Depressed Girlfriend Ended 4 Year Relationship :

[MarkV]

Hi everyone

I have had a very difficult week as last Sunday my girlfriend of 4 years ended our relationship. Our relationship has been two half’s. The first two years were filled with love,laughter and everything a great relationship is built on.

Two years ago one of her friends took his own life just before lockdown and this affected her greatly and I’ve never seen anyone in so much pain. She was learning to deal with the loss and I supported her endlessly with love whilst placing my own relationship needs behind. She slipped into depression and had to have EMDR therapy to help her.

In April of this year she had to have an urgent operation to have a stent placed in her vein which since then has severely affected her body physically and her mind mentally in a private female way as she is on blood thinners for a year. She has anxiety about leaving the house,is body conscious and doesn’t want to be around large groups. Since April I have attended everything without her (bdays,christenings,social gatherings etc). This makes her feel sad as she just can’t bring herself to leave her house (we don’t live together btw).

In the last two months she started saying how she’s a burden to me,I deserve to be happy etc,she dragging me down etc. All comments of low self worth. I constantly reassured her and told her I love her and will stand by her but when she has a low day she will say she is frustrated that we don’t live together or have a family yet!! I’m not even thinking about that at the minute based on the way things are but she doesn’t see it like that. I’ve supported so much but I feel like that’s not enough and I feel a bit let down and defeated as I’m a very supportive,loving partner to her. I’ve read so much about how to support a partner with depression to give myself a better understanding of what she is going through. 

So on Sunday she called and said she can’t hold me back anymore,she loves me so much but feels pressure to be a GF (even though I’ve never pressured her to do anything). She was crying and said she feels so empty and tired all the time (probably from the constant blood loss and antidepressants too).

So where do I go from here. We haven’t spoken in 6 days and we’ve never not spoken. It’s just the last month where she has really gone downhill. I’ve asked her family and friends to keep a close eye on her.

I just love her so much but feel exhausted of ideas on what to do.

Thank you for reading my post. It really means a lot xx

[Alpacalia]

I am sorry to hear you are going through this.

Sadly, there isn't much you can do about it.

Managing your own health whilst also considering her health is one of the trickiest parts of the whole situation.

It is best to treat it like a break-up. For her health and readiness to contribute, it is best to step away for now.

[FMW]

You're in a very difficult situation, and it sounds like you've done everything you could for the last two years.  Unfortunately no matter how much you love her you can't help her with everything, and specifically with this.  Mental health issues, and in this case combined with physical issues, can be overwhelming and leave someone with very little to give to someone else.  She was honest with you and expressed the additional pressure that she felt - through no fault of yours - to be a good girlfriend.  

There's nothing else you can do for her right now, you will need to adjust to letting others be the ones keeping an eye on her and letting others be there if she needs help.  I'm sure that's very difficult and painful for you, but all you can do now is take care of yourself.  And to do that you will have to work on letting go of being an active and involved part of her life.  

Focusing on things that make you feel alive and happy is important right now to help you regain balance.  Adjusting your mind set will take a little time, but it's important you learn to let go and move forward.  

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, dv123 said:

I just love her so much but feel exhausted of ideas on what to do.

That's how you know you've reached the point where you can't do anything more. 

You can be the most supportive and loving partner in the world, but if someone wants out, all you can do is respect that choice and let them go. It's very hard when you love the person and don't want to walk away, I know. However, when you're not presented with another option any longer, there is nothing else to do but understand that they just don't want to continue. 

Lean on your family and friends now. You will get through this. 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, dv123 said:

So on Sunday she called and said she can’t hold me back anymore,she loves me so much but feels pressure to be a GF.  She was crying and said she feels so empty and tired all the time (probably from the constant blood loss and antidepressants too).

So where do I go from here. We haven’t spoken in 6 days and we’ve never not spoken. It’s just the last month where she has really gone downhill. I’ve asked her family and friends to keep a close eye on her.

Sorry this is happening and you did the right thing asking her friends and family to take care of her. She is too unstable for a relationship and you need to let go and move on:

Is this the same woman?: