How often should we message after and between dates?

[its_me_123]

Hi,

I went on a date with a woman recently and we have been texting every day since and text probably every hour or so. Is this  a good thing or is it too much? We get on well and have planned a second date and I enjoy messaging each other, but don't want to crowd her out even though she always replies when she can.

Any suggestions?

[Despin]

Way too much you're going to burn each other out.

 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, its_me_123 said:

I went on a date with a woman recently and we have been texting every day since and text probably every hour or so. Is this  a good thing or is it too much?

Too much. Scale way back on this. Text-tethering is creepy and does not build rapport. Of course communicate appropriately between dates in a volley like fashion, but tone it down.

[smackie9]

Just follow her lead....then it's not too much. 

[Lotsgoingon]

Every hour ... no, too much ... the problem is you can have a blast texting, a total blast and unfortunately texting is low-investment (you're just talking), so the investment doesn't mean anything for real commitment or interest--even interest for the next date.

There are ways to text that are more authentic than others ... Again, the problem with texting is that its so addictive ... it pulls you in ... and people perform. People write witty messages and the other person reads them and responds in kind. But you're half-hiding when texting. 

If you wanna break it up, at some point just write something like, "I'd love to tell you more about this. But I really prefer to do it in person." This points the person back to meeting in person.

I work with young people 18 to 23, and I know them from their stories, and they'll text for days with someone just to procrastinate school work. Of they'll text in the most witty way ... and really they're depressed. You see the problem? 

 

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, its_me_123 said:

I went on a date with a woman recently and we have been texting every day since and text probably every hour or so.

Do you want a textationship? Texting is not dating. Texting this much indicates boredom and no life.

You need to move this from the way too long way too much pre-meeting chitchat into a real life dating situation.

[Ami1uwant]

9 hours ago, its_me_123 said:

Hi,

I went on a date with a woman recently and we have been texting every day since and text probably every hour or so. Is this  a good thing or is it too much? We get on well and have planned a second date and I enjoy messaging each other, but don't want to crowd her out even though she always replies when she can.

Any suggestions?

After your first date…

 

step 1 ask about the second date

step 2 depending on when it will e set for. Was in made then or did she say, I need to check her work schedule.

step 3  once done , the only testing/ talking should be about meet up logistics.

 

youare talking too much and won’t have anything to talk about on date 2… that means date 2 needs to be an activity based date where youare sering things to talk about ( museum, farmers market, people watching) based on what’s going on around you.

 

if there is no conversation it’s toast

 

[Alpacalia]

A high level of texting can be indicative of boredom and inactivity. 

Calling is much better if you want to stay in touch in between dates.

In my experience, if I see someone texting constantly, whether by phone or on social media, posts, etc., then that is a sign. 

Edited September 10, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Gaeta]

Realistically it's not viable. It also distract you from your work, that's too much texting at work.

I suggest you say hello in morning, exchange a few words, then tell her to have a nice day and you'll 'talk later'. Get back to her after your work. 

Concentrate on finding fun date to invite her to. Also try calling instead of texting and keep it short. Keep your conversation for face to face time.

[Weezy1973]

6 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Just follow her lead....then it's not too much. 

Or she should follow his lead. 

[introverted1]

19 hours ago, its_me_123 said:

text probably every hour

How old are you both?

This would be way too much for most adult women who have a job, family, friends, etc.  Texting is not dating and all that contact just creates a false sense of intimacy.  It's way too early for daily "good morning" and "good night" texts. Plus, these are boring as hell.

19 hours ago, its_me_123 said:

she always replies when she can.

Can you elaborate here?  It sounds as though you are the one initiating these hourly texts and she is going along to be polite.  If so:  back off.  Nothing good will come of making her feel pressured to respond to you.

Dating is an in-person activity. 

[smackie9]

7 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Or she should follow his lead. 

He’s worried he’s over doing it, he’s the one that keeps initiating the text messages. He could pull back and let her initiate to keep things at a healthy balance. An over eager guy is a turn off. Best to maybe not follow but get a feel for their desired level of contact. 

[Weezy1973]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

 An over eager guy is a turn off.

This is relative though. What I’m suggesting is when attraction is mutual, the “eagerness” will be about equal. 

[glows]

22 hours ago, its_me_123 said:

Hi,

I went on a date with a woman recently and we have been texting every day since and text probably every hour or so. Is this  a good thing or is it too much? We get on well and have planned a second date and I enjoy messaging each other, but don't want to crowd her out even though she always replies when she can.

Any suggestions?

Now that there’s a tempo to the texting it would appear strange to stop or decrease the frequency of texts all of a sudden.

I have to ask - why are you both texting so often? Is it excitement or nervousness? Are you fresh out of a previous relationship? Is there a large distance between the two of you or is this long distance? 

I suggest you pick up the phone if she’s initiating these texts the next time or ask if she’d be available to talk instead of texting. Mention briefly exactly what you said here and hope you both haven’t been crowding one another. If you are the one feeling it’s too much, don’t say that. Just tell her you’re a bit busy for the day and would love to catch up in person. When is the second date?

[ShyViolet]

Texting every hour, every day is way too much and is a turn-off.  It's not emotionally healthy behavior.  As others have already said here, texting is NOT dating.

[BaileyB]

After the first date, the only time we texted was to set up the second date.