Dating multiple people

[kleaners]

I started seeing someone last weekend, and the way we got together is a bit strange. She reached out to me on Facebook Marketplace to buy Simpsons items I had for sale. She looked cute from her profile photo and we already had one thing in common. We ended up talking for a good hour about our love for The Simpsons before arranging to meet up to complete the sale. I took a chance and asked her to lunch, to which she agreed. We've since gone out Friday and I spent the night/day with her Saturday into Sunday. We're both into each other and plan on continuing to explore this new relationship.

What's been tough for me, however, is in the past few days I've received a couple of matches on dating sites and have engaged in conversation (yes, I know some of you frown upon just texting back and forth). I like the person I started seeing, even though there's a 90-minute drive between us. When we initially talked about possibly dating, she indicated she hadn't been actively searching for someone at the current time, but she's definitely flipped her opinion after spending more time together (her quote - I have a 16-year-old high school crush on you). One of her concerns was being misled and possibly misleading me at the same time. So, a part of me feels guilty about exploring other options, but the other part realizes I haven't committed to an exclusive relationship with this woman. Your advice is appreciated.

[Despin]

Until you have the exclusivity talk neither of you owes the other anything.

 

[Ami1uwant]

You can date multiple people at the same time.  Assume true with the person u are dating.

 

don’t try to sleep together until you are exclusive/ couple. If you are sleeping around prior to the commitment it could blow up in your face.

[Alpacalia]

The more you like someone, the less you will consider other options.

It will be a natural progression.

Don't feel bad if you're not there quite yet.

[kleaners]

3 hours ago, Ami1uwant said:

You can date multiple people at the same time.  Assume true with the person u are dating.

 

don’t try to sleep together until you are exclusive/ couple. If you are sleeping around prior to the commitment it could blow up in your face.

Although I kind of believe the woman I'm seeing isn't dating anyone else because even before we talked about going out, she indicated she wasn't actively seeking to date anyone. The chemistry has been pretty good between us. As for not sleeping together, well, too late for that. *LOL*

[Gaeta]

Do you want a girlfriend or you want to play the field for the next 2 years? If you're serious about wanting a gf then put your profile on pause and concentrate on her. At some point a guy has to stop thinking the grass is greener with the next one. 

If you don't like her enough than let her go. 

[basil67]

2 hours ago, kleaners said:

Although I kind of believe the woman I'm seeing isn't dating anyone else because even before we talked about going out, she indicated she wasn't actively seeking to date anyone. The chemistry has been pretty good between us. As for not sleeping together, well, too late for that. *LOL*

That she wasn't looking to date someone doesn't mean that she's not willing to date the right guy.  Good things can come to us when we're not actively searching. 

Anyway, I think it's poor form to be sleeping with someone who you know is really into you and still be talking to others at the same time.  Would it be a hardship to stop talking with others until you see where this thing is going? 

Edited September 12, 2022 by basil67

[kleaners]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

That she wasn't looking to date someone doesn't mean that she's not willing to date the right guy.  Good things can come to us when we're not actively searching. 

I completely agree. It makes me feel special knowing I impressed her enough to change her mind.

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Would it be a hardship to stop talking with others until you see where this thing is going? 

Absolutely not. In all the times I've found myself to be single, I was never conversing/meeting multiple women at the same time. To just have the floodgates open all at once is a bit overwhelming.

[basil67]

And having those floodgates open all at once is probably a bit confusing. 

I'd give this woman it a month or two and see how it goes.  There will always be more options online

Edited September 12, 2022 by basil67
formatting

[Alpacalia]

1 hour ago, kleaners said:

I completely agree. It makes me feel special knowing I impressed her enough to change her mind.

Absolutely not. In all the times I've found myself to be single, I was never conversing/meeting multiple women at the same time. To just have the floodgates open all at once is a bit overwhelming.

Then why continue to explore options?

In one breath you say that you feel guilty and in the other say that you haven't committed to an exclusive relationship with this woman.

Like the others said there will always be other options if this doesn't work out.

It won't harm you to focus on one person that you really like and see where it goes.

 

Edited September 12, 2022 by Alpacalia

[kleaners]

2 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Then why continue to explore options?

In one breath you say that you feel guilty and in the other say that you haven't committed to an exclusive relationship with this woman.

Like the others said there will always be other options if this doesn't work out.

It won't harm you to focus on one person that you really like and see where it goes.

 

I guess I was concerned about those I had started talking to before the weekend 's date.

[Wiseman2]

14 hours ago, kleaners said:

. As for not sleeping together, well, too late for that.

Ok. Once you get physical, it's time to discuss the exclusively thing.  It's important to be on the same page with this. People can get hurt if one assumes they're exclusive and the other is still dating around. 

[BaileyB]

4 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Once you get physical, it's time to discuss the exclusively thing. 

Lots of women will want to discuss the exclusivity thing before getting physical.

You’ve had sex - that’s fine. You are going to learn soon enough whether she wants to explore this relationship as a possible long term relationship (or whether it was just a good connection, hookup for her). It is absolutely possible that she found a relationship when she was not really looking - I wouldn’t put any stock into that comment unless she specifically tells you, she does not want to be in a committed relationship with you. 

While you are not wrong to continue exploring other options because you are not in an exclusive relationship with this woman, I too tend to think that it’s bad form - particularly once you’ve had sex. 

