My gf (now ex gf) didn't believe my proposal was real and broke up

[Jakeissorry]

First of all I want to say that I regret living my life as a prankster in the past. I used to play pranks on everyone (including my family members) and on her too. Well 2 years ago, out of the many pranks I've played on her was a surprise marriage proposal prank with a fake, cheap ring. I know you'll probably going to say I'm the one of the most horrible person ever. 

She really got hurt, we almost broke up and that was the end of my pranking days. I haven't played another prank ever since. I told her that the 2nd time will be for real and have been trying to make it up to her since. Well yesterday it was for real but she didn't believe me. She got upset, said it's over for pranking about it again and didn't let me explain it was real. She got in her car and drove away. I couldn't catch up to her. I can't even call her. She unfriended and blocked me. The only way for me to talk to her is to go to her house.

I'm really sorry for what I did before in the past. Will I win her back? I can show her it's for real this time. Any suggestions? 

Edited September 12, 2022 by Jakeissorry

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, Jakeissorry said:

First of all I want to say that I regret living my life as a prankster in the past. I used to play pranks on everyone (including my family members) and on her too. Well 2 years ago, out of the many pranks I've played on her was a surprise marriage proposal prank with a fake, cheap ring. I know you'll probably going to say I'm the one of the most horrible person ever. 

She really got hurt, we almost broke up and that was the end of my pranking days. I haven't played another prank ever since. I told her that the 2nd time will be for real and have been trying to make it up to her since. Well yesterday it was for real but she didn't believe me. She got upset, said it's over for pranking about it again and didn't let me explain it was real. She got in her car and drove away. I couldn't catch up to her. I can't even call her. She unfriended and blocked me. The only way for me to talk to her is to go to her house.

I'm really sorry for what I did before in the past. Will I win her back? I can show her it's for real this time. Any suggestions? 

Prankster?

Do you pretend you're a different person under a different user account?

Someone did that here once.

Sounds like you have too much free time on your hands.

No, she's not going to give you a second chance. 

It shows you're too immature to be in a relationship with anyone.

Learn from this. It’s never ok or going to make someone like you to act this way.

 

 

[Jakeissorry]

Just a quick heads up on the issue:
She was talking to our mutual friend and her sister. I told them about the issue and took pictures of the ring and receipt. I told them to rely the message that I love her very much and sorry for hurting her in the past, that it would mean a lot if we can talk even if it's for a bit.

I was going to go to her house but I don't want to sound like a stalker nor get her further upset. I know this would work in Hollywood movies but the last thing I want is scaring her. I want to make her happy and feel secure with me.

She had to see the ring and receipt in order for her to know it's real. She's coming over tomorrow but has a lot to say. I'm prepared for whatever her reply is.

[Despin]

Something tells me she isn't ready for marriage and it has nothing whatsoever to do with your pranking history.

 

[basil67]

It sounds like she tried to forgive you for the prank, but when you actually proposed, all that disappointment in you resurfaced.

[ShyViolet]

When you have a long history of acting like an immature fool, there are consequences.  And these are the consequences for your past actions.  Whatever her decision is, you need to accept it.  And no, it would not be appropriate for you to go to her house.  It sounds like you still have a lot of growing up to do.  Maybe you aren't ready for marriage yourself.

[Alpacalia]

I don't know, OP.

Orchestrating a fake marriage proposal sounds extreme.

If only a whoopee cushion had been available.🤷‍♀️

Good-luck tomorrow.

Let us know how it goes!

Edited September 13, 2022 by Alpacalia

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't see this going well, OP. 

It sounds like the past still bothers her a lot, and maybe there are other issues as well. She doesn't appear to be enthusiastic about this so I would brace yourself for not hearing the answer you're hoping for. 

[Will am I]

Wishing you luck. 
 

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

Understand that something inside of her snapped. And if it was one of those moments where all the stars of past hurt aligned, then the split-second decision to leave can be remarkably final.

[Wiseman2]

9 hours ago, Jakeissorry said:

 She's coming over tomorrow but has a lot to say. I'm prepared for whatever her reply is.

That's good because it may be a breakup talk. Grand gestures rarely work. If you need third parties to communicate through and documentation and proof of your sincerity, this is not going very well. 

Be prepared to step back. You'll need a lot more than receipts to gain back trust after making a mockery of marriage and proposals and her feelings.

