Getting her back

[Peter733]

i broke up with my girlfriend on saturday. after this shes been sending me messages saying that she loves me and that im the only one for her. and ive been missing her a lot too. she told me she loves me and she misses me. and i feel the same way. she sent me the following message: "i think we should get back together, but right now maybe take time for ourselves and then get back into it. maybe this is what we need. take time to ourselves to unwind and relax so we can have a better relationship."

i made a mistake dumping her but i want her back. to me this sounds like for sure we will be getting back together. was wondering if theres any advice any one has for me ?

[Wiseman2]

12 minutes ago, Peter733 said:

I made a mistake dumping her but i want her back. 

How long have you been dating? What was the breakup about? Has that issue been resolved?

On/off relationships are fraught with unresolved incompatibilities and conflicts combined with  unhealthy attachments and lack of better opportunities.

It seems like she has decided to put you on ice for dumping her and will be exploring other more compatible viable options. She is correct. Someone who dumps you like trash isn't the right person.

Step way back and decide if you just miss sex or why you got rid of her in the first place.

[Peter733]

37 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How long have you been dating? What was the breakup about? Has that issue been resolved?

On/off relationships are fraught with unresolved incompatibilities and conflicts combined with  unhealthy attachments and lack of better opportunities.

It seems like she has decided to put you on ice for dumping her and will be exploring other more compatible viable options. She is correct. Someone who dumps you like trash isn't the right person.

Step way back and decide if you just miss sex or why you got rid of her in the first place.

Weve been dating since last March. The breakup basically was because we both have been working a lot lately and just havent been seeing each other lately. also been very stressed with work.  but after the breakup we both miss each other a lot. she has sent me since saturday everyday that she loves me and misses me.

[ExpatInItaly]

Couples don't solve relationship issues apart. 

If you intend to reconcile, you two need to work together on that. Taking time to yourselves isn't going to fix it. 

[glows]

3 hours ago, Peter733 said:

i broke up with my girlfriend on saturday. after this shes been sending me messages saying that she loves me and that im the only one for her. and ive been missing her a lot too. she told me she loves me and she misses me. and i feel the same way. she sent me the following message: "i think we should get back together, but right now maybe take time for ourselves and then get back into it. maybe this is what we need. take time to ourselves to unwind and relax so we can have a better relationship."

i made a mistake dumping her but i want her back. to me this sounds like for sure we will be getting back together. was wondering if theres any advice any one has for me ?

 

2 hours ago, Peter733 said:

Weve been dating since last March. The breakup basically was because we both have been working a lot lately and just havent been seeing each other lately. also been very stressed with work.  but after the breakup we both miss each other a lot. she has sent me since saturday everyday that she loves me and misses me.

The break up is still fresh and you’re both doing the thing many recently broken up couples do - still keeping in contact and exchanging intimate messages. Give it time for the dust to settle and leave this alone. There’s a reason why it didn’t work. You let her go and she’s doubtful about you. You’re both in shock and adjusting to being single.

Did she not make enough effort to see you or was it you who let the stress get to you? The whole point of breaking up with someone incompatible with your lifestyle, interests, hopes for the future etc is to let go of that person because your future together isn’t working. Don’t hang on because you miss one another. I’m sure this is adding onto the stress you both already feel elsewhere. Let go for good if you don’t see this relationship working long term. 

[BaileyB]

12 hours ago, Peter733 said:

to me this sounds like for sure we will be getting back together.

To me, this sounds like a woman who is not committed to you and possibly interested in exploring other options… In fact, it’s possible that she has another option already lined up, she just wants to keep you around in case it doesn’t work out. 

I second the statement above, no relationship problems have been solved by taking a break from the relationship. A few hours to cool down if you are angry, sure. A night or two to do your own thing - absolutely. But, to take a break from a relationship to “unwind and relax…” No. 

Edited August 30, 2022 by BaileyB

[Logo]

You say that you broke up because you haven't been spending time together, but she wants to get back together AND take some time to be apart? That doesn't make sense to me.

From experience, I have learned that we humans always want to get back together the minute we break up because we think that missing the other person means that it was meant to be, for us to be together. That's not always the case. IF, and I mean, IF you were to be together, then giving yourself some space, of about a month, is probably the right way to go about it, to figure out if this person is your forever after.

Is she in general a bad communicator? Are you being honest with yourself? I still don't understand why you broke up. I ask because she is either suggesting you two get some distance between you to gain perspective, or she's just not that interested anymore. When my ex suggested we take a break, it was around the same time the relationship was on its last legs.

Sometimes, by the way, people will leave things vague to try and let the relationship and feelings fade instead of having that sudden and abrupt finality. You will need for figure out which is which. Sometimes, by the way, attachment, and love is, not enough for relationships. Sometimes you need more, you need mutual respect, and compatibility.

Only you know the details, but think about all the answers to these questions and find out what you really want.

[Lotsgoingon]

The advice is: I'm not convinced you guys should get back together.

So why did you break up? Answer that question. You don't seem like someone who goes into random rages. So there WAS a reason--a super strong one if it led you to initiate a break--that you broke up in the first place. 

So identify that reason. Get clear on it. Then ask yourself what has changed such that the reason you broke up no longer applies.

How old are you guys? You guys sound like you're about 16. Sixteen-year-olds get back together without the slightest insight about how to resolve the problems they had in the first place.