My answer to this question is usually - how interested are you in the possibility of a relationship with this woman? If she was to learn that you were still going out with other women, what’s she going to think about that? My advice - not many women would appreciate that and it may be the end of this budding new relationship. So, if you want to risk it - that’s your choice. But, as was said above, the more attached and interested you become in this woman the less you will want to explore other options.

I say - I hope this goes well for you. It sounds really promising…

Edited September 13, 2022 by BaileyB

[kleaners]

4 minutes ago, BaileyB said:

Lots of women will want to discuss the exclusivity thing before getting physical.

You’ve had sex - that’s fine. You are going to learn soon enough whether she wants to explore this relationship as a possible long term relationship (or whether it was just a good connection, hookup for her). It is absolutely possible that she found a relationship when she was not really looking - I wouldn’t put any stock into that comment unless she specifically tells you, she does not want to be in a committed relationship with you. 

While you are not wrong to continue exploring other options because you are not in an exclusive relationship with this woman, I too tend to think that it’s bad form - particularly once you’ve had sex. 

My answer to this question is usually - how interested are you in the possibility of a relationship with this woman? If she was to learn that you were still going out with other women, what’s she going to think about that? My advice - not many women would appreciate that and it may be the end of this budding new relationship. So, if you want to risk it - that’s your choice. But, as was said above, the more attached and interested you become in this woman the less you will want to explore other options.

I say - I hope this goes well for you. It sounds really promising…

Despite the distance between us, it does seem promising and it is a relationship I'm interested in persuing further. I wouldn't want to do anything to risk it, which is why I sought input from the group. Since I've never met either of the other women, I don't feel any emotional connection to them, so cutting it off won't be a big deal.

[Calmandfocused]

2 hours ago, kleaners said:

Despite the distance between us, it does seem promising and it is a relationship I'm interested in persuing further. I wouldn't want to do anything to risk it, which is why I sought input from the group. Since I've never met either of the other women, I don't feel any emotional connection to them, so cutting it off won't be a big deal.

Then don’t risk it. 

My initial thought was that you’re not really into this woman. However reading between the lines the real issue is you’re worried you’ll let your matches down. 
 

Don’t worry about that Op. Online daters are used to such occurrences. The simple and decent thing to do would be to let you’re matches know you’ve recently met someone and you want to see where it goes. No harm in that. 
 

This way you can approach this new relationship with an open heart and mind without any “secrets” lurking in the background.

[mark clemson]

It sounds like you're ambivalent.  I think if YOU are partly feeling you'd like this to be exclusive, there's nothing wrong with setting your online profiles to "taken" or whatever you do and seeing how things work out. The online world will still be there if this turns out to be a fling or you are otherwise disappointed.

I think you need at least a few weeks before having the exclusivity talk with the other person, but if it's happening naturally on your end, it's probably a good sign that you've found someone with at least a lot of potential, and it's not inherently wrong to start prepping for that early. Just keep in mind that it's still early days and might not work out.

[kleaners]

42 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said:

Then don’t risk it. 

My initial thought was that you’re not really into this woman. However reading between the lines the real issue is you’re worried you’ll let your matches down. 
 

You are exactly right. I don't know how vested they are in me, but the idea of taking all this time to get to know them, and vice versa, to just tell them I potentially met someone, it does make me feel bad.

 

 

[BaileyB]

Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds to me like you are actually very interested in this woman - it’s just early days.

You also sound like a very sweet man if you are worried about the other women you’ve just matched with. You owe them no obligation, just tell them kindly that now isn’t the right time because you’ve just met someone else.

And, if it doesn’t work out… there will be other matches, other women. 

[kleaners]

1 hour ago, BaileyB said:

Correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds to me like you are actually very interested in this woman - it’s just early days.

You also sound like a very sweet man if you are worried about the other women you’ve just matched with. You owe them no obligation, just tell them kindly that now isn’t the right time because you’ve just met someone else.

And, if it doesn’t work out… there will be other matches, other women. 

I called one today and told her I had met someone. She was very appreciative of the call and wished me luck.

[Gaeta]

On 9/13/2022 at 8:23 PM, kleaners said:

I called one today and told her I had met someone. She was very appreciative of the call and wished me luck.

You did the right thing. You are sensitive to others, not many men like you online. If ever this doesn't work with this lady, you will have no problem meeting someone else. 

[Lyla6789]

There's nothing wrong with dating multiple people. No it doesn't cheapen the appreciation for the Simpsons woman, in fact it will strengthen it if you're not expecting ONE person to meet your every need. The thing is being open and honest about it- and respectful of Simpsons lady and the other potential partner's feelings on the situation. (Also I mean shouldn't need said but safe sex, y'know?) 

 

If your endgame is monogamy then you're asking the wrong questions, your concern would be "how do I know she's worth booting the others" which imo, you don't. You take a chance and see how it goes. 

[kleaners]

49 minutes ago, Lyla6789 said:

There's nothing wrong with dating multiple people. No it doesn't cheapen the appreciation for the Simpsons woman, in fact it will strengthen it if you're not expecting ONE person to meet your every need. The thing is being open and honest about it- and respectful of Simpsons lady and the other potential partner's feelings on the situation. (Also I mean shouldn't need said but safe sex, y'know?) 

 

If your endgame is monogamy then you're asking the wrong questions, your concern would be "how do I know she's worth booting the others" which imo, you don't. You take a chance and see how it goes. 

I've decided to just keep it simple and focus on dating only one person. Between working two jobs and now spending weekends with her, my time is fairly limited anyway.