vla1120 Posted December 7, 2020 Share Posted December 7, 2020 On 12/5/2020 at 1:06 PM, edith said: I have thought about where I stand with him nonstop since finally agreeing that he must have feelings for her. But that's the thing, Edith. You still don't know where you stand with him because you have never confronted him on this issue. You were always satisfied to let him get away with his "minor" indiscretions, as long as they did not jeopardize your hearth and home. You let him get away with it for so long, that's why you questioned so deeply whether this was a conquest that would disappear once he got his way, or did he really have feelings for her. You still don't know the answer to that question. Why do you refuse to confront him? You're ready to see a lawyer and make sure your business interests are covered, which is a good move, but you are acting as if your only relationship with your husband is a business relationship. Why don't you talk to HIM and ask HIM what this woman means to him? This is your MARRIAGE. What is the worst that could happen? (I would make sure your business interests are protected BEFORE you confront him, but I do think you SHOULD confront him.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Prudence V Posted December 15, 2020 Share Posted December 15, 2020 On 12/5/2020 at 6:06 PM, edith said: I feel hopeless that I can ever win him back completely. And I can’t help but think that he might actually try to make this woman leave her husband for him. That would destroy me. Edith, you don’t need to be a passenger in your own life, reacting to him and what he does. You can take control and exercise your own agency. If you fear what he might do, and what that might do to you - remove yourself from the situation where he / they / the situation has that power over you. It’s your life. You get to make the choices. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted December 16, 2020 Share Posted December 16, 2020 This is the week you were going to see the lawyer.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author edith Posted December 17, 2020 Author Share Posted December 17, 2020 Yes, I have gone to the lawyer. I would have to buy him out. I don’t think I could withstand running the business with him as if our divorce hadn’t happened. Those are my only two options if I want to keep the drama to a minimum. I expected this, but hearing it from a lawyer cemented it. I have been waffling and despairing at the same rate. I just have this overwhelming feeling that this is deepening for him. The other day, I noticed he was in a good mood and just had a feeling this was related to her. I was able to see something she posted, and she had posted a screenshot and captioned “Someone posted this in one of my groups and it got me thinking: It’s a good thing that we can never be together, because I would never sleep. I would never want to stop watching you sleep. I absolutely would stalk you 😂”. These are things she only posts for him, like songs. I can only see them because I physically have his phone when he’s outside doing something. Am I right to feel that she’s making it very clear that she’s serious about him? Later that day, I saw he had replied by seeing her story. He hasn’t contacted her. This gives me hope, but I still think he’s way too comfortable with how much she’s deepening this. It’s not about sex on her side, at least. That much I know. My mind is in a whirlwind every time I think about confronting him. I will, but I still think he will try to deny his feelings, which everyone says are obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted December 17, 2020 Share Posted December 17, 2020 If you feel there are three of you in this marriage, follow up with the lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted December 18, 2020 Share Posted December 18, 2020 Is buying him out an option for you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author edith Posted December 18, 2020 Author Share Posted December 18, 2020 No, it is not. Not right now. I’m not even sure how I could save the money. All I want is for her not to mean anything to him. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted December 18, 2020 Share Posted December 18, 2020 Given that your husband is committing adultery, surely a decent lawyer could wrangle a favorable deal where you don't need to buy him out in cash or all at once? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted December 18, 2020 Share Posted December 18, 2020 6 hours ago, edith said: No, it is not. Not right now. I’m not even sure how I could save the money. All I want is for her not to mean anything to him. Tell him. Link to post Share on other sites
