ironpony Posted September 5, 2022 Share Posted September 5, 2022 I was thinking of meeting them at Christmas but I am nervous that they will not like me because I am 16 years older than her and she is 22. So that is a worry of mine. But also, I am autistic and haven't lived fully on my own and need certain social assistance as well some care from my parents because of it, especially compared to her, and I find that to be embarrassing to tell her parents at my age as well. What do you think? Should I go in with a different attitude or perhaps take a certain approach in this situation? Thank you for advice on this. I really appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted September 6, 2022 Share Posted September 6, 2022 Have this talk with your gf. She loves you and loves her parents and she can give you tips. But basically relax. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 6, 2022 Share Posted September 6, 2022 Your girlfriend knows you and her parents better than we do. Have you told her how you feel? What is her advice? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted September 6, 2022 Share Posted September 6, 2022 Your girlfriend has to explain this to her parents and tell them she loves you and you're the one she wants to be with. Then meet them and be nice and polite. Nothing more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alvi Posted September 6, 2022 Share Posted September 6, 2022 Don't go empty handed. Maybe bring some food when you go meet them. Like a cake or a fruit plate or something similar. You can buy it from the store. Naturally, they are going to be curious about you. So, be prepared to answer some questions. Stay polite no matter what they say to you. But mostly, it is up to your GF to defend you if they get out of line. Find out from your GF about their interests or hobbies, so that you have something to talk to them about. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 6, 2022 Share Posted September 6, 2022 18 hours ago, ironpony said: need certain social assistance as well some care from my parents because of it, especially compared to her, and I find that to be embarrassing to tell her parents at my age as well. Are you invited to their home for dinner? When and where and under what circumstances are you meeting them? Or are you taking all of them to dinner or inviting them to your parents house? Do they know about you? Surely she has mentioned you, your age and that you need to live at home, no? Link to post Share on other sites
BrinnM Posted September 6, 2022 Share Posted September 6, 2022 I feel for you, meeting the parents is always nerve-wrecking, but like @Alvisaid, bring something! Even just a bouquet of flowers for the mom, and a bottle of wine for the dad. And as far as your living arrangements, and your health - your GF has probably already told them about some of it. It’s her job to prepare the parents, and to make everybody comfortable to some extent, because she’s the link between you guys. You could ask her beforehand how much and what exactly they know. And when you’re there, just don’t overthink, compliment the house, smile. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted September 6, 2022 Author Share Posted September 6, 2022 8 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: Are you invited to their home for dinner? When and where and under what circumstances are you meeting them? Or are you taking all of them to dinner or inviting them to your parents house? Do they know about you? Surely she has mentioned you, your age and that you need to live at home, no? Oh well I think she has just been hinting at it so far, such as saying things like she wish wasn't going home alone this Christmas, etc. She has mentioned me and I assume she told them those things, yeah. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 7, 2022 Share Posted September 7, 2022 So this is all based on assumptions and vague hints. How about finding out the answers? Ask her if she wants you to go. Ask her if her parents know about the things you struggle with and the age difference. Ask her how she thinks they will react to meeting you one day. There's no sense getting yourself worked up about something where you haven't found out the facts yet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted September 7, 2022 Author Share Posted September 7, 2022 50 minutes ago, basil67 said: So this is all based on assumptions and vague hints. How about finding out the answers? Ask her if she wants you to go. Ask her if her parents know about the things you struggle with and the age difference. Ask her how she thinks they will react to meeting you one day. There's no sense getting yourself worked up about something where you haven't found out the facts yet. Well I didn't ask because I am not sure if I am ready to meet them or at least intimidated. Should I form a game plan on that first, before I ask? Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 7, 2022 Share Posted September 7, 2022 (edited) If your girlfriend thinks you are someone she can bring home to her parents, which means you now have a chance to prove her right. Or, are you inviting yourself? I have a tendency myself to be nervous about meeting parents, but I have had good relationships with the parents, even to this day. Keep a cool head when you meet the parents, and try not to get too caught up in talking about her, or to try to communicate with them through her, especially because this is your very first time meeting the parents of their child. Ideally, you want to focus and talk to them regardless of how shy you may feel, because they only want to hear from you. A meeting like this is meant to give everyone an opportunity to get to know each other better. Don't be afraid to dress in a nice manner, be polite, and be helpful. Take advantage of the opportunity to the fullest extent possible. Your girlfriend gets to choose who she likes, but you do not get to choose who her parents like. Edited September 7, 2022 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 7, 2022 Share Posted September 7, 2022 1 hour ago, ironpony said: Well I didn't ask because I am not sure if I am ready to meet them or at least intimidated. Should I form a game plan on that first, before I ask? First up, don't say anything until next time she talks about Christmas without you. She may not talk about it again till next year and this means you're off the hook for this one. And no, you don't need a game plan. Your girlfriend is the one who needs to manage this. All you need to do is be your polite self if you meet them. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 7, 2022 Share Posted September 7, 2022 15 hours ago, ironpony said: I think she has just been hinting at it so far, such as saying things like she wish wasn't going home alone this Christmas, etc. . So there is no real plans to meet them? Ask her if they know about you, your age and that you need to live at home. It's that simple. If she is not actually inviting you to meet them, there's nothing to stress about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted September 11, 2022 Author Share Posted September 11, 2022 On 9/7/2022 at 3:42 AM, Wiseman2 said: So there is no real plans to meet them? Ask her if they know about you, your age and that you need to live at home. It's that simple. If she is not actually inviting you to meet them, there's nothing to stress about. Okay thanks. It turns out she is inviting me now. If her parents know those things about me already, what then? Or if they do not know all of them, should I ask her to tell them then? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 11, 2022 Share Posted September 11, 2022 1 hour ago, ironpony said: Okay thanks. It turns out she is inviting me now. If her parents know those things about me already, what then? Or if they do not know all of them, should I ask her to tell them then? As we are talking about your girlfriend's parents, these are issues you need to discuss with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ironpony Posted September 11, 2022 Author Share Posted September 11, 2022 That's true, but I was just wondering which one of those two approaches was best when talking to her about it Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted September 11, 2022 Share Posted September 11, 2022 Again, this is a decision your girlfriend should make. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 11, 2022 Share Posted September 11, 2022 3 hours ago, ironpony said: . It turns out she is inviting me now. How long have you been dating? Don't you think her parents know about you? Including the basics like your age, job and that you live at home? When, exactly, is this invitation for? Is it nearby? At her parents house? Her house? A restaurant? Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 As far as I know, there is only one man I know of who was very at ease when he was to meet his girlfriend's parents. Who was that? Prince William, HRH. When Kate Middleton brought him home to meet her parents, and his parents were the ones who were nervous to meet HIM! They said "Oh, Your Highness! You honor our home with your presence!" And he had to say to them "Oh no no no, I'm a prince but you don't have to bow and curtsey before me, I'm just a guy." But since you don't have said luxury of being a prince, like we all do, we all want to put our best foot forward when we are to meet our SO's parents. As to your particular fear (you're being 16 years older than her)? Well, we all have our certain issues, yours is the fact that you are older than her. But she knows them better than you do so if she accepts it then they can / will as well at some point. If they don't like you? Well, you can't have everything. But whatever you do, be courteous, look others in the eye, and put forth confidence. I had a few guys act horribly when they met my parents, but that showed me their true colors as well. It's intimidating, but you can do it. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 (edited) This is all on your GF not you. I'm sure she has already let them know quite a bit about you already, hence them wishing to meet you someday? to see for themselves what a nice son-in-law you would make. 🙂 Be positive! Edited September 13, 2022 by smackie9 Link to post Share on other sites
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