 

[Jakeissorry]

Good evening,

It's been a very long day today and while all is not lost, she couldn't accept the proposal yet. She admitted to overreacting on her part but really thought I was going to hurt her again like last time, had flashbacks and left. Finding out it was a real proposal and seeing the proof was the only reason she came back. 

She's putting things on hold at this moment, wants me to keep the ring and ask again in a year from now. She'll make a final decision by then. If she's ready sooner, she'll tell me to ask again but for the meantime only refer to her as my gf. 

She can't accept it now due to my past pranking history and carefree atittude. She pointed out that a month before the hurtful proposal prank that made her feel insecured in the relationship, I've made jokes about having Covid too (faking coughing) and acted inconsiderate towards others, had a history of sometimes being late to our dates, sometimes delay on paying some bills and doing things at the last minute even when I had enough time. Meanwhile I've stopped doing pranks and improving, she said I need to change more before she considers marriage. I admit, I was unpunctual with my last bill last month. Lastly, she doesn't really care about the ring nor the cost but thought my proposal was lame and it lacked creativity and enthusiasm, as if I wasn't even trying. She couldn't understand why I was creative with the fake proposal but couldn't do the same with the real proposal, put more effort into it.

Edited September 14, 2022 by Jakeissorry

[Alpacalia]

I think marriage or the type of proposal is the least of concerns.

It doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. She has lost faith in you.  I don't blame her one bit.

Marriage would be the furthest thing from my mind. Not the ring, not the type of proposal but whether or not you're the right partner for her.

Good luck.

I hope that it works out.

 

Edited September 14, 2022 by Alpacalia

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Jakeissorry said:

She couldn't understand why I was creative with the fake proposal but couldn't do the same with the real proposal, put more effort into it.

This is quite understandable.

[Jakeissorry]

I know I have a lot to work on but I'm willing and ready to make those change, not just for her but for myself. I want to leave this carefree, irresponsible life in the past and become a better self. 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Jakeissorry said:

. I want to leave this carefree, irresponsible life in the past and become a better self. 

The best thing you can do is get a full time job, your own place and and take care of yourself and your life. That means getting good credit, being responsible and reliable.

It's not even about her. Sooner or later you'll need your own place, car, phone, and have to be able to pay for all that.

At this time, don't bother with rings or proposals. Focus on getting your life in order. You're in no position to marry if you live at home like a teen.

[Alpacalia]

19 hours ago, Jakeissorry said:

I know I have a lot to work on but I'm willing and ready to make those change, not just for her but for myself. I want to leave this carefree, irresponsible life in the past and become a better self. 

Okay. 

Let the dust settle for a while.

Your second proposal stirred up old feelings. Coupled with the the history of pranks in the relationship, she wasn't receptive to the second proposal and didn't respond well.

Take the time to settle your affairs and hopefully, when the time comes, all of this will be a distant memory.

Edited September 15, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Jakeissorry]

I'm back and exhausted now. It was a very long day at work today. I actually have a full time job (supervisor to be exact) and it was only yesterday that I decided to call in sick to fix the issue with my gf. Honestly, I have no issues at work and that's an irony my gf has a hard time understanding. She couldn't understand why I'm a different person in my job than in the relationship and outside of work, why so dedicated and serious in the job but different at home, why I'm not late nor forgetful at work but late on our dates and others things.

I actually have no financial issues and can actually support myself. Hence why I was still able to pay my delayed home bills, buy several shoes,order delivery and still had money for the ring. As to whether I still live with my parents, no I don't but we're only 5-10 minutes away. We live on the same street, same parking lot (shared the same cars too) but different apartment complexes. 

In regards to my housing situation, to make a long story short, I'm living in what used to be late maternal grandpa's house. My mother is also an only child and he included both her and me on his will. However, my mother instead gave it to me so I am the owner. That is my own place since I was 21 and it's only been yesterday since I started organizing the house. My part time job (actually it's more like a hobby for the meanwhile since I don't have a fixed schedule) is actually my father's family business shop, which he wants me to eventually run it one day. 

[Alpacalia]

Having thoughts about doing stupid things is a part of being human.

It's not necessary to highlight a friend's decency to you as though it's a positive attribute, rather it's just the bare minimum for social interaction, right? 

