Run into my old colleague today

[Alvi]

Sounds like a lifetime ago. We were working together about 20 years ago for 2 years or so. I used to come to work early and he was always there. Sometimes he brought a cup of coffee for me. We talked but nothing more. I found another job after, and to be honest, never thought about him ever again. I run into him today and couldn't remember who he was after hearing him  calling  my name. It took me a while to remember him. Funny how the bran works sometimes, lol.

Anyway, we chatted for a bit. He still remembered some things that I have said to him 20 years ago and the things that I wanted to do. He confessed that he liked me back then. Apparently, he was coming to work early so that he could talk to me. How could I miss all the signals? I didn't think that he was interested in me romantically. He said that he though that I wasn't interested in him. I thought that he was attractive and had a great personality. But he was a bit older than myself.  Heck, I though that no guy ever was interested in me back then. I remember crying to my mom that no guy ever finds me attractive. But he never asked me out. Who know what it could've been. Maybe nothing, but maybe we could've build a lifetime together. Maybe he was dating somebody else back then, who knows? But he said that he was single. 

And of course he is married with kids now. And I am all alone. So this is pretty much it, a no go.  We wished each other well, he still is a nice person. Another missed opportunity for me, the one I didn't know I had.

I guess I don't really have a question.  But only if he ever mustered a nerve to ask me  for a cup of coffee or something.

[S2B]

Any guy bringing you coffee is a guy who is interested in more.

you obviously weren’t interested in him enough to realize he was even there.

just the fact that you couldn’t remember his name is telling you enough - you had no interest in dating him.

find an available man you’re interested in and ask him out!

[Alvi]

14 minutes ago, S2B said:

ny guy bringing you coffee is a guy who is interested in more.

Now reading this, I realize that you are probably right. But back then I didn't know that. Like I said, I was pretty clueless and missed all the signals.

15 minutes ago, S2B said:

just the fact that you couldn’t remember his name is telling you enough - you had no interest in dating him.

I didn't think that he was ever interested in me so I guess I forgot all about him. And it's not like he ever contacted me either so he couldn't be that much into me.  I had a new job and was building a new memories.

If he ever asked me out I would remember him but he didn't.

18 minutes ago, S2B said:

find an available man you’re interested in and ask him out!

That's a problem, lol. Not that I am not trying to find a guy to date, I am really putting lots of effort. It's just that it is not working.

[S2B]

37 minutes ago, Alvi said:

Now reading this, I realize that you are probably right. But back then I didn't know that. Like I said, I was pretty clueless and missed all the signals.

I didn't think that he was ever interested in me so I guess I forgot all about him. And it's not like he ever contacted me either so he couldn't be that much into me.  I had a new job and was building a new memories.

If he ever asked me out I would remember him but he didn't.

That's a problem, lol. Not that I am not trying to find a guy to date, I am really putting lots of effort. It's just that it is not working.

Then check your body language.

have someone asses you interacting with others. You may be sending signals that say “do not approach” (closed body language).  And if you can change to have more open body language - that will send a signal before you even say anything.

Edited September 2, 2022 by S2B

[Wiseman2]

13 hours ago, Alvi said:

And of course he is married with kids now. .  But only if he ever mustered a nerve to ask me  for a cup of coffee or something.

It was a nice catch up but you shouldn't hope for a cup of coffee or look backwards with regret.

[smackie9]

K this is just one of those life's lessons. You ever hear of destiny? There is a reason why you two ran into each other....to let you know where you went wrong and what you can do now to improve your chances. If you are interested in a man give him strong signals like smiling lots, be flirty, touch his arm, laugh, make a suggestion to go out together. I agree if a man goes above and beyond like bringing you a coffee, or pays you a compliment or makes an effort to talk to you like this guy did, he's interested. Now take this with you out there and let fate take it's course.

[Ami1uwant]

19 hours ago, Alvi said:

Sounds like a lifetime ago. We were working together about 20 years ago for 2 years or so. I used to come to work early and he was always there. Sometimes he brought a cup of coffee for me. We talked but nothing more. I found another job after, and to be honest, never thought about him ever again. I run into him today and couldn't remember who he was after hearing him  calling  my name. It took me a while to remember him. Funny how the bran works sometimes, lol.

Anyway, we chatted for a bit. He still remembered some things that I have said to him 20 years ago and the things that I wanted to do. He confessed that he liked me back then. Apparently, he was coming to work early so that he could talk to me. How could I miss all the signals? I didn't think that he was interested in me romantically. He said that he though that I wasn't interested in him. I thought that he was attractive and had a great personality. But he was a bit older than myself.  Heck, I though that no guy ever was interested in me back then. I remember crying to my mom that no guy ever finds me attractive. But he never asked me out. Who know what it could've been. Maybe nothing, but maybe we could've build a lifetime together. Maybe he was dating somebody else back then, who knows? But he said that he was single. 

And of course he is married with kids now. And I am all alone. So this is pretty much it, a no go.  We wished each other well, he still is a nice person. Another missed opportunity for me, the one I didn't know I had.

I guess I don't really have a question.  But only if he ever mustered a nerve to ask me  for a cup of coffee or something.

You probably didn’t give any singnalsof interest.

 

him doing things like bringing you coffee means something. He wanted to get to know more about you.

do you know if you have some firm of prosopagnosia?  It has to do with recognizing peop,e out of context you know them.

 

 

 

[Lotsgoingon]

Guys without a lot of confidence often don't really know how to flirt (make clear their romantic interest) so it's not surprising that you didn't catch his interest. Conversation was likely mundane and not suggesting romantic interest. He was treating you like a good friend and you just assumed, hey, he was a happy generous colleague.

But I get the weirdness of such an encounter. I had one of those when someone has approached me--someone I haven't seen in a decade or more--and in that present encounter, they reveal that they were really interested in me back when. And I'm thinking all along, that this person NEVER got onto my romantic radar. 

 

 

 

[Gaeta]

On 9/2/2022 at 11:21 AM, smackie9 said:

K this is just one of those life's lessons. You ever hear of destiny? There is a reason why you two ran into each other....to let you know where you went wrong and what you can do now to improve your chances. If you are interested in a man give him strong signals like smiling lots, be flirty, touch his arm, laugh, make a suggestion to go out together. I agree if a man goes above and beyond like bringing you a coffee, or pays you a compliment or makes an effort to talk to you like this guy did, he's interested. Now take this with you out there and let fate take it's course.

I really like that answer. This is the way to look at it. It would have been interesting to know how he met his wife and if she had a big part in them connecting.