Author Louise1220 Posted October 5, 2022 Author Share Posted October 5, 2022 6 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Exactly. He saw this as TMI and red flags, which it was. Wait until you are not compelled to vent about this situation to anyone who'll listen. Keep in mind dating is to get to know someone, not to get over someone. I respect and value your take. But just to clarify, telling him about MM was not a way for me to get over MM. At least that wasn't my intention. My intention was "hey...this is the story. It's in my past but I'm still figuring my way through it. Take it or leave it." And to clarify even further, I didn't spill all this date 1. It took a few dates before I told him the truth. Each date has gotten deeper and deeper in conversation and it felt safe to be honest. I don't want any potential SO to ever say "why didn't you tell me this sooner? You could have or should have told me" I don't want to waste anyone's time. If this guy hears this and thinks "red flags, I'm out"... then he isn't the one, and isn't it better to know that now rather than later? Please enlighten me if I'm wrong. I like to look up quotes as a way to comfort myself-- in this case, pertaining to honesty. Please let me know if these are an exception to my case.... "Saying too much can complicate things. But in this short life, not saying enough is much worse." "Communicate. Even when it's uncomfortable or uneasy. One of the best ways to heal is simply, get everything out." "Be open and truthful. Try to be the most honest you can be. To yourself, but also to other people. Try to live a life that no matter what question they ask you, you'll always be able to look the other person in the eye." Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 (edited) 6 hours ago, Louise1220 said: . My intention was "hey...this is the story. It's in my past but I'm still figuring my way through it. Take it or leave it." Ok. That's not really worth wasting someone's time for when you would be better off confiding in trusted friends, family and your therapist. Why date with an "I don't care" attitude? Or deliberately go present yourself as damaged goods? Use discretion in who you open up to. Simply take a break from dating until you no longer feel the urge to talk about this ex lover. Edited October 5, 2022 by Wiseman2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 5, 2022 Share Posted October 5, 2022 (edited) Open and truthful is not a bad thing, but not everyone wants or cares to hear your whole life story. You should share this information only at the right time, and with the right person. That’s my humble opinion. We all have things in our lives that we are not proud of and we all have things that we are working through. We all don’t share this information with everyone we meet. There is a reason why you have a counsellor - thats the best place to talk about this stuff. That person serves a different purpose than the man you date. So, while I applaud your willingness to take responsibility and be open and honest with people, there is a time and a place. Sharing too much - you will run the risk that he will either a) decide this is a red flag and walk away or b) people will not want to spend time with you because sharing too much information tends to make some people uncomfortable. Edited October 5, 2022 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Louise1220 Posted October 11, 2022 Author Share Posted October 11, 2022 On 10/5/2022 at 6:30 AM, BaileyB said: Open and truthful is not a bad thing, but not everyone wants or cares to hear your whole life story. You should share this information only at the right time, and with the right person. That’s my humble opinion. We all have things in our lives that we are not proud of and we all have things that we are working through. We all don’t share this information with everyone we meet. There is a reason why you have a counsellor - thats the best place to talk about this stuff. That person serves a different purpose than the man you date. So, while I applaud your willingness to take responsibility and be open and honest with people, there is a time and a place. Sharing too much - you will run the risk that he will either a) decide this is a red flag and walk away or b) people will not want to spend time with you because sharing too much information tends to make some people uncomfortable. I spoke with my counselor about it— I asked him if I made a mistake by telling the guy I’ve been seeing about everything. He said not necessarily, but going forward I do need to set boundaries for myself and not feel bad for keeping certain things to myself. While I don’t regret telling new guy, you and wiseman are right— I do need to use discretion going forward. Thank you all again for your support and honesty! It’s helping me through the storm for sure 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 11, 2022 Share Posted October 11, 2022 19 minutes ago, Louise1220 said: I spoke with my counselor about it— I asked him if I made a mistake by telling the guy I’ve been seeing about everything. He said not necessarily, but going forward I do need to set boundaries for myself and not feel bad for keeping certain things to myself. While I don’t regret telling new guy, you and wiseman are right— I do need to use discretion going forward. Thank you all again for your support and honesty! It’s helping me through the storm for sure Glad to see you've met someone and moving on from MM. Link to post Share on other sites
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