Narie Posted December 18, 2020 Share Posted December 18, 2020 Dear Edith. Please be strong. It doesn't matter what he wants from her or OW he got - he doesn't respect you. He doesn't care about you because if he did, he wouldn't keep doing this for decades. And you know the saddest thing? Those women doesn't respect you as well. They are probably laughing at you for staying with him. They know he wants them. She know he wants her and wouldn't cut ties with her for you. Please go and leave him. Go in a place where you will not even see his shadow. Stop obsessing with the OW. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 10 hours ago, edith said: No, it is not. Not right now. I’m not even sure how I could save the money. All I want is for her not to mean anything to him. When you take the proof of his cheating to your lawyer he will make sure you have the money and more. That isn't an excuse Edith. You are long married with property and kids. You will get paid. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted December 19, 2020 Share Posted December 19, 2020 On 12/17/2020 at 7:21 AM, edith said: Am I right to feel that she’s making it very clear that she’s serious about him? We've answered this for you about 134,000 times so you know our answer. It no longer matters. What if you guys sold your home would you then have the money to leave? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted December 25, 2020 Share Posted December 25, 2020 Also could possibly take a loan pledging the business assets as collateral (for the buyout), or perhaps a business loan without pledging collateral (possibly requiring a personal guarantee). There are ways to make it happen. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted December 26, 2020 Share Posted December 26, 2020 On 12/18/2020 at 7:44 AM, edith said: No, it is not. Not right now. I’m not even sure how I could save the money. That’s assuming you plan to keep and run the business. My best friends father paid her mother for the business - she received money for the business, they split the assets in the home, he paid her spousal support, and in your case, he would owe you child support... my friends mother never worked another day in her life. Her husband also cheated on her. Just saying, there are ways to do this... you could seek the business and the home, downsize, find another job when you are ready... major life decisions but people do it every day because they have no other choice. Link to post Share on other sites
Prudence V Posted December 30, 2020 Share Posted December 30, 2020 On 12/18/2020 at 1:44 PM, edith said: All I want is for her not to mean anything to him. That is the one part of this you have zero control over. Magical thinking won’t help here. There are plenty of aspects you do have control over - those should be your focus, if you value your mental health. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author edith Posted April 28, 2021 Author Share Posted April 28, 2021 I had planned not to come back here, but this is too much. The other woman posted this to my husband only last week, and her husband has known about it all along. He’s stayed with her! My husband hasn’t communicated with her on Facebook since she posted this. No stories, no likes, nothing. I haven’t confronted him. He hasn’t been seeing anyone else. Things have been better, we just went on vacation. My family and I might have dodged this one. This is what she posted: “Do you want to hear something wild that I’ve never told you? My husband once consoled me when I told him about your latest antics. A couple of months after the last time we saw each other - this had to have been July 2013, if my memory serves me right - you texted me about working for you. Obviously, I had to say no because my husband knew about us; I had told him years earlier. You still worked at (Company’s Name) and he could have found out very easily if I had tried to pretend that you no longer worked there. When I found out that you had hired that blonde bimbo (I think it was sometime in September ) I was crushed. I actually had to be in the hospital for 5 days because I hadn’t eaten or slept for a week. My son had just started kindergarten, and I had just gotten promoted. I told my husband what you had done, and I’ll never forget what he said: “I know this is hard for you, but I really don’t care how much of a fit you throw; I’m not going to let you work for him. That will never happen.” He actually held me as I cried, he told me he understood, but that I had to make a choice and get over you. Yes, my husband was trying to console me, mainly because he understood how immature I was. That’s when I knew that I probably don’t deserve him. When you texted me again, in November, asking me if I wanted a job, I did not respond. I couldn’t do that to my husband, not to mention that it would have been a clear choice between staying married or working for you, and after what you did hiring that bimbo, you obviously couldn’t be trusted. I wasn’t going to put my marriage on the line because of my feelings for you anymore. I still feel the same way today. I like thinking about you, I’m flattered to know that you probably still think of me, but my husband is pretty incredible. And he loves me; you do not. I’m still attracted to you, but I’ve never learned how to actually forgive you for what you did. I think that’s why I’ve flaked on you since, and I have never pursued it when you’ve flaked on me. My feelings are irrelevant; it’s who you are and what you’ve done that matters. Now, I am moving away and I truly hope that a good helping of geographic barriers will help me to move on. A new address, a new life, hopefully new feelings. I’m not running away. There’s simply nothing worth staying for.” So this is how this story ends. She is selling her house this month, apparently. I wanted you guys to know the final outcome. Thank you so much for all of your advice over the years. Link to post Share on other sites
