Will there be a second date?

[princessaurora]

It's possible her friends may have advised her it was too soon to see you again and play a little hard to get. This is another possible reason you didn't hear from her last night. 

[introverted1]

2 hours ago, kleaners said:

👍

I don't have anything to lose, but you don't think the ball is in her court to reschedule?

Yes, ball is squarely in her court.

If she hadn't picked the night, I'd say you should ask again. But you offered several nights for her to choose from, she picked one, then flaked without even contacting you to say she couldn't make it, if I am reading your post correctly.

She doesn't seem very interested but, if she is, she knows where to find you.

 

[kleaners]

1 hour ago, introverted1 said:

Yes, ball is squarely in her court.

If she hadn't picked the night, I'd say you should ask again. But you offered several nights for her to choose from, she picked one, then flaked without even contacting you to say she couldn't make it, if I am reading your post correctly.

She doesn't seem very interested but, if she is, she knows where to find you.

 

Yes, you're reading correctly. When we were planning our first date, she had offered Friday, but at that time had mentioned dinner plans. She ended up moving up our meet-up to Tuesday. I had a feeling it wasn't going to work out last night, but I agree, the appropriate thing to do would have been to give me a heads up (not that I was waiting around to hear from her). So far this morning I haven't heard anything.

[BaileyB]

You’ve got to wait this one out now. If she wants to see you again, she will text you.

Otherwise, I would make myself busy this weekend so that you are not sitting around waiting for her to text. Find something to do, you could even go online and see who else you find. 

[poppyfields]

@kleanersjust caught up with this thread and my advice is stop reaching, stop pushing. 

Agree with others, the ball is in her court and yes it is a "game," a "dance," however you want to label it.   Especially during these precarious early stages.

And it should be fun!   Not overwrought with so much anxiety as you're experiencing.. 

From reading your posts, it seems like you've been jerked around a bit, lied to, and as such your energy imo comes off low confidence and defeatist.   I sensed this just from reading your posts. 

You may try to hide on dates but women can sense this, it's one of the many perks of being a perceptive woman, having this innate ability to sense things about people intuitively. 

It also sounds like she is your only option.  Big mistake.  Ideally, you should be chatting and meeting different women not placing all your focus on one. 

I doubt you're HER only option.  She is most likely chatting and meeting other men which is why she's not so available.

You need to stand out somehow. 

People may argue with this, call it game playing or whatever, but one way to stand out and build attraction is by introducing a bit of mystery into things.

Give her time to think about you, wonder about you.  I'm not suggesting be a d-bag, but have a life, a purpose, other than her.

I'm referring to these very early stages when you're building attraction.

This will intrigue her assuming there was attraction to begin with, which from the way you described your date, there was. 

Stop chasing and acting so "thirsty" like all the other hundreds of men are doing.  That is a huge yawn for many women. 

Express interest which you have done by asking for another date, now lean back and wait for her to respond.

If she's interested, she will.  If not, she won't and you let it go. 

Plenty of others out there, that should be your attitude and if you had more options it would be. 

In the meantime, continue living your life, chatting with and meeting other women.

I would also recommend you read some good books like "No More Mr. Nice Guy, "The Art of Seduction" among others.  

Learn what attracts women and how to build and maintain attraction.  Contrary to popular belief, it's not about having common interests or easy conversation.

In fact, often times when there is strong mutual attraction, it's NOT so easy, there's a bit of tension.

Which is a good thing!  It means something's happening.

Even on a first date and many women look for that. 

"Friends" have common interests and easy conversation, attraction is an entirely different thing.. 

I'm sorry to say but your attitude right now sounds so defeatist @kleaners. 

I think you know what to do (and not do), it's putting into practice that you're having difficulty with. 

Experiment a bit, I think it was @Estes who said "fake it till you make it."

I agree with that. 

Good luck. 

 

 

 

Edited September 3, 2022 by poppyfields

[Wiseman2]

14 hours ago, kleaners said:

, she had offered Friday, but at that time had mentioned dinner plans. She ended up moving up our meet-up to Tuesday.

Sounds like scheduling issues. Not a tennis match. Once anyone starts with a mindset of "they're playing games", it is over before it can start. 

Since you had one good meet, but don't know each other it may be best if you want any success to give people the benefit of the doubt that you're both busy rather than playing games.

In fact you're the one who was too busy and she made a counter offer.

If you keep turning down women and playing chase me! games rather than sincerely trying to work out mutually convenient times to meet up you're going to miss out on a lot of possible matches.

