022 by Despin 5 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 9, 2022 Share Posted September 9, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, Gloriousdays said: I’m not going to move in with him until I have gone to his house …. Sure, because that is the only concern here… I wouldn’t move in with a man who refused to talk to me and couldn’t give me a straight answer about whether he is in fact married, or not. Edited September 9, 2022 by BaileyB 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 9, 2022 Share Posted September 9, 2022 3 hours ago, Gloriousdays said: Yeah I’m still meeting his mum on Sunday … well I hope so …. So I will definitely be updating on Sunday to let you know how it goes … we are also planning on moving in together once I have met his mum …. It doesn't sound like you're even sure you're going to meet his mom on Sunday; yet you're planning on moving in together once you do. Is he asking you to move in with him and his mom, or where? How did that conversation come about in the midst of all of this? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 9, 2022 Share Posted September 9, 2022 3 hours ago, Gloriousdays said: So basically I’m going to meet his mum for a meal on Sunday and then go to his house … I’m not going to move in with him until I have gone to his house …. If he lives with his mother, why do you have to meet them separately "and then" go to his house? I'm sorry, this is not good news whether he lives in his car, with another woman, whatever. He is still sticking to the nonsensical "you have to meet my mother first" rule. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
SingFish Posted September 9, 2022 Share Posted September 9, 2022 3 hours ago, Gloriousdays said: So basically I’m going to meet his mum for a meal on Sunday and then go to his house … I’m not going to move in with him until I have gone to his house …. I hope you have a nice time. If you're unsure though don't move in, I don't think I could live with someone's mother. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted September 9, 2022 Share Posted September 9, 2022 What is the source of his "wealth"? Idk, there are so many things that don't add up here AT ALL. You are putting your head in the sand. Frankly (sorry), it would be easy to manipulate you and lie to you due to how you manage things. Also no one goes to Vegas for 3 weeks, lol. Lol, I'm speaking in absolutes so of course that means I'm half-exaggerating but yeah no one goes to Vegas for 3 weeks...You should ask to see emails or tickets that prove the trip (airline flights, hotel receipts). He could say he lives with his mom but actually live in your town with the wife, gf, whomever somewhere other than his mom's and pop in and out of her place. You definitely are not getting the whole story at all. If he's back and not actively addressing this and you are not actively dealing with it, that's a problem. Meeting his mom on Sunday is not really going to change much. Um and I can't even believe moving in with him is on the agenda. There is way too much wrong here. I'm pretty certain you are going to seriously get hurt (emotionally) and be duped. I think you are wasting your time with him. Agree way too passive about everything. I'm sorry but you need to face it head on. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 9, 2022 Share Posted September 9, 2022 9 hours ago, Gloriousdays said: we are also planning on moving in together once I have met his mum …. Well that's a strange turn of events. Despite my reluctance to do so, I'm going to say it. Did you send the mysterious email to move things along in the relationship or to discover whether he is truly married? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted September 9, 2022 Share Posted September 9, 2022 (edited) OP, not to discount what others have suggested and advised as far as questioning him, demanding receipts, airline tickets etc, but my advice is if you are so distrustful of him to do all that, just end it. Honestly, I see nothing to be gained from all the questioning, demanding receipts and making him prove he’s not married, etc other than adding more toxicity to an already toxic situation. Trust is the cornerstone of all relationships, healthy ones anyway. The way I see this, you have two choices. 1. Either believe when he tells you he’s not married, meet his mom, see where and how he lives, pay close attention to his actions (and words), make sure they match and make your determination re his marital status based on that, OR 2. Break up with him. Interrogating him, demanding evidence, making him prove himself serve no good purpose imo. Relationships are not prisons, you are not his warden (or worse his mother) you are a girlfriend. As a girlfriend, you trust him. IF you don’t (and frankly there’s plenty of evidence here leaning towards NOT trusting him), then you break up with him. I know I am in the minority on this, but I do NOT believe in snooping, spying, checking phone, questioning, demanding evidence/proof he was where he said he was or anything else. Doing so would be a huge turn off to ME (and to him as well no doubt), I would feel like his mother or interrogator, and that is NOT how I want to feel when in a relationship with my boyfriend, or now marriage with my husband. I either trust him or I’m OUT. Edited September 9, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator argumentative Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted September 9, 2022 Share Posted September 9, 2022 OP, why do you want to move in with this guy? You don't know anything about him at all. You are not even sure if he is single, lol. At least have a good exit plan beforehand, in case things don't work out. 27 minutes ago, poppyfields said: I either trust him or I’m OUT. Yes, life of snooping and confronting him is not going to be much fun. I actually agree with this statement. Either you can trust him or you should leave in case that you can't. You have plenty of things to distrust him. But what reasons do you have to trust him so far? Did he give you any? Going to have a dinner with his mother is not going to magically make all your doubts go away. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SingFish Posted September 10, 2022 Share Posted September 10, 2022 I thought I already responded, maybe I missed hitting post! but I just wish to say @Gloriousdays that your boyfriend has shown he is extremely attached to his mother, which is probably something to accept for a marriage-type relationship. In many cultures it is a given, but not so much in the US, it may be something he is embarrassed about even. See how you feel when you've met her and seen them together. You are very determined for this relationship to work, so it probably will, be sure you know what you are committing to though. A life-long battle between mother and wife for a son's affection is not uncommon but it's not for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 10, 2022 Share Posted September 10, 2022 (edited) 22 hours ago, Gloriousdays said: I’m not going to move in with him until I have gone to his house. That's good. However you also need to stop being a free BnB for him. It's understandable with the time you've invested and the nonrefundable money you spent on an upcoming trip together, that you would like all your doubts to go away. Yes that email was unsettling but it also helped you see how bizarre it is to know nothing about someone you're seeing for over a year. There's no good that can come from "blind trust". There's so many real red flags here, even without this email happening, there are reasons to see what you're actually getting into here. For example, cutting your losses sooner rather than later with someone who seems not to be forthcoming about anything. Talk about ring sizes and moving in together means nothing. What does mean something is his evasiveness in general. This isn't about the validity or virtues of googling or not googling. It's about the simple obvious red flags of never seeing his place, meeting any of his people or knowing anything about him. Edited September 10, 2022 by Wiseman2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 10, 2022 Share Posted September 10, 2022 OK so this all started with an email...If I was a wife busting my husband, I wouldn't send a stupid email to the OW, I would seek her out and tell her myself in person. Ex GF? I can see it, because she can easily figure out her ex's passwords and get into his email. Just go to his house and check it out...it could be nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted September 10, 2022 Share Posted September 10, 2022 I understand how people would reach out when their conscience is stirring. And I togally get how they’d send one e-mail and not engage in personal comtact with other partners of their (ex) partner. I do think it’s an action that crosses over boundaries. If your partner is unfaithful, your problem is with him and not with any or the women that he’s unfaithful with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 11, 2022 Share Posted September 11, 2022 11 hours ago, Will am I said: I understand how people would reach out when their conscience is stirring. And I togally get how they’d send one e-mail and not engage in personal comtact with other partners of their (ex) partner. Yes, I agree. Especially if it's not an ex-partner but someone who is still close to him, like a friend or family member who knows what's up and doesn't support it. An old friend of mine was alerted to her boyfriend's double-life when a random friend of his (whom she didn't know) dropped her an email. He never wanted my friend to reveal who the source of this email was since he was still friends with the boyfriend, but he didn't feel right sitting by when he knew the boyfriend had another partner the entire time (and discovered my friend existed, which he hadn't known until shortly before he contacted her) Anyway, OP, I think this is not a "nothing-to-see-here" issue just stirred up by an ex. There are too many other red flags about this man for there not to be more to it. I hope you will have more information soon. Link to post Share on other sites
giotto Posted September 11, 2022 Share Posted September 11, 2022 I think we all know very soon what's going on... well, we hope... 🙂 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 11, 2022 Share Posted September 11, 2022 4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Anyway, OP, I think this is not a "nothing-to-see-here" issue just stirred up by an ex. There are too many other red flags about this man for there not to be more to it. I hope you will have more information soon. Agree. Such a thing has never occurred to me (sending an email just to stir up trouble). Given everything else you've written, Gloriousdays, it's understandable that you fear your boyfriend may be up to something. No one really knows whether he is being unfaithful, if he's innocent, or if he's associated with unsavory people. Link to post Share on other sites
