MickeyBill Posted September 6, 2022 Share Posted September 6, 2022 It seems like I am back in high school again (my 40th reunion is coming up) when it comes to meeting people. I have been divorced for about 12 years and in that time I had a couple long term relationships and some shorter less serious connections, I did some OL dating, don't do a lot of dating since before covid. I am in the PNW for a couple months working on a project for a couple months, I live in CA. I'm in a very nice small town with coffee shops, bistros and a good vibe. Wandering around the town I go into a nice shop with stuff to buy and the woman there is nice and chatty, telling me about things to do around here, where she rides her bike, etc. Turns out we both lived in the same CA town at different times. She's super nice. I leave and a few days later I walk past the shop and she waves me in, and we talk again (small store not many customers) she telling me she lives around the corner and does yoga over there, etc. I know her favorite coffee FFS. Third time I go in and buy a bday present for my sister and decide to ask her to meet for coffee, and we agree to meet Friday at a place she suggested. Friday rolls around and she sends me a "can't meet, my friends stopped by on the way to Vancouver" text I say ok, wanna reschedule? Crickets. Nothin' . Fine, she changed her mind but ghosting is just shitty. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 6, 2022 Share Posted September 6, 2022 (edited) 42 minutes ago, MickeyBill said: It seems like I am back in high school again (my 40th reunion is coming up) Sorry this happened. Unfortunately not every friendly encounter ends up in success as far as dating goes. However the good news is...go to your HS reunion fresh, reinvented, single (by now chances are many will be divorced also) and enjoy yourself! Edited September 6, 2022 by Wiseman2 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Johnjohnson2017 Posted September 6, 2022 Share Posted September 6, 2022 After she sent you that text, I would personnally just responded "Ok no problem". and then just let her contact you if she does really want to go out. By writing "wanna reschedule?", you kinda put her on the spot. Continue being friendly in person when you see her, but I wouldn;t text her unless she texted me first. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 6, 2022 Share Posted September 6, 2022 40 minutes ago, MickeyBill said: ghosting is just shitty. Aw. Yes, it is shitty. She may still be with her friends though. Friday was just a few days ago. Leave it alone and if you see her in person, keep things friendly and cordial. If she doesn’t address the coffee that didn’t work out she isn’t interested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MickeyBill Posted September 6, 2022 Author Share Posted September 6, 2022 (edited) I am used to OL dating and ghosting but just hoped that I was past that nonsense in real life. Just a but disappointed...Thanks for the pep talk! 90% chance I won't see her again unless I go to the store and that's creepy. Edited September 6, 2022 by MickeyBill new info 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Despin Posted September 6, 2022 Share Posted September 6, 2022 2 hours ago, Johnjohnson2017 said: After she sent you that text, I would personnally just responded "Ok no problem". and then just let her contact you if she does really want to go out. By writing "wanna reschedule?", you kinda put her on the spot. I don't see how asking if she wants to reschedule is putting pressure on her. It's exactly what I would have done. If he said nothing, someone would have almost definitely said "why didn't you ask her to reschedule". I'd find an excuse to swing by again and make some small talk with her and see where it goes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MickeyBill Posted September 6, 2022 Author Share Posted September 6, 2022 First contact shows interest in her, the second means that you are interested, third is a temporary restraining order Link to post Share on other sites
ChatroomHero Posted September 7, 2022 Share Posted September 7, 2022 18 hours ago, MickeyBill said: I am used to OL dating and ghosting but just hoped that I was past that nonsense in real life. Just a but disappointed...Thanks for the pep talk! 90% chance I won't see her again unless I go to the store and that's creepy. If she is older like you, she might be...older, like you. Maybe instant communication isn't a huge thing for her. I sometimes take a while or even forget to respond because I get a message and I am really busy for a day or two. Like I might see the message, think I need to respond when I have a minute, then find I am with friends, go to some event, go to the bar, go somewhere else, wake up the next day and it's like crap, I have to get the 50 things done...then I finish those things and remember I need to run to the store...then I get back and my brother calls me for an hour... You find it's a few days later and forgot to respond. Sometimes it's like going back to when we were younger and you'd call someone and leave a message and they would call you back a day or two later and you weren't home and they'd leave a message. You wouldn't connect for a few days and it was no big deal. Now, you get a text and if you don't respond within 1/2 a day, people take it as an insult almost. Really the ball is in her court but I don't see a problem if you wait a few days and send something like, "I'll be in your area next wednesday, would you like to meet for coffee?" and leave it there. She will respond and agree or make a time or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 7, 2022 Share Posted September 7, 2022 19 hours ago, MickeyBill said: I am in the PNW for a couple months working on a project for a couple months, I live in CA. If you mentioned this, she views you as a tourist looking for local hookups/action. So while it was a fun flirtation something like this never goes anywhere. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Johnjohnson2017 Posted September 7, 2022 Share Posted September 7, 2022 16 hours ago, Despin said: I don't see how asking if she wants to reschedule is putting pressure on her. It's exactly what I would have done. If he said nothing, someone would have almost definitely said "why didn't you ask her to reschedule". I'd find an excuse to swing by again and make some small talk with her and see where it goes. If she was really interested, she would have said "I can't make it today I have friends over. Maybe we can reschedule it for next week?". Instead, she just said that she can't make it. In my opinion, it's her way of telling you that she is not interested in you that way. She's the one canceling the date. She's the one that should suggest rescheduling. She didn't want to outright tell you "no", that's why now she is now ghosting. That's just my opinion but I could be wrong. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 7, 2022 Share Posted September 7, 2022 So my take on it is that she had second thoughts. It's possible she at first didn't think it as a "date" but late went "oh it's a date". Oh well it is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MickeyBill Posted September 7, 2022 Author Share Posted September 7, 2022 All good points. Thanks for the input. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MickeyBill Posted September 7, 2022 Author Share Posted September 7, 2022 5 hours ago, smackie9 said: So my take on it is that she had second thoughts. It's possible she at first didn't think it as a "date" but late went "oh it's a date". Oh well it is what it is. HaHa...Oops!!🙄 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MickeyBill Posted September 9, 2022 Author Share Posted September 9, 2022 Ok. Update. Last night she texts to suggest meeting for lunch today and would get back to me on what time would work. So when it's getting to be "late lunch" time I text her and she says "I already had lunch thanks" I guess this has run it's course. A very short course... Link to post Share on other sites
Despin Posted September 9, 2022 Share Posted September 9, 2022 That text merits a response. I'd say "Help me understand. You invited me to lunch, then when I text you to confirm the time you say you already had lunch. Whats up with that?". If nothing else just to satisfy my curiosity 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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