Instant connections are real?

[Gaeta]

4 minutes ago, lonelyplanetmoon said:

 take the time to get to know him, the real him, not the “him” that you are envisioning.

Of course, i'm not new to life and love. I just have not experience this in a long time and wanted to share it and get reassured that sometimes those instant connections are real. We are not rushing, we just express we are both excited to have come across each other. 

Since l posted this l'm much less negative. It helped me to put down in words what l was feeling.

[Logo]

On 9/4/2022 at 8:37 AM, Gaeta said:

I am so guarded when it comes to dating that I can't tell what's real and fake anymore. As a defense mechanism I've grown to assume it's all fake from the get go. Most of the fabricated 'instant connection' I've experienced in the past there was a little something annoying that I ignored but this time nothing.

I met someone and I have no red flags to report, I have no gut instinct talking to me, I have nothing negative to get bogged down in! I can't get enough of him, he can't get enough of me, but I can't fully enjoy it because I am soooooooo darn guarded and always waiting for the other shoe to drop! 😞

Do we call that being guarded or it's just wisdom & experience? What ever it is, it sucks. 

 

I know the feeling. I think we become jaded, we carry baggage, we think we've learned from past experience, but I think most of it is just us adults placing more and more inhibitions on ourselves. Kids are uninhibited, they live IN the moment, they enjoy the moment. Then we grow up, and start thinking about the past, the future, we think we know what we're doing, but really, we don't. What I mean is, the best we can do is enjoy the moment, this moment. In theory, it's a simple concept to master, in practice, it's much harder, for myself included. I'm working on it.

[Logo]

On 9/5/2022 at 11:54 AM, Gaeta said:

I actually read a few books on buddhism and do my best to remain in the moment. 

I'm not invested. I know a lot of stories on here are about overly invested people but it's not my problem. My problem is the opposite, l'm disillussionned and guarded. One cannot created a bond while guarded. 

I barely initiate contact with him because in my mind when l like someone they disappear anyway.

It's a lot easier looking from the outside in, when we're not emotionally involved. So, I'll say this: if he's the right person, he will be understanding and continue to create that bond with you, building it. At the same time, all you can do is simply match his energy. He moves one step forward, you move one step forward. But, try to be fun and engaging, and just let go while with him. Try to enjoy it. That way, you're not out on a proverbial limb. 

Sometimes, what helps me is to think, "What's the worst that could happen?!" I know, it's not so easy or simple. But, it might help.

[Logo]

On 9/5/2022 at 12:25 PM, poppyfields said:

It does NOT mean being a cold, uncaring person, not able to 'feel' and being detached in that sense. 

It means living in the moment, enjoying the moment. 

Focusing on the journey NOT the destination. Allowing the Universe to guide you to wherever you're meant to be and with whom for however long it's meant to last. 

 

 

That's a great reminder.

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, Gaeta said:

. I just have not experience this in a long time and wanted to share it and get reassured that sometimes those instant connections are real. 

Perhaps the term "instant connection" is the issue. It is quite normal to continue dating when there is mutual attraction and chemistry. And that seems to be what is happening here which is a good thing. Relax and enjoy the experience.

[Gaeta]

So i'm doing it! 

I'm living in the moment, l'm not worrying about a bunch of 'ifs' and l'm having a really great time! 

I've stop being overly guarded, l'm still keeping my head on my shoulders don't worry. When he says he'll do something he does it, he's a great communicator, he gives me no worries at all. We both agree starting slow but steady is what will allow us to build a solid base. There is also no pressure for sex on his part, we will get there when we get there, for now we kiss, hold hands, we enjoy 'the beginning'. 

It feels great !!! 🙂