Alfano Posted April 28, 2021 Share Posted April 28, 2021 3 hours ago, edith said: So this is how this story ends. It's not the end of the story, only the chapter with her in it. He'll find a replacement soon enough, it's inevitable. He has no reason not to. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jspice Posted April 29, 2021 Share Posted April 29, 2021 5 hours ago, Alfano said: It's not the end of the story, only the chapter with her in it. He'll find a replacement soon enough, it's inevitable. He has no reason not to. She’s OK with that though. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alfano Posted April 29, 2021 Share Posted April 29, 2021 From what I've read and as I understand it she's definitely not ok with it hence her numerous posts on this forum. She's so consumed by fear of losing him that she's powerless to stop him. And he knows it. Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted April 29, 2021 Share Posted April 29, 2021 1 hour ago, Alfano said: From what I've read and as I understand it she's definitely not ok with it hence her numerous posts on this forum. She's so consumed by fear of losing him that she's powerless to stop him. And he knows it. Actually, he fills his life with his 'extra-curricular' activities. She fills her life with obsessive voyeurism of those activities and the addictive 'thrill' of emotional (brain chemical) rollar coaster stimulus it provides. Hope that doesn't come across as insensitive, but I think it's accurate. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Indigo Night Posted April 29, 2021 Share Posted April 29, 2021 8 hours ago, Alfano said: From what I've read and as I understand it she's definitely not ok with it hence her numerous posts on this forum. She's so consumed by fear of losing him that she's powerless to stop him. And he knows it. No, she is okay with it. She still has him, and now the OW is leaving, so as far as edith is concerned "she won". She hasn't confronted him, or tried to make the situation stop, for decades. Why start now?? IF the OW wrote that on FB, I wonder what makes edith believe "she's gone" because they've managed to fan the flames, for decades, by posting random pictures on her FB wall, according to ediths recounting of the situation. Couldn't she continue doing that from the other side of the globe? It seems a pretty simple thing for her to do. I am just surprised that the OW went through the trouble of laying her soul bare, and thought that by moving she could finally let him go. It really doesn't make much sense. Then again neither does Edith looking the other way for decades. Yet, this OW who didn't communicate with hubby in other ways, suddenly tells him everything. Okay..... The husband must have had it BAD for her, because I can't say that I know of any man who would have behaved like a lost puppy for decades unless he was being satisfied in some way by the woman. And the story continues... Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 29, 2021 Share Posted April 29, 2021 (edited) 11 hours ago, Alfano said: From what I've read and as I understand it she's definitely not ok with it hence her numerous posts on this forum. She put up with it for years. She is aware that he has sex with other women and she has no problem with that. It’s expected, because he is so good looking! She was upset because she thought this was more of an emotional attachment. What she is feeling in this moment is relief. Her husband will continue to have sex with other women but her family is intact. Dodged that bullet. Edited April 29, 2021 by BaileyB 6 Link to post Share on other sites
vla1120 Posted April 29, 2021 Share Posted April 29, 2021 12 hours ago, Alfano said: From what I've read and as I understand it she's definitely not ok with it hence her numerous posts on this forum. She's so consumed by fear of losing him that she's powerless to stop him. And he knows it. Edith's only concern from day one was whether or not her husband had feelings for this OW. He's had many indescretions throughout their marriage. She never felt threatened by the presence of any OW until this one. She'll continue to monitor his online activities to make sure this woman moved away and he is not liking her posts or trying to contact her. Edith must have been very happy to see this woman say she knows that her own husband loves her, and Edith's husband does not love her. I guess this is the life Edith has chosen for herself. Best of luck to her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
lana-banana Posted April 29, 2021 Share Posted April 29, 2021 22 hours ago, edith said: When I found out that you had hired that blonde bimbo (I think it was sometime in September ) Already onto the next, huh...? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author edith Posted April 29, 2021 Author Share Posted April 29, 2021 (edited) Lana - Quote She’s talking about the person he hired back in 2013 and how she hasn’t forgiven him to this day. [] Edited May 3, 2021 by a LoveShack.org Moderator civility Link to post Share on other sites
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