PinkFlamingo Posted December 29, 2019 Share Posted December 29, 2019 I just read the first post and then skipped to the last page to get an update. Since you're still not divorced, in the wise words of Dan Savage - DUMP THE MOTHERf***ER ALREADY! The only reason this hasn't turned into a fullblown affaire is the woman, otherwise your husband would have been more than willing to take it further. I'm pretty sure that there is nothing in the 28 pages that might excuse your husband's behavior. Also, since he cheated on you, I'm not sure if he would really have any right to your assets when you divorce him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author edith Posted December 30, 2019 Author Share Posted December 30, 2019 It was his birthday yesterday. No text from her! Other women texted him happy birthday on the same app he uses to talk to 11-yr OW, but he hasn’t checked the app since Saturday! He can see who has texted him offline, without opening the app, and he was checking his phone a lot yesterday. Nothing from her. I don’t know what this says about how serious this is for them, but it can’t be good. I acted as if nothing was happening, but now I’m questioning if he’s staying away from the app to show her that no one else texted him on it - she can see when he last opened it. For now, I’m glad that they haven’t talked since last Thursday, when he texted her. I’m going to enjoy my family while I still have one. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 Capricorn, huh? What sign is she? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 Just now, stillafool said: Capricorn, huh? What sign are you and her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author edith Posted December 30, 2019 Author Share Posted December 30, 2019 Haha! I’m interested in hearing your astrological opinions 😊 I’m a Libra and she’s a Gemini. Link to post Share on other sites
Watercolors Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 ...or this could be the sequel to Gone Girl.... Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 Oh you must feel soooo good! The woman he is desperately trying to F' didn't wish him happy birthday. But some of the other women he F's behind your back did. Congratulations I guess? How many hours a day do you spend investigating your husband's extramarital affairs? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 3 hours ago, edith said: Haha! I’m interested in hearing your astrological opinions 😊 I’m a Libra and she’s a Gemini. Btw - He’s Capricorn so he needs stability in finances and life in general. He’s a creature of habit Shes Gemini so she needs excitement. He bores her to death by this point but she’s playing with him to try to create any excitement. You’re Libra. You’re a peacemaker. You take care of yours. Libra is the most easy going of all the signs of the zodiac. You’re stability and a soft place to fall. She’s a mild distraction for him. He’s never going to leave you. He’s still an a**h*** Ta-da ! 6 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 30, 2019 Share Posted December 30, 2019 6 hours ago, edith said: I’m going to enjoy my family while I still have one. So what exactly did you do with your family to celebrate his birthday? How did you have fun - did you do something with the kids, did you bake him a cake and cook his favourite meal, did you have birthday sex? Just curious - considering that you spent the better part of your day monitoring his communications? What exactly did you enjoy about the day with your family? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkFlamingo Posted December 31, 2019 Share Posted December 31, 2019 19 hours ago, edith said: It was his birthday yesterday. No text from her! Other women texted him happy birthday on the same app he uses to talk to 11-yr OW, but he hasn’t checked the app since Saturday! He can see who has texted him offline, without opening the app, and he was checking his phone a lot yesterday. Nothing from her. I don’t know what this says about how serious this is for them, but it can’t be good. I acted as if nothing was happening, but now I’m questioning if he’s staying away from the app to show her that no one else texted him on it - she can see when he last opened it. For now, I’m glad that they haven’t talked since last Thursday, when he texted her. I’m going to enjoy my family while I still have one. You seriously do not mind grasping at straws, do you? If you dissect his behavior even further, maybe you will realize that he truly only loves you and only you and all the other women were just meaningless distractions during your marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 31, 2019 Share Posted December 31, 2019 16 hours ago, edith said: Haha! I’m interested in hearing your astrological opinions 😊 I’m a Libra and she’s a Gemini. Whoa! Link to post Share on other sites
Author edith Posted January 6, 2020 Author Share Posted January 6, 2020 His birthday was fine - we went out to dinner and the kids had games so he seemed pretty satisfied. I was upset most of the time, no words from him about it. He wanted sex and I said no. He knew something was wrong then. I keep getting knots in my stomach now that their “meeting” is about 2 weeks away. He hasn’t reached out to her, has ignored the other women. He only checks the app he uses with her twice a day. I still assume it’s because he wants to reassure her that he’s not seeing anyone else. If this isn’t proof that he cares, I don’t know what is. Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 Edith, This is all so painful to read. I did this whole dance with trying to figure out what his actions meant. I could only handle it for a year and this started after a DDay and him promising he was going to make it up. The anxeity it caused. I lost so much weight and I was already a tiny person. I became a shell of a person. But unlike you, I was a SAHM with no work experience, no college degree, and I had 4 kids. Eventually, I had to leave for my own sanity. And life is so much better when I didnt have to worry about what he is doing. It took a moment, but every time I would get nervous about what he might be doing, I would just tell myself I no longer had to worry about that. I became so focus on figuring out everything about his affair that nothing else seemed to matter. I see a lot of this in you. You need to be aware of what this is doing to you. You deserve a life that is beyond checking in on your husband and trying to figure out his intentions..it will be hard, at first, but down the road, you will be so happy you made that choice. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted January 6, 2020 Share Posted January 6, 2020 1 hour ago, edith said: His birthday was fine - we went out to dinner and the kids had games so he seemed pretty satisfied. I was upset most of the time, no words from him about it. He wanted sex and I said no. He knew something was wrong then. Good for you Edith, good that he is wondering what is going on with you for a change. Keep denying him sex and he may get off the OW's trail and get on yours. He may start to wonder why YOU are in no need for sex. One thing about cheating MM they can't stand it if they think their wife is getting some too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted January 7, 2020 Share Posted January 7, 2020 You said he wanted sex and you said no - then he knew something was wrong. Did he ask you about what was wrong? Has he shown any concern toward you since his birthday? What is the interaction between you like? Is it a business-like atmosphere at your house? Does he flirt with you or pull you up to close to him to show affection? Is he protective and supportive of you? If you've had a bad day, does he comfort you? Does he tell you he loves you? Are there passionate kisses between you? I only ask because I've been thinking about your original question, which has ALWAYS been - does he love her? I have no idea the nature of your marital interactions and/or whether you feel very confident and secure in knowing that he truly loves you. Most would agree that his actions outside your marriage defy any indication of respect or love toward you, but if both of you are happy in your current marital arrangement, who am I to judge? Him seeking outside sex would indicate an issue with the marriage, but you seem to be able to pass that off as him not being able to be monogamous. Maybe that fits right in with your aversion to feminism. I don't know. I do wonder if he has only pursued her because she has not yet given him vaginal sex. Maybe if she gives him vaginal when they meet in January, THEN he'll be ready to let go of her. Is this the only woman you are aware of that has denied him vaginal sex? It makes sense that he would be relentlessly pursuing her for vaginal sex until he gets what he wants. Who knows? I hope you get some answers near the end of this month. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 I do not think any man would chase a woman for 10 years to get her into bed. Especially when he has other options. There must be some kind of bond between him and the OW. It seems to me that you are heavily in denial that the OW and your husband have an emotional connection. 10 years would suggest it is a pretty strong one. Poppy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 On 12/28/2019 at 7:42 PM, edith said: Just because he has been chasing her for sex for 10 years, does that necessarily mean he has feelings for her? He’s never even taken her out on a date. And assuming I married for money is ridiculous- neither one of us had any money when we got married! I’ve made this same point to Bailey before, but it appears to not have mattered. Tomorrow is his birthday. A part of me wonders if he contacted her on Thursday to establish contact to see if she will wish him happy birthday. He has been in a good mood lately but no communication between them since Thursday. I don’t know, I think there’s still a chance she’s just sex because he was very eager to agree that they should have one last goodbye, or something to that effect. I think he would have tried to talk her into more of an affair if she meant anything to him. edith, none of us can know what's in his mind. It sounds to me like you are going to keep going round and round with this, and that's not sustainable. Why not sit down with him and hash all this out. If it is you he really loves and you're okay with him getting some on the side, great. Let him know that, and it can ease your mind. If this is about more than him just sowing wild oats, then you'll find that out. Either way, at least you'll know where you stand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author edith Posted January 30, 2020 Author Share Posted January 30, 2020 They never got together! From the messages I saw, the last time they messaged was the day after Christmas, when he messaged her and she stopped replying. He was supposed to tell her when he booked a room in NYC on 1/22, so that she could book a room in the same hotel. He never reached out to her. And she never reached out to him. He isn’t talking to anyone else on the app he uses to message her, very different behavior from when he was sleeping with another OW a few months ago. He still checks her FB daily - but he’s not reaching out to her. This should make me happy, right? But I still have this nagging feeling that he didn’t pursue getting together because he knew that would be the last time they’d get together. So does this mean that he doesn’t want it to end? Or is he ending it by not reaching out to her? She hasn’t been a concern to me since last week, but his online behavior proves he still thinks about her. If they had such a strong bond, wouldn’t they have gotten together one last time? Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 I’ve been wondering how you are, Edith. Maybe he has decided there is no point to meeting her since she is leaving. My other thought (because I am naturally suspicious) is that he has some other means to contact her - another phone perhaps? I hope not. I hope you can rest easy in the assurance that he is done with her. I don’t understand why you tolerate his betrayal, but I guess you have accepted his philandering to a certain extent. I hope you have enough of a full life and involvement in other areas that you do not waste precious time worrying about this situation (though, as evidenced by your checking his social media daily, it does weigh on your mind.) Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted February 11, 2020 Share Posted February 11, 2020 I'm rather shocked that he hasn't caught on to your snooping yet. Are you literally going on to his phone and computer immediately after him and checking his histories? This is so sad! Link to post Share on other sites
Author edith Posted March 7, 2020 Author Share Posted March 7, 2020 (edited) About 2 weeks ago, my husband reached out to the woman again. They were supposed to meet in NY at the end of January, she was going to book a room at the same hotel where he’d be staying, and he was supposed to let her know which one so she could book it. He goes to NY overnight once a week. The date when they’d be supposed to meet comes and goes, he sends her nothing. She doesn’t ask. I’m checking this every day. Then 2 weeks ago, on a Monday night, he messages her his usual “Hey”. She replied a couple of hours later, saying “Jack, what’s wrong with us? Why can’t we move on? Do you know? Because I can’t figure it out. I don’t know about you, but I’m genuinely curious.” He writes back “Yes, as always. I think we are both very horny, haha”. She replied “Horny for each other for 12 years without ever having sex, that’s quite an accomplishment “ he says “It is.” Then she asks... “Why did you change your mind last time?” I see the time stamp and it took him 10 whole minutes to reply. It had been taking him one minute. Then he writes “I think I had to go to NY for work on that day” !!!!! I saw this the next day, she had read it 5 minutes later and she never replied. She completely dropped him! I saw that he checked their conversation obsessively that night, I saw it the next morning and he had actually checked it that morning at 5:47! My husband never wakes up early. But I am right - he forgot he was supposed to meet her in NY and decided to lie to her!! I almost passed out. I was so happy. If this doesn’t prove that she means nothing to him, I don’t know what does. He has been checking the messaging app multiple times a day - he’s not talking to anyone else on it, and every time I open it, it opens to their conversation because he checks when she was last online. He stills checks her FB. But he hasn’t reached out to her at all. Thoughts? Am I right in my assessment that he forgot they were supposed to meet in NY and that proves he feels nothing for her? Edited March 7, 2020 by edith Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 7, 2020 Share Posted March 7, 2020 Your assessment could indeed be correct, but it's hard to say. The whole thing seems weird to me. My guess is she will indeed be annoyed but will eventually come back for more breadcrumbs or whatever these two feed each other. If this has really been an ongoing EA for 12 years where they hint at sex but don't actually carry it out, my guess is they never will. They are just there to feed each others' egos and similar. I could of course be wrong but that what it seems like to me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author edith Posted March 7, 2020 Author Share Posted March 7, 2020 They’ve had oral sex 6 times, but no intercourse because she’s against it. And the dirty talk is nonstop when they’re together. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted March 8, 2020 Share Posted March 8, 2020 To me that's not an EA then, but as the spouse, you really are the one to decide what constitutes an EA/PA etc. I remember reading your thread a while back, Edith. I don't have specific advice for you as I recognize you feel there are specific barriers to leaving the marriage. Speaking for myself, I would have been gone LONG ago, but that's me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted March 8, 2020 Share Posted March 8, 2020 3 minutes ago, edith said: They’ve had oral sex 6 times, but no intercourse because she’s against it. Oh yea right cause having his dick in her mouth 6 times with all the cum running down her throat and dribbling over her lips still counts as being a lady but having his dick in her vagina would just be sinful! The horror! Link to post Share on other sites
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