Author JFReyes Posted September 4, 2022 Author Share Posted September 4, 2022 1 hour ago, Lotsgoingon said: A dog ain't destructive, but you do need to get out and form some friendships. I know: easier said than done. Yeah, I know. Thanks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JFReyes Posted September 11, 2022 Author Share Posted September 11, 2022 Well, yesterday I adopted a dog. She has immediately changed my life because now I don't have much time to dwell on the broken relationship. I think this is good. The other thing I think is good is that even though my ex is vacationing in Europe with her family for a couple of weeks, she has kept contacting me everyday. I don't know what her final decision about reconciliation will be, but I think this is encouraging. Thanks for reading about my troubles. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 11, 2022 Share Posted September 11, 2022 43 minutes ago, JFReyes said: yesterday I adopted a dog This is wonderful. I have always loved and owned pets, dogs in particular. They offer so much joyful companionship. As for your ex, all you can do is see how things go once she's home from holiday. There may be a way forward, but only time will tell. It sounds like there were other relatonship issues that needed to be addressed even before your EA, so perhaps this will give you some to reflect on those as well and ask yourself what can be done there. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JFReyes Posted September 11, 2022 Author Share Posted September 11, 2022 2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: This is wonderful. I have always loved and owned pets, dogs in particular. They offer so much joyful companionship. As for your ex, all you can do is see how things go once she's home from holiday. There may be a way forward, but only time will tell. It sounds like there were other relatonship issues that needed to be addressed even before your EA, so perhaps this will give you some to reflect on those as well and ask yourself what can be done there. Yes, as with many relationships, there were other issues that needed to be addressed. I acknowledge my part in dragging my feet to solve them, but this jolt has certainly pushed me in the right direction. As you say, only time will tell. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author JFReyes Posted September 24, 2022 Author Share Posted September 24, 2022 Well, my ex-gf (it's official now) returned from her holiday and we had a 2 hour face to face talk. We only spent 15-20 minutes talking about her decision to not be intimate with me again, but she's ok with us still being friends. I understand her reasons and being logical she's right - not only did I betray her trust but looking forward she cannot give me what I want, which is 24/7 company. The rest of the time she told me about her experiences visiting Spain, and we had a few laughs together. My new dog (turns out she's an alpha female, just like my ex) didn't warm up to her. So this is it; time to start anew. I wished her happiness and for my part I am not planning on starting new relationships (even with the AP) anytime soon, but I will surely start casual dating because loneliness sucks. As for friendship with my ex, I don't know, right now I think it's not a good idea to keep going to the same salsa classes. As said before, time will tell. Thanks... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 24, 2022 Share Posted September 24, 2022 7 minutes ago, JFReyes said: As for friendship with my ex, I don't know, right now I think it's not a good idea to keep going to the same salsa classes. As said before, time will tell. Thanks... It's best to just to walk away. It never really works trying to be friends with an ex until years have passed and you both have moved on to others. There are more dance classes you can take besides the one she goes to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JFReyes Posted September 24, 2022 Author Share Posted September 24, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, stillafool said: It's best to just to walk away. It never really works trying to be friends with an ex until years have passed and you both have moved on to others. There are more dance classes you can take besides the one she goes to. Yeah, I'm starting to walk away though it sucks... My close friends tell me that her words and meaning are just a long term test, but I'm not falling for that. I never say never but if there's another chance it will come from completely different circumstances. Edited September 24, 2022 by JFReyes Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 25, 2022 Share Posted September 25, 2022 11 hours ago, JFReyes said: Yeah, I'm starting to walk away though it sucks... My close friends tell me that her words and meaning are just a long term test, but I'm not falling for that. I never say never but if there's another chance it will come from completely different circumstances. I’m sorry to hear this. Yes, moving on without contact will help you heal and find someone new. Depending on how you view past relationships whomever you date may not be too enthusiastic with you still having feelings for an ex and staying in contact either. This is food for thought. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 25, 2022 Share Posted September 25, 2022 19 hours ago, JFReyes said: . My close friends tell me that her words and meaning are just a long term test I don't think so, no. I think your relationship already wasn't in a good place and your emotional affair was what finally gave her the cue to part ways. It seems it's going to be for the best that this has come to an end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JFReyes Posted September 25, 2022 Author Share Posted September 25, 2022 3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: I don't think so, no. I think your relationship already wasn't in a good place and your emotional affair was what finally gave her the cue to part ways. It seems it's going to be for the best that this has come to an end. Understood. My close friends are cheering me up. Ok, so be it. Thanks... Link to post Share on other sites
Author JFReyes Posted September 25, 2022 Author Share Posted September 25, 2022 (edited) Y'all know, the ironic part of all this is that there never was any physical cheating, only inappropriate messages. I now understand that's cheating anyway -- in the Biblical sense Matthew 5:27-29 -- but I reckon that -- as my ex acknowledged -- if I had just started a fight beforehand instead of cheating we would have probably ended in the same place, the end of the relationship. So, one never knows... Edited September 25, 2022 by JFReyes Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 26, 2022 Share Posted September 26, 2022 (edited) 12 hours ago, JFReyes said: Y'all know, the ironic part of all this is that there never was any physical cheating, only inappropriate messages. I now understand that's cheating anyway -- in the Biblical sense Matthew 5:27-29 -- but I reckon that -- as my ex acknowledged -- if I had just started a fight beforehand instead of cheating we would have probably ended in the same place, the end of the relationship. So, one never knows... It wasn’t working sadly. Let each other go. You’ll know for next time to end one thing before trying something else. You won’t be feeling this amount of guilt and dealing with ending two relationships, AP and the one with your ex. Edited September 26, 2022 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
