Bad scene and storming out at cousin's bridal shower, who is in the wrong?

[BluePink123]

My mom and family have been on the outs this year with my aunt. My mom calls her and they talk 10 min maybe and then my aunt says she has to run and I'll call you back and then doesn't. 

So we haven't really talked to her that much this summer. They have a pool and we always spend weekends in the summer there my whole life. This summer she never texted me to come. 

I was traveling a lot but there were some weekends free. I just didn't hear from her so thought she was busy. I know I could have texted her but she never once invited me . It's her house and pool. She never texted me to see how any of my trips were either which I found rude. 

They had a labor day bbq but didn't invite us. She thought we went to my other cousin's house. Every year we usually go one day to their BBQ and the other to my cousin's. 

However every party/BBQ she always texts me, she texted me for the 4th letting me know they're having it/when it is. 

Today she brought it up at my cousin's shower that she had a BBQ party. 

Friends and family were all there at her BBQ however we weren't because she never invited us. We had no idea she was hosting anything because we weren't told. 

She said it was a misunderstanding and she was saying we should have texted her. Anyway my mom was really mad ignored my aunt and just said bye and left. Who's right here? 

Edited September 11, 2022 by BluePink123

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, BluePink123 said:

Friends and family were all there at her BBQ however we weren't because she never invited us. . Anyway my mom was really mad ignored my aunt and just said bye and left.  

Sorry this happened. No one "has to" invite you anywhere. Try not to let family feuds ruin your life or become a legacy your (rude) mother passes on.

Bury the hatchet. Live and let live. Pick your battles.

 

[BluePink123]

6 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. No one "has to" invite you anywhere. Try not to let family feuds ruin your life or become a legacy your (rude) mother passes on.

Bury the hatchet. Live and let live. Pick your battles.

 

She had everybody but us. She is acting like it was no big deal and just assumed we went to our cousins BBQ. 

You can't assume we had other plans. You extend the invite and it's up to us to decide. 

 

 

[BluePink123]

11 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry this happened. No one "has to" invite you anywhere. Try not to let family feuds ruin your life or become a legacy your (rude) mother passes on.

Bury the hatchet. Live and let live. Pick your battles.

 

My mom wasn't rude. They completely slighted us for no reason. You invite people to things and they make the decision if they can make it. We had no idea she was having a party 

[Wiseman2]

2 minutes ago, BluePink123 said:

. She is acting like it was no big deal and just assumed we went to our cousins BBQ.

Because it's not a big deal. Since when is anyone obligated to invite anyone? It's unfortunate your mother made a scene about it.

Maybe family parties are not the right thing for you. Next time just plan stuff with your friends or BF and relax. 

[BluePink123]

Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Because it's not a big deal. Since when is anyone obligated to invite anyone? It's unfortunate your mother made a scene about it.

Maybe family parties are not the right thing for you. Next time just plan stuff with your friends or BF and relax. 

Of course it is, she tells us every holiday when she is having her BBQ. 

She told us when she had a party for the 4th. She's my mom's sister-in-law. We're the closest family they have. This was really rude. 

There was no reason not to text us to tell us she's having a party. I don't think you fully understand the situation. 

They always invite us, this time they just ASSUMED we had other plans so they didn't even mention their party. makes zero sense. 

What should we have done been like oh okay that's right just not invite us because you think we're busy. 

She didn't invite another cousin to this shower because they thought she was too sick to come, well turns out she could have and now she wasn't there for no reason. 

[basil67]

Given there's bad blood between your mom and your aunt, it sounds like she didn't invite your family because she didn't want you all at the party.   Yes, she gave an excuse about thinking that you were all busy, but I reckon that would have been a deflection so that the issue didn't turn into a fight.  How did it come about that your aunt was having to explain why she didn't invite you?   As you say, it's her house and pool, therefore her decision.  She should never have been put in the position of having to explain.   

You say in your title that there was a bad scene and storming out of your cousins bridal shower.  Holy Cow - that's bad!  Who stormed out?   

 

Edited September 11, 2022 by basil67

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, BluePink123 said:

She said it was a misunderstanding and she was saying we should have texted her. Anyway my mom was really mad ignored my aunt and just said bye and left. Who's right here? 

Neither. 

Your aunt was wrong for bringing this up at your cousin's bridal  shower, and your mom was wrong for storming out of the bridal shower. They should have both kept the focus on celebrating your cousin's special day and left their problems with each other for another time. 

This day was supposed to be about your cousin. Not their drama. I hope they both apologize to her for that, because they both behaved inapprorpirately here. 

Edited September 11, 2022 by ExpatInItaly

[ShyViolet]

It doesn't matter who was "right".  Neither one was.

It sounds like there must have been some reason you don't know about that your aunt stopped inviting you and your Mom to gatherings.  I don't believe someone would just do that out of the blue for no reason.  Maybe there's more to the story, maybe something happened between her and your Mom.  You might never know the reason, and there's no point in fighting with your Aunt about it now.  If she doesn't want to invite you to parties anymore, then just forget about her and let it go.  It's her choice who to invite.  You can feel that it's rude, but you have no control over it.  So just let it go and move on.  Don't expect invites from her anymore.

[Alpacalia]

It seems to me that it is often your aunt who is usually inviting and hosting people over for a barbecue, but why is that?

Can you remember a time when you or your mother invited her to something special?

In your aunt's shoes I might feel that I am typically the one extending the offer and doing the inviting. Possibly you could offer to take your aunt out to dinner and do something nice to make her feel special.

What if you had called your aunt just to see how she is doing? Do you remember the last time you did that? It is unknown whether she is peeved by that, but this might be something worth taking into consideration.

Edited September 11, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Lisa]

Thread closed at OP's request