I don't know if this is just a textationship or more?

[laylafortheride]

So I am a woman and met this other woman (we are both 35) on Okcupid 3 weeks ago. We immediately vibed and we would text each other almost all day long. This went on for like 10 days. We even started calling each other pet names and sharing secrets. She basically started it. Keep in mind though that we never had a videocall or an actual physical meeting (we live very far from each other).

Over the last week, her texts seem less and she does not reply instantly. When this happens, I simple go on with my life and always wait for her text me first. She always texts every day, but its strange that our communication is more scarce now and also that we haven't yet seen each other on camera (her social media profile seems valid). When she finally texts, she says 'where have you been' in a sweet tone which makes me even more confused, kind of like I was supposed to text her first.She says that she has been going through a hard stage and I know she has, given the stuff she has told me so far. But it kinda turns me off that she was always texting me 24/7 and now she does this way less. Also when I suggested a date to meet her, she started saying some excuses which I am not sure are legit. Also she has told me she was really hurt from her ex and she is afraid of the stage of falling in love for this reason. Also, what confuses me is that she makes hints for future things we would be doing together.I am starting to catch feelings and I don't want to get hurt. How can I make this whole thing clearer in my head without having to discuss this with her and without making it even more serious that it should be?

[ShyViolet]

This whole thing is an absolute waste of time and you need to stop texting with this woman.  You should never get into a drawn-out "textationship" with someone that consists of endless texting without even having met in person.  You are mistaking texting for an actual connection.  The healthy way to approach dating is to set up an in-person meeting right away to find out if you actually have real-life chemistry.  Not start endlessly texting for weeks and then let yourself get invested and deluded into thinking you have "feelings" for a person who you have not even met.  It's a red flag that when you suggested meeting in person she started making excuses and avoiding it.  

You don't have "feelings" for her; you don't even know this person.  You are becoming infatuated with a fantasy in your head of a person that you haven't met.  The healthy thing to do would be to cut this off, block her and focus on dating actual real people who live close to you, who you can meet in person.  Texting is not dating.

[ExpatInItaly]

You have no idea who this person is, OP. 

It might another woman. Or it might be some teenage kid in his mom's basement. Or an old married guy who is bored. The point is, this individual is a total stranger. You cannot (and should not) rely on a random social media profile to verify someone's identity when you have never seen or spoken to them live. She could have given you anyone's name, and now you're thinking that's who you're talking to. This is merely a fantasy. 

In short? Stop all communication with this person. When someone is shady and refuses to speak to you live or meet you, they are not who they say they are. 

[Alpacalia]

On 9/4/2022 at 9:42 AM, laylafortheride said:

Also when I suggested a date to meet her, she started saying some excuses which I am not sure are legit.

Getting on a dating app is a great way to meet people and you are actually there for that purpose.

While I'm all for a few exchanges, if the person is not interested in meeting, there is no point in it if your goal is to find a relationship in the first place.

Stop corresponding with her and connect with someone that is open to meeting you in person.

[Wiseman2]

On 9/4/2022 at 12:42 PM, laylafortheride said:

. We even started calling each other pet names and sharing secrets.  we never had a videocall or an actual physical meetin (we live very far from each other

Sorry this is happening. When people are lonely or bored or isolated they can fall down this type of rabbit hole.

When someone contacts you from a distance it's a red flag.

I would caution you about "sharing secrets" with random internet entities. You don't know if this is a scammer, catfish, whatever.

Report this activity to the dating app so they can shut this scammer down.

Read up on romance scams. Fishing for personal info and can't meet/too distant are classic signs.

Edited September 7, 2022 by Wiseman2

[BaileyB]

On 9/4/2022 at 11:42 AM, laylafortheride said:

How can I make this whole thing clearer in my head without having to discuss this with her and without making it even more serious that it should be?

You remind yourself that you have never actually met this person. Common sense dictates that you should not form an intimate relationship with an individual you have never actually met in person. 

[S2B]

Why haven’t you two made time to meet? If there is interest - anyone will MAKE time within a week!

VERY busy people - very important people MAKE time for people they care to spend time with.

you have no idea if she is really who she says she is.

anyone can create a fake social media page.

[Despin]

If you're willing to meet, and she isn't then it's game over.

 

[S2B]

Call it a time waster.