Will there be a second date?

[kleaners]

Met someone through Hinge last night. I followed all the advice I was given on here. After the initial match I asked if she wanted to meet over drinks. She agreed and actually met two days prior than originally discussed. There was very little texting over the few days between matching and meeting. We met at a local tavern and spent maybe 30 minutes there before she suggested we take a walk through town to pocket park for further conversation. Needing to head home since it was already around 11 p.m., she asked me if I wanted to walk her home. I obliged. When we parted she said maybe I'll text you tomorrow. I said something to the affect of "are you being a tease?" I don't remember her exact reply. By the time I got home she texted me saying she had fun talking with me and that she was indeed teasing me. I replied that I had fun too and would be interested in going out again if she is. Then I followed up with a joke about making it home safely and only had to fend off one guy with a knife (she was concerned about me walking back to my car due to people carrying switchblades - obviously a joke because it's a small bedroom community with very little crime).
I know work keeps her busy during the day, so I haven't received a reply and I plan on leaving the ball in her court, but I'm fighting the urge to text her again (I definitely won't).

Based on the fact she said she had fun, and would a woman allow a guy to walk her home if she didn't want him to know where she lived? This leaves me hopeful I'll see her again.

[ccas93]

who cares, if she texts you again, great. asking her if she is being a tease was showing low confidence though, and doesn't sound like she was very impressed. 

[kleaners]

13 minutes ago, ccas93 said:

who cares, if she texts you again, great. asking her if she is being a tease was showing low confidence though, and doesn't sound like she was very impressed. 

What makes you say that? Obviously tone of voice can't be portrayed in a forum post. If she wasn't impressed, why would she bother texting me 15 minutes later?

[Wiseman2]

31 minutes ago, kleaners said:

This leaves me hopeful I'll see her again.

Make it more than 'hopeful". Ask her out again she seems interested.

[kleaners]

13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Make it more than 'hopeful". Ask her out again she seems interested.

My last message expressed interest in seeing her again. You think I should still ask her out again anyway (possibly tomorrow since that was the original plan)? I don't want to seem too pushy, although she did mention she appreciated my enthusiasm in meeting. First we discussed Friday or possibly the weekend (to which I said I wasn't available Saturday). Then she messaged me about Tuesday, but it ended up raining and she didn't want to walk in the rain. I even suggested picking her up if she felt comfortable with that, but ended up meeting last night instead.

Edited September 1, 2022 by kleaners

[ccas93]

40 minutes ago, kleaners said:

What makes you say that? Obviously tone of voice can't be portrayed in a forum post. If she wasn't impressed, why would she bother texting me 15 minutes later?

why would she be teasing you saying she will text you tomorrow? then she said she was in fact teasing you and hasn't responded. 

[kleaners]

1 minute ago, ccas93 said:

why would she be teasing you saying she will text you tomorrow? then she said she was in fact teasing you and hasn't responded. 

Like I said in my original post, she works and doesn't have time to text during the day.

I'm always skeptical of people until they prove me wrong (just based on my history dealing with liars), but it just seems like a lot of effort to say one thing and go back on it anyway.

[ccas93]

1 minute ago, kleaners said:

Like I said in my original post, she works and doesn't have time to text during the day.

I'm always skeptical of people until they prove me wrong (just based on my history dealing with liars), but it just seems like a lot of effort to say one thing and go back on it anyway.

 I don't see what the use is in analyzing and reading into all these little things that happened on the first date and how they influence your chance for a second. Why not just see if you hear back from her. 

[Estes]

I've been on tons of first dates and many relationships from short to long term including marriage.

I speak from experience when I make two observations here.

1- The date went well and she's into you.

2- You need to find your testicles. Until you do,  fake it until you make it. Lack of confidence is EXTREMELY off-putting and the fastest way to ruin something potentially really good.

 

[kleaners]

29 minutes ago, Estes said:

I've been on tons of first dates and many relationships from short to long term including marriage.

I speak from experience when I make two observations here.

1- The date went well and she's into you.

2- You need to find your testicles. Until you do,  fake it until you make it. Lack of confidence is EXTREMELY off-putting and the fastest way to ruin something potentially really good.

 

Do you suggest I text her again or wait until she responds?

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, kleaners said:

Do you suggest I text her again or wait until she responds?

Ask her out. 

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, kleaners said:

I replied that I had fun too and would be interested in going out again if she is.

This was your last communication? When did you speak last - Tuesday? 

If it’s been a few days, I would shoot her a laid back text. Here in Canada, it’s a long weekend/holiday, I would use a little humor and say something like “TGIF! The long weekend is almost here!!” Wondering what you have planned for the weekend? Would you like to meet again?” 

And then wait for her reply. If it’s positive, then you can offer a few suggestions for fun things to do (unless she comes back with some ideas of her own). Think about things that are fun - you’ve done the talking/hang out date, next time you should try to have some fun together. Go to a movie and dessert after. Go bowling. Go to a bar and play pool. There are of options. 

Edited September 1, 2022 by BaileyB

[kleaners]

2 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

This was your last communication? When did you speak last - Tuesday? 

If it’s been a few days, I would shoot her a laid back text. Here in Canada, it’s a long weekend/holiday, I would use a little humor and say something like “TGIF! The long weekend is here!!”wondering what you have planned for the weekend? Would you like to meet again?” 

