Yinyangblondie Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 (edited) 3 year relationship The other day I called my boyfriend (of 3 years) to say goodnight (we don’t live together) as we normally do and he didn’t answer. I waited 30 min & called again - no answer.I also texted to ask if he’s ok. Very unusual for him to not answer calls or texts. Of course I got worried & anxiety got the best of me thinking something happened to him, like what if he got into a car accident or a health scare. Nothing prepared me for what was to come 🤦♀️ so I drove to his house and low n behold he is coming out of the front door with another girl. It was like a deer in the headlights look when he saw me. He did not greet me or acknowledge my presence except for saying “I’ll be right back” as he was walking towards his car with this mystery woman. I was walking beside them giving him a look like wtf 😳. So he finally introduced the girl as Sarah. He did not introduce me at all to her. She just said “nice to meet you”. Then they got in his car and drove away. I called him again as I was beside myself 😬 I asked who the hell is this [woman]?? He explained this is Sarah. I said dude I know but who [ ] is that? And he just gave a lame ass excise that it’s one of his clients ( he’s in sales). Mind you this is around 11pm - and they were alone at his house. To make a long story short I set in my car in the parking lot awaiting his return to confront him. He told me he’d be back in 30 min. Of course he did not come back in the time frame and stopped answering my calls. He did respond to my texts with some gaslighting tactics saying I made him feel like he was doing something wrong and making him feel awkward 😑. Sneaking around hiding s*** from your partner is wrong but of course he would rather deflect and blame me instead. I went home after waiting for 30 min and him giving excuses for why he wasn’t back yet over text. about an hour later he texted me to ask if I wanted him to come over to which of course I said no. I haven’t spoken to him since then. he’s tried to call and text but I haven’t responded just because I feel sick every time I think of him now. I feel dumb af for trusting him for so long, who knows how long he has been hiding s*** from me. I know I can never trust him again after this incident. I feel like if I talk to him he will gaslight me and make me question reality. It’s so tragic to me because I really loved this person and now I can never go back to him or look at him the same 😢 Edited September 2, 2022 by a LoveShack.org Moderator language Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yinyangblondie Posted September 2, 2022 Author Share Posted September 2, 2022 There’s 1 other thing - his house is usually pretty messy and unorganized and he does not bring his clients to his house. It did not look tidy at all on that day which leads me to believe this girl has been over to his house in the past if he’s comfortable enough bringing her over without at least cleaning his house a little. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 He didn’t come over to kiss you in front of her? Greet you and Introduce you as his girlfriend? Ya, seems like he had a date. Leaving with her and having you stand there would be the end of it for me. that was just…cold and uncaring. even IF it was a client - being treated that way like discarded trash was beyond mean. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 Sara is his side chick. I'm sorry you found out this way. You are doing the right thing cutting him off. He's not who you thought he was. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yinyangblondie Posted September 2, 2022 Author Share Posted September 2, 2022 6 hours ago, S2B said: He didn’t come over to kiss you in front of her? Greet you and Introduce you as his girlfriend? Ya, seems like he had a date. Leaving with her and having you stand there would be the end of it for me. that was just…cold and uncaring. even IF it was a client - being treated that way like discarded trash was beyond mean. Right, he did not introduce me at all not even a name which didn’t occur to me in the moment, as I was too shocked. I wish it did so I could’ve called him out in front of her. Agreed - and the fact that he refused to come back knowing I was waiting there to confront him says volumes. He got caught and he knew it and was too much of a coward to even face me after that without having time to come up with some story. When they were coming out of the house initially I said omg I was so worried - I called you/texted you. He goes “I know “ 🙄🙄🙄 then he texted me yeah that’s why I didn’t answer the phone cause I knew you’d be mad. This is the type of stuff he is saying to gaslight me, acting like this is normal behavior and I’m just some crazy girlfriend. I’m trusted him 100% before this and have never just come over to check on him late in the evening like that. My gut instinct was so strong, I knew something was very wrong but finding him there with a girl was absolutely the last thing on my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 I’m very sorry that this has happened. You are wise to end the relationship, you should never trust this man again. The fact that he can’t even be honest with you is very disrespectful. If it’s any consolation, it’s best that you learn the truth now - before you were married and had a mortgage and two children with this man. It would be that much harder and that much more painful… Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 2, 2022 Share Posted September 2, 2022 (edited) Wow that's rough. That happened to me once when I went over to a guy's house I was dating and when he opened the door there was this beautiful girl sitting on his sofa. I turned and left