Author JFReyes Posted September 26, 2022 Author Share Posted September 26, 2022 5 hours ago, glows said: You’ll know for next time to end one thing before trying something else. This is the one time in my life I didn't do this. Serves me right... Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 26, 2022 Share Posted September 26, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, JFReyes said: This is the one time in my life I didn't do this. Serves me right... Casual relationships are fine for some time but not rewarding in the long term. I’m referring to your update post above. There’s nothing wrong with them except you’ll have to know the kind of person you are versus what you’re choosing. The full cycle of a casual relationship usually proves a lot of disappointment and lack of depth. You may decide to have your own opinion on it down the line. Important to note: there’s no right or wrong here in the healing process, just know what’s right for you. Would it also benefit you to be engaged in other ways or find intellectual stimulation through hobby/interest groups, volunteering or taking up a class? Throwing this out there as ideas. Edited September 26, 2022 by glows Link to post Share on other sites
Author JFReyes Posted September 26, 2022 Author Share Posted September 26, 2022 20 minutes ago, glows said: Would it also benefit you to be engaged in other ways or find intellectual stimulation through hobby/interest groups, volunteering or taking up a class? Throwing this out there as ideas. Well, I had various hobbies that I stopped doing but can go back to. I'm also looking to volunteer but haven't yet found my calling. Finally, I'm also looking for a class to attend but my options there are limited. I'm putting in the effort, though, but it will take some time. Thanks for the suggestions... Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 26, 2022 Share Posted September 26, 2022 1 minute ago, JFReyes said: Well, I had various hobbies that I stopped doing but can go back to. I'm also looking to volunteer but haven't yet found my calling. Finally, I'm also looking for a class to attend but my options there are limited. I'm putting in the effort, though, but it will take some time. Thanks for the suggestions... Welcome. They may not provide the instant rush from casual but they’re things you’re investing in independent of any relationship status or situation. We make better decisions in a partner overall when we’re feeling fulfilled or happy with ourselves, nothing to do with a partner. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JFReyes Posted September 27, 2022 Author Share Posted September 27, 2022 Today I couldn't resist contacting my ex -- as the breakup is still fresh and today would have been our 8th anniversary -- but after chatting for a short while, I feel better because I got some closure. I'm more confident that everything will turn out fine for both of us on our separate journeys. While we're still "friends" (at least on speaking terms) I don't intend to contact her again. Wish me success... Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 27, 2022 Share Posted September 27, 2022 2 hours ago, JFReyes said: Today I couldn't resist contacting my ex -- as the breakup is still fresh and today would have been our 8th anniversary -- but after chatting for a short while, I feel better because I got some closure. I'm more confident that everything will turn out fine for both of us on our separate journeys. While we're still "friends" (at least on speaking terms) I don't intend to contact her again. Wish me success... That’s ok. It happens. You both chatted on amicable terms? That’s healthy even if for your own personal closure. Yes, don’t contact her again and keep focusing on you and what you want to be doing with your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JFReyes Posted September 27, 2022 Author Share Posted September 27, 2022 1 hour ago, glows said: That’s ok. It happens. You both chatted on amicable terms? That’s healthy even if for your own personal closure. Yes, don’t contact her again and keep focusing on you and what you want to be doing with your life. Yes, we chatted on amicable terms. Later on I even received an email from her that essentially constituted as a goodwill farewell letter. I never experienced anything like that from my prior ex or even my children's mother. I'm truly sad this relationship ended but I understand her reasons, although it sucks. You know, she may be right as she claims she cannot give me what I want -- which is closer companionship -- due to her family commitments. Right, no more dancing classes together and no further contact, except for humanitarian reasons (we live in hurricane alley and just went through Fiona with catastrophic results). The new dog Lola is helping a lot. I'm back at the gym and am dusting off my puertorican guitar. Still looking for volunteering opportunities and already have profiles on dating sites, though clearly stating I just want company. I'm getting there... Thanks. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 28, 2022 Share Posted September 28, 2022 4 hours ago, JFReyes said: Yes, we chatted on amicable terms. Later on I even received an email from her that essentially constituted as a goodwill farewell letter. I never experienced anything like that from my prior ex or even my children's mother. I'm truly sad this relationship ended but I understand her reasons, although it sucks. You know, she may be right as she claims she cannot give me what I want -- which is closer companionship -- due to her family commitments. Right, no more dancing classes together and no further contact, except for humanitarian reasons (we live in hurricane alley and just went through Fiona with catastrophic results). The new dog Lola is helping a lot. I'm back at the gym and am dusting off my puertorican guitar. Still looking for volunteering opportunities and already have profiles on dating sites, though clearly stating I just want company. I'm getting there... Thanks. Hopefully that’s the last email and there are no more farewells. Although it’s good of both of you to say your goodbyes don’t drag this out. It sounds like she thinks well of you and wants to move on too regardless what those reasons for not wanting a relationship with you maybe. I’m sorry about the hurricane. Absolutely devastating. I have quite a few friends and some family on the east coast both in Canada and US and just difficult to watch or see what’s happening. Yes, check out volunteer ops. I hope you find something worthwhile. Link to post Share on other sites
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