And then wait for her reply. If it’s positive, then you can offer a few suggestions for fun things to do (unless she comes back with some ideas of her own). Think about things that are fun - you’ve done the talking/hang out date, next time you should try to have some fun together. Go to a movie and dessert after. Go bowling. Go to a bar and play pool. There are of options. 

We went out last night. My last communication was shortly after arriving home.

[BaileyB]

7 minutes ago, kleaners said:

We went out last night. My last communication was shortly after arriving home.

Then, I would wait tonight to see if she texts you. If she doesn’t text tonight, I would send the same text I shared above tomorrow morning.

[Estes]

Once you find yourself sweating the small stuff, such as is it too long to reach out again after the last communication.. you're losing the forest for the trees. Dating and meeting people is difficult but it doesn't have to be THAT difficult. As to your question- sure there are things that can blow up a potentially good thing- my sister jumps all over a guy (speaking figuratively here not literally) as soon as they meet and she decides "he's her guy". She suffocates him, makes it all about when he will see her again, if he's got a busy schedule she expresses disappointment rather than being empathetic about his needs.. Point being you gotta take things slow, unless you're lucky as I have been and meet someone who is on the same page as you from day one and things move quickly, smoothly and naturally.

So- go ahead and drop her a text let her know you'd like to see her again and how's next Friday for dinner, or some activity that you think would be a nice way to get to know each other better. Please do not suggest a movie! I freaking hate it when people do that on a first or second date. How the heck are you going to get to know each other if you spend the bulk of the time together watching other people on a screen? Gauge her response and respond accordingly. If there's no response, then you hold off.. at least for a few days but by then if you don't hear it's almost a moot point what you do or do not do next.

 

[kleaners]

2 hours ago, Estes said:

Once you find yourself sweating the small stuff, such as is it too long to reach out again after the last communication.. you're losing the forest for the trees. Dating and meeting people is difficult but it doesn't have to be THAT difficult. As to your question- sure there are things that can blow up a potentially good thing- my sister jumps all over a guy (speaking figuratively here not literally) as soon as they meet and she decides "he's her guy". She suffocates him, makes it all about when he will see her again, if he's got a busy schedule she expresses disappointment rather than being empathetic about his needs.. Point being you gotta take things slow, unless you're lucky as I have been and meet someone who is on the same page as you from day one and things move quickly, smoothly and naturally.

So- go ahead and drop her a text let her know you'd like to see her again and how's next Friday for dinner, or some activity that you think would be a nice way to get to know each other better. Please do not suggest a movie! I freaking hate it when people do that on a first or second date. How the heck are you going to get to know each other if you spend the bulk of the time together watching other people on a screen? Gauge her response and respond accordingly. If there's no response, then you hold off.. at least for a few days but by then if you don't hear it's almost a moot point what you do or do not do next.

 

I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. I want to show I'm enthusiastic and interested about a next possible date, but like you said, I don't want to be suffocating. I also hate to let a whole day go by with nothing said between us. Maybe we're both busy, or maybe she thinks I'm not interested.

[smackie9]

Oh for Pete sake ask her out with definitive plans like dinner somewhere that's casual...day and time. If she says no and doesn't offer a different day, she's out.

[kleaners]

I asked my potential date out again yesterday and she said she'd probably be able to meet up after dinner with her co-workers, and that she'd get back to me. The night came and went. Radio silence. 

[Wiseman2]

37 minutes ago, kleaners said:

I asked my potential date out again yesterday and she said she'd probably be able to meet up after dinner with her co-workers, 

Are you asking last minute or trying to lock in a specific date and time?.

That's usually a huge mistake. When you ask someone out, be flexible and don't wait until the last minute.

For example ask if she is free sometime this week and what works for her.

Asking last minute, such as the day before or day of signals low interest , boredom or striking out elsewhere and quality women won't respond to this.

Change your strategy. At the end of a good date, say you would like to see them again then follow up with a communication and suggest a date in the next coming days/weekend.

If you undermine yourself with procrastinating, unfortunately you'll be listening to a lot of radio silence.

[kleaners]

Ugh...this is so hard. I don't want to be smothering but don't want to seem uninterested either. I asked her yesterday morning to go out after her work dinner or schedule a date Sunday or Monday. She chose last night, but did indicate she didn't know how long she'd be hanging out. I should give her the benefit of the doubt, but to not even say last night won't work, let's try for another day? Seems like she isn't interested.

[Wiseman2]

9 minutes ago, kleaners said:

. She chose last night, but did indicate she didn't know how long she'd be hanging out. 

Yes. Reschedule.

[kleaners]

9 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Yes. Reschedule.

👍

I don't have anything to lose, but you don't think the ball is in her court to reschedule?

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, kleaners said:

👍

I don't have anything to lose, but you don't think the ball is in her court to reschedule?

No. Reschedule when it isn't this cumbersome and inconvenient.  Who cares where the ball is. It's not a game so make your suggestion, nothing to lose.

[kleaners]

12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

No. Reschedule when it isn't this cumbersome and inconvenient.  Who cares where the ball is. It's not a game so make your suggestion, nothing to lose.

Thank you. The advice is appreciated. 😃

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, kleaners said:

I don't want to be smothering but don't want to seem uninterested either.

How can you possibly seem uninterested when you asked her out again?

She is the one who appears less-than-interested if she didn't bother to let you know that last night wasn't going to work, after all. You also offered Sunday or Monday. See if she gets back to you today about either of those. 

If not, don't reach out again. She knows you're interested. It's up to her now to reciprocate - if she is on the same page. If you don't hear anything more, you can assume she's not feeling it the way you are.