immediately. He at least ran after me, but we both knew what was going on and I ended it. Now that trust is broken between you two just try to get over it. Maybe go some place with your friends for a mini vacay and unwind, come back home block him, delete and start dating other guys. Edited September 2, 2022 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yinyangblondie Posted September 2, 2022 Author Share Posted September 2, 2022 I forgot to say earlier, even if let’s say this is a client of his and he was telling the truth (obviously he’s not, I could never be so gullible), the intention of sneaking around and ignoring my calls purposely is there regardless of the identity of this girl. I could never trust him after knowing that he’s capable of trying to hide something from me. I would have never known this was occurring unless I caught him in the act and he would’ve just made up some lame excuse like he was asleep when I called or something. And I would have believed him - that’s how much I trusted this person. There’s no reason to be secretive about anything unless you know what you’re doing is gonna hurt your partner. And if you choose to do as you please and the solution is just to hide it - that speaks for itself in regards to your moral code and character. I’m sure this has been going on for a while it’s just the first time he got caught and had no words to defend his actions because in his mind he never thought I will find out. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 4, 2022 Share Posted September 4, 2022 He's pretty stupid because different behaviour like breaking a 3 year routine will automatically draw suspicion. He could have easily texted you back. It's quite bizarre. He even admitted it he knew you were blowing up his phone so why not answer? He could have easily came up with a bunch of lies instead. And if you were on a date and a woman comes roaring over out of nowhere asking your date why he didn't answer his phone, wouldn't you turn and ask if that was his GF? If she knew who you were wouldn't she freak out, be real nervous? Some of this doesn't make sense TBH. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 4, 2022 Share Posted September 4, 2022 There's really no good or comforting words about what happened except that you dodged a bullet before moving in or worse getting married to someone like this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yinyangblondie Posted September 4, 2022 Author Share Posted September 4, 2022 9 hours ago, smackie9 said: He's pretty stupid because different behaviour like breaking a 3 year routine will automatically draw suspicion. He could have easily texted you back. It's quite bizarre. He even admitted it he knew you were blowing up his phone so why not answer? He could have easily came up with a bunch of lies instead. And if you were on a date and a woman comes roaring over out of nowhere asking your date why he didn't answer his phone, wouldn't you turn and ask if that was his GF? If she knew who you were wouldn't she freak out, be real nervous? Some of this doesn't make sense TBH. I think the reason he didn’t text is cause he was gonna play it off like he was asleep. If he texted back but didn’t call back it would seem more sus. Or a more likely scenario is that they were having sex and he didn’t get a chance to check his phone? In my opinion she knew he had a gf, otherwise how can he say in front of her that she’s a client?He just wasn’t expecting to be caught and he didn’t have his lies straight that’s why none of this makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yinyangblondie Posted September 4, 2022 Author Share Posted September 4, 2022 8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: There's really no good or comforting words about what happened except that you dodged a bullet before moving in or worse getting married to someone like this. So true, just wish it would have happened sooner. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 4, 2022 Share Posted September 4, 2022 1 hour ago, Yinyangblondie said: I think the reason he didn’t text is cause he was gonna play it off like he was asleep. If he texted back but didn’t call back it would seem more sus. Or a more likely scenario is that they were having sex and he didn’t get a chance to check his phone? In my opinion she knew he had a gf, otherwise how can he say in front of her that she’s a client?He just wasn’t expecting to be caught and he didn’t have his lies straight that’s why none of this makes sense. Well like I said, he's pretty stupid then. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 4, 2022 Share Posted September 4, 2022 She very well could be a client of his that he's been also dating. It's pretty telling that he drove away with her leaving you standing there and then not answering your texts. He's definitely dating this girl. He made sure she was taken care of while leaving you there in distress. Shows where he loyalty lies. That is the part I wouldn't be able to get over. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Yinyangblondie Posted September 4, 2022 Author Share Posted September 4, 2022 1 hour ago, stillafool said: She very well could be a client of his that he's been also dating. It's pretty telling that he drove away with her leaving you standing there and then not answering your texts. He's definitely dating this girl. He made sure she was taken care of while leaving you there in distress. Shows where he loyalty lies. That is the part I wouldn't be able to get over. Exactly my point. There’s no loyalty or empathy. I never wanna feel like that again - just sitting there in disbelief as he drove away. Unreal 🤦♀️ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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