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I feel lost, jealous and not apart of her life


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We're young, we're in the same college. It's been 4 years now, coming from highschool and transitioning over to college together. We're young and in college and life surrounds us and we surround life.

 

It's inevitable at this age to be filled with friends, people, classes, homework, a job, an internship, a band, a sick relative, etc. In being in a relationship right now, trying to keep eachother up to date on every THING that happens in our lives is difficult. So much can happen within a day. People you talk to, jokes you laugh at, people you smile at to say hello. It cannot be all communicated on a daily basis to your partner as the "list of things that happened to me today". But you know you wish that was possible.

 

I've gotten better at being less concerned, less jealous over not being around for every minute of her life. It's a realization I had to make, that we can't be there for eachother every time. But all I wish for is a good sense of who she is beyond me. Who she is when she's not around me. That's what bothers me. That's what makes my stomach get knotted up. Why is it that I'm so out of the loop, when I could be in it? I refer to names in my stories, she says "some guy", "this guy", "the worker". I'm so prone to talking hours and hours about my day, about my relationships with people.

 

But I know nothing about her relationships, her jokes, her climatic moments of the day. I suppose its because she doesn't care about the rest of her day, she wants to forget about it and focus on me when we're together. But I want to know who she is when I'm not there. I want to be able to see her in my mind, visualizing her wherever she may be.

 

I'm greatful for her, but I wish I knew her like she knew me.

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