philthebill Posted August 31, 2022 Share Posted August 31, 2022 my girlfriend ( F34) and I (M37) have been planning to move in with each other ( me moving into her rented house ) But this week we have had quite a significant argument. On 3 different occasions, she has bumped into her male Acquittances, basically met these people once through friends, but then decided that she would like to get to know them more and make more of a effort with them. So she reached out to them, which got me thinking why. So she met a guy on a bus we where at a party with two months ago, and brought him up in conversation one day last week. Never talked about him before and she invited him out for drinks with us to play chess, she also only met this dude once. I kind of hit the roof, and was totally unsure to why she wants to make this guy a friend, she has quite a big friend circle as it is. Anyways we had an argument about it. I would not be meeting up with girls that I have only met once, let a lone know a long time ( thats just me ) I have no issues with her talking to these dudes, my issue is, is why she feels the need to go and meet up with them ( even if I am there) We then met up and talked about it , with her getting quite angry. She pointed out that this is who she is, that she likes to make new friends! but I also pointed out that she is in a relationship and our values here are clashing. She then dropped that she might want to move to france for 6 months sometime, which confused me for she mentioned before that she wants kids, to be married and to get a house, which all cost money and a lot of effort, so not sure how she will move to france. Kind of feels like she is not full in it and is still living in her 20s. I am now unsure of moving in until this is resolved. would love to hear your thoughts Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 31, 2022 Share Posted August 31, 2022 2 hours ago, philthebill said: my girlfriend ( F34) and I (M37) have been planning to move in with each other me moving into her rented house. But this week we have had quite a significant argument. She then dropped that she might want to move to france for 6 months sometime. Don't do it. You'll basically be her tenant. What's the point? Saving money? Do you really want a contentious situation like this where you can't escape and go home? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 1, 2022 Share Posted September 1, 2022 21 hours ago, philthebill said: She then dropped that she might want to move to france for 6 months sometime Has this ever come up before? Because it sounds like she is backing out of the relationship, and making it clear she wants to do her own thing. Including making new guys friends. You two don't seem suited to each other. Your expectations, boundaries and visions for the future are not aligned enough to make this work. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 1, 2022 Share Posted September 1, 2022 (edited) 22 hours ago, philthebill said: my girlfriend ( F34) and I (M37) have been planning to move in with each other ( me moving into her rented house ) But this week we have had quite a significant argument. On 3 different occasions, she has bumped into her male Acquittances, basically met these people once through friends, but then decided that she would like to get to know them more and make more of a effort with them. So she reached out to them, which got me thinking why. So she met a guy on a bus we where at a party with two months ago, and brought him up in conversation one day last week. Never talked about him before and she invited him out for drinks with us to play chess, she also only met this dude once. I kind of hit the roof, and was totally unsure to why she wants to make this guy a friend, she has quite a big friend circle as it is. Anyways we had an argument about it. I would not be meeting up with girls that I have only met once, let a lone know a long time ( thats just me ) I have no issues with her talking to these dudes, my issue is, is why she feels the need to go and meet up with them ( even if I am there) We then met up and talked about it , with her getting quite angry. She pointed out that this is who she is, that she likes to make new friends! but I also pointed out that she is in a relationship and our values here are clashing. She then dropped that she might want to move to france for 6 months sometime, which confused me for she mentioned before that she wants kids, to be married and to get a house, which all cost money and a lot of effort, so not sure how she will move to france. Kind of feels like she is not full in it and is still living in her 20s. I am now unsure of moving in until this is resolved. would love to hear your thoughts I’m sorry. You’re not compatible. You had the courage to say what you needed to say and be frank with her about what bothers you and she disagrees with you. The best thing to do would be to respectfully go your separate ways. Keep in mind that many people are able to verbalize what their dreams are or hopes are but aren’t able to put things into action. She may want the proverbial white picket fence and all the trimmings but it’s either not with you or not at this time or she’s just repeating what she thinks she wants but doesn’t really know. Either way, you’ll feel a lot better not depending on her for a roof over your head and keeping your accommodations/living situation separate. Edited September 1, 2022 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 1, 2022 Share Posted September 1, 2022 This is the beginning of the end. She loves making friends all the time, this is what enriches her life...hence the huge social circle she already has. I doubt she will be the marrying type. She just loves her lifestyle and well...you don't fit in it. She a free bird....let her fly away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author philthebill Posted September 1, 2022 Author Share Posted September 1, 2022 4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Has this ever come up before? Because it sounds like she is backing out of the relationship, and making it clear she wants to do her own thing. Including making new guys friends. You two don't seem suited to each other. Your expectations, boundaries and visions for the future are not aligned enough to make this work. She never mentioned that she wants to make male friends ( guy friends ) and definitely never mentioned about wanting to go somewhere for 6 months. When she first mentioned that she wanted me to move in, I let her know that I dont know if I am ready for that and would have to have a think about it. She did not really take that well and took it as a sign that she was moving the relationship forward and I was stagnating. we are only together 11 months. She is trying to keep connections with so many friends, that its quite overwhelming so not sure how she will maintain new relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 1, 2022 Share Posted September 1, 2022 43 minutes ago, philthebill said: I let her know that I dont know if I am ready for that and would have to have a think about it. She did not really take that well and took it as a sign that she was moving the relationship forward and I was stagnating. we are only together 11 months. Your common sense is operating on all cylinders since moving in would be too much too soon especially into her place. Add to that the discord and disparate values, goals and her flakiness. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted September 5, 2022 Share Posted September 5, 2022 You two sound like you are not on the same page about a lot of things. You should definitely NOT move in together anytime soon. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 5, 2022 Share Posted September 5, 2022 Yup, I would not move in with her now. You’ve got a lot to sort before you consider that decision. Link to post Share on other sites
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