Despin Posted September 11, 2022 Share Posted September 11, 2022 The most likely scenario in my opinion is that he'll just keep stalling. The planned meetup and house tour scheduled for today will never happen because "something" will come up, most likely mom isn't feeling well or some other convenient excuse. From what I read earlier this meetup was supposed to happen a week or so ago when he returned from his trip and it never did. This will be an ongoing cycle, until he figures he's played it out as far as it's going to get, at which point he will break up with her saying he cannot be with someone who doesn't trust him and questions him all the time. She'll never get any answers because she isn't the type to go looking for them, if anything she'll post here to the extent of "He broke up with me because I asked too many questions what can I do to get him back". 4 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted September 11, 2022 Share Posted September 11, 2022 @Gloriousdays I hope you will update us with the outcome, either way. I truly do hope it works out the way you want, but if not, LS can be a great support. I think it's safe to say we've all become quite invested in your story at least on some level, so good luck today and keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted September 11, 2022 Share Posted September 11, 2022 Well... OP lives in UK where it is currently Sunday @ 7:40 pm so hopefully it won't be long before she updates with whether or not this meal with mum ever happened? @Gloriousdays? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Stret Posted September 11, 2022 Share Posted September 11, 2022 On 9/2/2022 at 12:50 PM, Gloriousdays said: yeah maybe I should do that instead of ringing the bell …. Where do you think the wife is when I have spent Christmas and New Years with him though? She might have thought he was on a work trip? Who knows what's happening there, but one thing is clear - there is some secret he's hiding. There is no reason not to tell you his mum's last name. There is no reason not to want to introduce you to her or take you to his place. And there is no reason why now he needs time to set everything up so that when you arrive things look as portrayed by him. He can easily take his "mum" somewhere for a SPA weekend, clean up the house and take you there. Go and knock on the door before he takes you there... if he gets mad because of that under the circumstances then screw him. He doesn't seem mature enough, otherwise, what mature guy travels for three weeks alone to Las Vegas? It is boring as hell after only a week there. But, free sex is everywhere, high class prostitutes are everywhere too. Maybe he has a wife there somewhere - the email came from the US most likely and the name is likely American. Maybe not. I dated a guy that turned out to be married - I figured out after 3 months because someone told me that he had kids. He spent nights at my place, was coming over for Christmas, etc. Enabled by the nature of his job. You wouldn't believe the lengths that people are willing to go through to maintain two different relationships. I wish you all the best and remember that it is better to break up than live with someone who is hiding something. It will just eat you on the inside and ruin your health. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted September 11, 2022 Share Posted September 11, 2022 I often times wonder what happens to these women posters who are teetering on the ledge of being taken for a ride, only to never be heard from again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloriousdays Posted September 13, 2022 Author Share Posted September 13, 2022 Hi all I’m so sorry for not getting back here sooner with the update … so I didn’t meet the mum … he said to me that because of what his ex did ( contacting me and his workplace) his mum is now against him dating women of my race ( we were in a an interracial relationship) so he said to me that his mum told him not to go anywhere near a woman of my race …..but he still wanted to move in with me in but I told him no … so I ended the relationship as I believe he wasn’t being honest with me and he was just lying to me … I’m devastated to say the least but it’s for the best in the long run …. Thank you all for your wonderful advice and support that you gave me during this extremely difficult time ….. 6 2 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Despin Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 @Gloriousdays this is the best thing that could have possibly happened to you. One day you'll look back on this and say to yourself "What the heck was I thinking?". They say love is blind. That's sort of what you just went through. Don't beat yourself up for letting him snow you for so long, that's what emotions do to us, they cloud common sense and reason. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 Wowwwwww - I can’t wrap my head around that story and how it’s ending. I’m sorry you wasted that much time on a conman, OP! I admire your calmness. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 (edited) @GloriousdaysSad ending, but probably for the better. I hope the conversation on this forum has helped you to be more prepared for this demasqué and no longer accept his habits of twisting and turning the truth and keeping you on a leash. I find his final story very offensive. Somehow he made this not about you and him, but about his ex GF, his mom and your race? Everyone is to blame but him, that much is clear. And no moral limits either. So wrong on every level. Wishing you strength! Edited September 13, 2022 by Will am I 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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