It's not a game or a dance unless you want to make online dating a headache for everyone involved. If someone is playing games or doing a dance, well that's a timewaster.

Be realistic and opened minded when it comes to schedules and finding mutually convenient times.

[kleaners]

20 hours ago, poppyfields said:

@kleanersjust caught up with this thread and my advice is stop reaching, stop pushing. 

Agree with others, the ball is in her court and yes it is a "game," a "dance," however you want to label it.   Especially during these precarious early stages.

And it should be fun!   Not overwrought with so much anxiety as you're experiencing.. 

From reading your posts, it seems like you've been jerked around a bit, lied to, and as such your energy imo comes off low confidence and defeatist.   I sensed this just from reading your posts. 

You may try to hide on dates but women can sense this, it's one of the many perks of being a perceptive woman, having this innate ability to sense things about people intuitively. 

It also sounds like she is your only option.  Big mistake.  Ideally, you should be chatting and meeting different women not placing all your focus on one. 

I doubt you're HER only option.  She is most likely chatting and meeting other men which is why she's not so available.

You need to stand out somehow. 

People may argue with this, call it game playing or whatever, but one way to stand out and build attraction is by introducing a bit of mystery into things.

Give her time to think about you, wonder about you.  I'm not suggesting be a d-bag, but have a life, a purpose, other than her.

I'm referring to these very early stages when you're building attraction.

This will intrigue her assuming there was attraction to begin with, which from the way you described your date, there was. 

Stop chasing and acting so "thirsty" like all the other hundreds of men are doing.  That is a huge yawn for many women. 

Express interest which you have done by asking for another date, now lean back and wait for her to respond.

If she's interested, she will.  If not, she won't and you let it go. 

Plenty of others out there, that should be your attitude and if you had more options it would be. 

In the meantime, continue living your life, chatting with and meeting other women.

I would also recommend you read some good books like "No More Mr. Nice Guy, "The Art of Seduction" among others.  

Learn what attracts women and how to build and maintain attraction.  Contrary to popular belief, it's not about having common interests or easy conversation.

In fact, often times when there is strong mutual attraction, it's NOT so easy, there's a bit of tension.

Which is a good thing!  It means something's happening.

Even on a first date and many women look for that. 

"Friends" have common interests and easy conversation, attraction is an entirely different thing.. 

I'm sorry to say but your attitude right now sounds so defeatist @kleaners. 

I think you know what to do (and not do), it's putting into practice that you're having difficulty with. 

Experiment a bit, I think it was @Estes who said "fake it till you make it."

I agree with that. 

Good luck. 

 

 

 

You're right, I do Have a defeatest attitude. I've been through two failed marriages and a few short-term relations. I'm shy, so meeting people in real life is difficult. I can't count the number of times I've started conversations with women online, only to have them suddenly disappear, been stood up on dates, or have sent messages only to have them look at my profile and not respond. Rejection after rejection takes its toll. So when I approach a situation like this where I don't know if she's just stringing me along or if it's really a scheduling conflict, I think I have my reasons to be skeptical.

[Gaeta]

46 minutes ago, kleaners said:

So when I approach a situation like this where I don't know if she's just stringing me along or if it's really a scheduling conflict, I think I have my reasons to be skeptical.

We often say here when a man is interested he acts interested, that also counts for women. If I like a man on our first meeting I will not leave him hangning when he talks of meeting again,  I will keep him updated if I run late, I would never EVER not get back to him. Read threads from women, when we like a man we can't wait for that text/call. My guess is she's multi dating and has a prospect ahead of you. I would let this go. Don't say anything, don't burn your bridge, but let her come to you. 

Edited September 4, 2022 by Gaeta

[kleaners]

Just to offer some closure for anyone interested - I considered all the advice on both sides of the coin and opted not to reach out to this woman. She chose the tentative date and said she'd get back to me to confirm. She never did. I didn't believe it was then my responsibility to chase after her to try again. She hasn't reached out since, so clearly she wasn't that interested. I'm okay about it. Yeah, it sucks to be treated that way, but I had no emotional investment and was merely looking forward to getting to know someone new. It's probably for the best because there were a couple of qualities I didn't find so attractive, but was at least willing to look past them as I potentially got to know more about this person. I've moved on.

[BaileyB]

8 hours ago, kleaners said:

it sucks to be treated that way, but I had no emotional investment and was merely looking forward to getting to know someone new.

That’s a good attitude to have.

The sad truth about dating is that you are going to meet way more people that it doesn’t work out with than you will meet people that you will want to date/actually be in a relationship. That’s ok, you just need to be careful not to over invest in these early stages. It only takes one…