proudfather010691 Posted September 9, 2022 Share Posted September 9, 2022 I am 38 years old and have four daughters. I had met my ex-wife while we were in college and were married for 10 years right after graduation. We have triplet girls age 12 and a 9 year old daughter. We got divorced 6 years ago because she got addicted into substance abuse and keeps going in and out of rehab. She hasn't been there for the kids.After I got remarried, under her care, she was negligent on several occasions with the kids. I got remarried 4 years ago. My second wife was my high school sweetheart and we had dated towards the end of middle school and broke up after high school graduation.. She has two kids from her previous marriage and they live with us. . My daughters love her. My daughters call her mom over my ex-wife, We ended up with permanent custody of my daughters, then eventually my ex-wife agreed to sign away her parental rights, and my wife asked me if she could legally adopt my girls and I have no issue with it. I love this woman. I was devastated when we broke up before I went off to college. She would love for us to be a complete family. How do my wife and myself approach this to my daughters regarding adoption? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 9, 2022 Share Posted September 9, 2022 42 minutes ago, proudfather010691 said: How do my wife and myself approach this to my daughters regarding adoption? You said your daughters love your new wife. Are they close to their mother? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 9, 2022 Share Posted September 9, 2022 52 minutes ago, proudfather010691 said: How do my wife and myself approach this to my daughters regarding adoption? Attorneys specializing in this. Link to post Share on other sites
ASG Posted September 12, 2022 Share Posted September 12, 2022 On 9/9/2022 at 3:33 PM, Wiseman2 said: Attorneys specializing in this. Attorneys to speak with the daughters??? OP is not asking about legal advice on how to do it, just how to bring it up to the kids!!! OP, I'd say just openly talk about it. Something like "you know how much wife loves you, she was thinking that it would be a great idea to make it official and legally adopt you girls. What do you think?" And give them time and space to process it. Also, be prepared for a no, and don't try to force the issue, if a no does happen! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 12, 2022 Share Posted September 12, 2022 On 9/9/2022 at 9:40 AM, proudfather010691 said: my ex-wife agreed to sign away her parental rights, and my wife asked me if she could legally adopt my girls and I have no issue with it. I love this woman. Yes before you involve children in a sensitive emotional conversation speak with an attorney to see about costs, timelines and feasibility. There's no point pulling them aside for this technical, legal discussion until you have dates, facts and correct info to provide them . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author proudfather010691 Posted September 13, 2022 Author Share Posted September 13, 2022 On 9/9/2022 at 10:23 AM, stillafool said: You said your daughters love your new wife. Are they close to their mother? My ex-wife hasn’t tried to make contact in 15 months. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 7 minutes ago, proudfather010691 said: My ex-wife hasn’t tried to make contact in 15 months. I see. Well since they love your new wife I would do as others have said and sat them down and talk to them about it. I bet they will be happy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AdvisorDJ Posted September 27, 2022 Share Posted September 27, 2022 Simple answer, ask them a few questions. How this happens can matter, but not that much. So you alone could ask your daughters. First, acknowledge that they call as if she is their mother. Tell them you appreciate how they have accepted her. Then see how they respond. If they basically say they love her, you can ask if they would like to make it official and legal. If they say yes, honestly, I would then send them to ask her, she will be crushed with happiness. There is little better in life than to earn the love of a child. Or you could have your wife tell them she appreciates how they accept her, and I would start this without you there. And go from there. I once knew a woman who was born when her mother had an affair and only learned that when in high school. At some point, she met and began a relationship with her biological father, and the man who had raised her (her mother's ex at that time) began to pull away, but this young woman went to him and told this man that he was always going to be her Dad even though someone else may be her father. Children know those upon whom they can count and who love them. If one of your daughters says No, leave the option open, but for now, seek for it to be all or none. Link to post Share on other sites
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