It seemed that the fake marriage proposal was designed to embarrass your girlfriend and humiliate her. As if to say, "Yeah, yeah, my boyfriend likes to set turtles on their backs, but he never pushes ME over!"

If pranks are played in good fun and lead to laughter, and no harm is caused (physically or emotionally), that's one thing. Your girlfriend was very much harmed. It's certain that part of you knew that your girlfriend wouldn't appreciate the "prank" you pulled on her, but you nonetheless did it anyway. Perhaps you need to take a step back and reflect on what was happening in your relationship at the time.

Love is patient; love is kind, not a prank on your girlfriend for the sake of a good time.

[Jakeissorry]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

It seemed that the fake marriage proposal was designed to embarrass your girlfriend and humiliate her. As if to say, "Yeah, yeah, my boyfriend likes to set turtles on their backs, but he never pushes ME over!"

If pranks are played in good fun and lead to laughter, and no harm is caused (physically or emotionally), that's one thing. Your girlfriend was very much harmed. It's certain that part of you knew that your girlfriend wouldn't appreciate the "prank" you pulled on her, but you nonetheless did it anyway. Perhaps you need to take a step back and reflect on what was happening in your relationship at the time.

Love is patient; love is kind, not a prank on your girlfriend for the sake of a good time.

When I played that prank, I was actually expecting her reaction to be exactly like the proposal prank videos on youtube. The girl on those video would be slightly annoyed and a bit upset but calmer after the guy said he would propose for real the 2nd time and that he still wanted to get married one day but later on. Then sometimes the girl on the video would sarcastically say something like ''Oh you're such a jerk. I'll get you back for this'' (meaning she'll prank him back) and the video would reached tons of subcribers and fame. 

That's definitely not the reaction my gf had. She was crying so much, was very heartbroken and she nearly broke up that day. I didn't expect that. I thought the videos were how many people react in real life. I was wrong. 

[basil67]

Unless the two of you had a history of pulling pranks on each other and were laughingly escalating those pranks, that YouTube scenario was never going to happen.  And also consider that it could well have been fake and created just to attract viewers and likes.  

Filling someone with joy and then pulling the rug out from under them is nothing short of cruel. 

Edited September 17, 2022 by basil67
punctuation

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, Jakeissorry said:

When I played that prank, I was actually expecting her reaction to be exactly like the proposal prank videos on youtube. The girl on those video would be slightly annoyed and a bit upset but calmer after the guy said he would propose for real the 2nd time and that he still wanted to get married one day but later on. Then sometimes the girl on the video would sarcastically say something like ''Oh you're such a jerk. I'll get you back for this'' (meaning she'll prank him back) and the video would reached tons of subcribers and fame. 

This is what prompted you to orchestrate a fake proposal?

I don't buy it.

Sounds absurd.

1 hour ago, Jakeissorry said:

That's definitely not the reaction my gf had. She was crying so much, was very heartbroken and she nearly broke up that day. I didn't expect that. I thought the videos were how many people react in real life. I was wrong. 

Yes, sorely wrong.

 

Edited September 17, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Jakeissorry]

10 hours ago, basil67 said:

Unless the two of you had a history of pulling pranks on each other and were laughingly escalating those pranks, that YouTube scenario was never going to happen.  And also consider that it could well have been fake and created just to attract viewers and likes.  

Filling someone with joy and then pulling the rug out from under them is nothing short of cruel. 

Yes it was cruel and I'm sorry for everything. It would mean the world to me just to hear her say yes again, to my real proposal and one day looking past this. As a fresh start, I'll give her roses on our date and take her to the movies. I'm working on being a better person, better man and gaining her trust back.

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, Jakeissorry said:

 That's definitely not the reaction my gf had. She was crying so 

Surely you know at least something about her and human nature to know how extremely unfunny this is?

Since you work quite functionally and have a basic understanding of work related human relations it's odd that you claim she would react like a stunt video.

[Jakeissorry]

20 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Surely you know at least something about her and human nature to know how extremely unfunny this is?

Since you work quite functionally and have a basic understanding of work related human relations it's odd that you claim she would react like a stunt video.

I was stupid for thinking that way. I used to think relations at your workplace is different from personal relations outside of work. I know this is very naive but yes I really thought the videos were the real reactions in real life.