Best friend's serial cheating husband… (Long post)

[Beady20]

Basically my best friend’s husband has recently revealed that he has was cheating on her throughout their entire relationship. Baring in mind they met in the club, on a very drunken night out. They dated for 4 years and she knew he was cheating as she saw messages on his phone, less than a year into their relationship. We as her friends advised her to end it with him as the relationship was still fresh and that is not a good way to start a relationship. This was also her first relationship and first sexual partner. 
 

Fast forward 3 years, she finds out he cheated AGAIN… this time he reveals he never stopped even though he said he would and that he had slept with multiple women over the years. He has convinced her that “all men cheat and it’s something he cannot stop”. So she pretty much has to accept it. 
Following this revelation, they then eloped and went to get married abroad… 

 

About 5 months into the marriage, she finds out he’s still been cheating and this time he has just been sleeping with one woman. He then reveals that he believes men should have multiple wives and that my best friend ( his wife) should accept it. This is the only time he use the “Bible” to justifying his actions. LOL. 
 

On top of that he drops another bomb and said if he could choose another wife he would choose me as me and my best friend are very similar…. When my best friend told me this I felt disgusted but she wasn’t as shocked or upset as I was. I keep telling her it makes me very uncomfortable but she still expects me to be around them and act like everything is normal. I’m trying to distance myself as I don’t want to be an issue in their marriage.
 

May I add that I have a strictly platonic relationship with my best friends husband. There has never been any attraction there whatsoever. I just think the whole situation is a mess but my best friend doesn’t see the severity of it and it worries me. I just hope he doesn’t leave her for the other woman…. 

Edited August 31, 2022 by Beady20
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[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Beady20 said:

 he could choose another wife he would choose me as me.

Are you that close to the husband?  You need to stay away from him. Stay out of it. She knows about his philandering.  All you can do is not be around your friends husband.

[Beady20]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are you that close to the husband?  You need to stay away from him. Stay out of it. She knows about his philandering.  All you can do is not be around your friends husband.

No, I try and keep my distance but sometimes he will phone me out of the blue which I don’t really like. Anytime he does that I always let my friend know as I don’t want to be caught in any of their issues. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Beady20 said:

sometimes he will phone me out of the blue which I don’t really like.

Block him. You shouldn't be chitchatting with your friends' husbands privately anyway.

[Noproblem]

I believe in 2 things. This is what I actually do. 

1. if I have a best friend that destruct herself/himself against all our good advice, she can rot in hell for all I care. She stops being my friend because I can't be with someone who has no common sense. I don't leave a friend right away, it is only after multiple mistakes of harming themselves. Your friend didn't just forgive a cheater once or maybe twice, she accepts this loser and not only that, she wanna expand his empire by involving you all. I bet she is a perfect partner for a sexual predetor or a criminal, she will say always say yes and not having a partner before him is no excuse for her naiviety.  So I urge you to stop being her friend, she stopped being your friend the minute she stayed with that loser.

2. even if you are not like that, and you don't want to leave your best friend, just because now her husband wants you to be his wifey, that's a reason enough to block them both from your life, not social media, everywhere, they will cause you trouble, I gaurantee it!

 

[mark clemson]

Seems like she picked a real winner.  Sad...

[stillafool]

12 hours ago, Beady20 said:

No, I try and keep my distance but sometimes he will phone me out of the blue which I don’t really like. Anytime he does that I always let my friend know as I don’t want to be caught in any of their issues. 

Maybe you need to block him.  What he's doing is disrespectful to your friend and don't let him get away with it.  I guarantee she doesn't like it.  He probably mentioned you as his 2nd wife because he knows you're his wife's good friend and he wants to get rid of you.  He's hoping telling her that will make her stop having you around so he can have her to himself to control her.  I've seen many men play this game with womens friends they want out of her life.

[ShyViolet]

I would be seriously rethinking this entire friendship if I were you.  Why would you want to be friends with a person who is so dysfunctional and has such poor judgment as to stay with a creep like this?  After the first time she found out he was cheating, all the rest is really on her for choosing to stay in this situation.  I'd be really turned off to both of them and all their drama and dysfunction.

[chrysalis3]

Kinda sounds like your friend has some self esteem issues to tolerate re peat cheating. This is most defiantly a dysfunctional relationship between the two of them. Has your friend told you why she continues to put up with this?   

[Beady20]

1 hour ago, chrysalis3 said:

Kinda sounds like your friend has some self esteem issues to tolerate re peat cheating. This is most defiantly a dysfunctional relationship between the two of them. Has your friend told you why she continues to put up with this?   

She says that she’s accepted that all men cheat and that it’s something she can’t change. She said that  even if she gets with another man it will be the same because all men have the ‘innate desire to have multiple partners’.
 

P.s. she didn’t believe this before getting in this relationship and her husband also conveniently believes this as well… 

I just don’t think she understands the severity of the situation. It’s like he’s getting into her mind and manipulating her to believe these new ideals to serve his desires of ultimately having multiple partners. When I try and question her she says that I’ll see when I get into a relationship that’s how men are. I said no way, cheating is not a normal thing for anyone to do. Anyone telling you otherwise is lying to you. If you want to cheat stay single. Simple. 

[chrysalis3]

44 minutes ago, Beady20 said:

P.s. she didn’t believe this before getting in this relationship and her husband also conveniently believes this as well… 

I just don’t think she understands the severity of the situation. It’s like he’s getting into her mind and manipulating her to believe these new ideals to serve his desires of ultimately having multiple partners.

Yeah this kinda of thinking in really twisted. Sounds as if he may be very manipulating. However, If she had a higher sense of self,  she would not be buying into this. Kinda sad really. I will agree if you are going to cheat it's best to stay single. 

[S2B]

My exH wouldn’t stop cheating.

oddly enough he said he likes being married.

some men want to be married but have no idea how to be faithful. 
 

if she knows he cheats - and stays - what’s it to you?

[ShyViolet]

You are way too mixed up in this situation.  It's not your life and not your problem to solve. Detach from this.

[S2B]

It’s her choice to stay. So I’d just stay out of it.

many women stay knowing full well their husband will never be faithful in their vows.

my exH remarried shortly after our D was final - he cheated on her too. She finally divorced him after 15 years. 

Edited September 3, 2022 by S2B

[chrysalis3]

4 hours ago, S2B said:

many women stay knowing full well their husband will never be faithful in their vows.

my exH remarried shortly after our D was final - he cheated on her too. She finally divorced him after 15 years. 

Yes and insecurity ( fear of being alone( can be enough of a glue stick to stay in that situation as well as her pocketbook taking a financial hit. I commend you S2B for respecting yourself enough and having the strength to walk away. What a sign of a strong women. 

[stillafool]

19 hours ago, Beady20 said:

I just don’t think she understands the severity of the situation. I

No she understands she's just willing to put up with it in order to have that man.  I've had friends be the same way about some guy they were stuck on.  Those type of men intentionally get involved with women like them.  It makes no sense to you and me because we aren't that type.

[Alpacalia]

Don't talk to her about it anymore.

Until your friend realizes this isn't right, she will continue down the same path, no matter how painful it is for you.

If you wish to maintain your friendship with your best friend without severing ties, then step back from the relationship.

Unless she's open to your advice, stop giving it to her. While supporting your friends is great, losing your sympathy after a while is understandable if it's a problem they're repeatedly facing.