Ann1297 Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 (edited) So i have a bf since 5 years he promised me that he will marry me and done physically everything with me saying that we will going to get married. Now few days back his parents came to know about us and now he is stepping back that I can’t do anything against their will. I am feeling verry nervous. I belong to conservative family. Should i tell his parents that we have done everything or should i wait for him to take a decision. I love him i dont want to take any wrong step. I am feeling betrayed and confused what to do now??? He is also making me confused sometimes he says he do love me sometimes he say i am helpless I can’t do anything. Are we doing right by talking each other . He is making me confuse Edited September 13, 2022 by Ann1297 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 39 minutes ago, Ann1297 said: few days back his parents came to know about us. I belong to conservative family. Sorry this happened. Are you scheduled for an arranged marriage? Is premarital sex or dating taboo in your society? Be careful about that. Talk to your parents. Is this the same man?: Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ann1297 Posted September 13, 2022 Author Share Posted September 13, 2022 No he was my good friend. I am talking about my bf. Yes i live in a conservative society. Sex before marriage is not allowed. My parents will going to kill me. I was not ready for physical relationship but he said he will going to marry me. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 2 hours ago, Ann1297 said: Should i tell his parents that we have done everything Absolutely not. It is not your place to tell them anything. That's your boyfriend's choice. If he decides not to, all you can do is respect his wishes and ask yourself if you can stay in a relationship where you are essentially a secret. He's promised you marriage but how can he marry you if his family doesn't even approve of him dating you? And he won't go against his family? I think you need to realize this relationship might not continue. If he is unwilling to go against his parents, and they don't approve, I don't see any other alternative but to say goodbye. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 42 minutes ago, Ann1297 said: Sex before marriage is not allowed. My parents will going to kill me. Then keep your secret. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, Ann1297 said: Should i tell his parents that we have done everything or should i wait for him to take a decision. No. Don’t tell them, it’s none of their business and it’s not your place to tell them. if your boyfriend is telling you that his parents don’t approve and he can not go against their wishes, you need to prepare yourself that this relationship may be over. This happened to a friend who was in a serious relationship with a man from India (she is Canadian, they both lives in Canada). He went to India to ‘visit’ his family and called her to tell her that he had married another woman that his family had chosen for him. It was devastating for her, but there was nothing she could do. Edited September 13, 2022 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 46 minutes ago, Ann1297 said: Sex before marriage is not allowed. My parents will going to kill me. I was not ready for physical relationship but he said he will going to marry me. We can’t change the past, we can only learn from it. I’m sorry this has happened, take care of yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 1 hour ago, Ann1297 said: No he was my good friend. I am talking about my bf. Yes i live in a conservative society. Sex before marriage is not allowed. My parents will going to kill me. I was not ready for physical relationship but he said he will going to marry me. Don't believe any guys who tell you if you give them sex they will marry you. That's the oldest line in the book, why did you do it? Wait until after you're married to have sex. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ann1297 Posted September 13, 2022 Author Share Posted September 13, 2022 He is still with me and he doesn’t want to leave me. He said he is trying to manage everything. But his mood keeps on fluctuating sometimes he says dont go I can’t live without you and other time he say I don’t want to get attach to you. Like why the f*** he lied for 5 years then Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ann1297 Posted September 13, 2022 Author Share Posted September 13, 2022 3 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Absolutely not. It is not your place to tell them anything. That's your boyfriend's choice. If he decides not to, all you can do is respect his wishes and ask yourself if you can stay in a relationship where you are essentially a secret. He's promised you marriage but how can he marry you if his family doesn't even approve of him dating you? And he won't go against his family? I think you need to realize this relationship might not continue. If he is unwilling to go against his parents, and they don't approve, I don't see any other alternative but to say goodbye. His family doesn’t even know me. His mom haven’t met me yet they don’t know anything about me. They are judging me on the basis of my paternal side family. Those people have issue with his family. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 12 minutes ago, Ann1297 said: His family doesn’t even know me. His mom haven’t met me yet they don’t know anything about me. They are judging me on the basis of my paternal side family. Those people have issue with his family. I think this only serves to reinforce the point: this man is not going to marry you if his famliy doesn't even know and they don't approve. I'm sorry. It's an unfair situation but there's not much you can or should do if he isn't willing to do anything about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 14 minutes ago, Ann1297 said: His family doesn’t even know me. They are judging me on the basis of my paternal side family. Those people have issue with his family. Are either of you scheduled for an arranged marriage with someone your families approve of? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ann1297 Posted September 13, 2022 Author Share Posted September 13, 2022 14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Are either of you scheduled for an arranged marriage with someone your families approve of? No we are not, his and mine both families are mostly focused on our career. Link to post Share on other sites
Johnjohnson2017 Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 6 hours ago, Ann1297 said: So i have a bf since 5 years he promised me that he will marry me and done physically everything with me saying that we will going to get married. Now few days back his parents came to know about us and now he is stepping back that I can’t do anything against their will. I am feeling verry nervous. I belong to conservative family. Should i tell his parents that we have done everything or should i wait for him to take a decision. I love him i dont want to take any wrong step. I am feeling betrayed and confused what to do now??? He is also making me confused sometimes he says he do love me sometimes he say i am helpless I can’t do anything. Are we doing right by talking each other . He is making me confuse You are in a tough situation. In your culture, the families have to approve the marriage. His family is agains't him marrying you, so chances are very high that he will not go agains't his family. He needs to introduce you to his parents so at least maybe they can change their minds. If they are still against the marriage, then he might eventually dump you for someone his family approves. You can't tell them that you two had a physical relationship. A physical relationship before marriage is looked down upon, especially for a woman and you will have a bad reputation making it harder for you to meet someone to marry in case it doesn't work out with your current boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 If you tell his parents, things will be worse for you than they are now. First, your parents will find out and you'll have the repercussions of that. Secondly, that is his business. If his parents will approve your marriage if they know you've had sex, he's aware of that and it's up to him whether he tells them or not. Question: Knowing the parameters of your families and your culture, why have you stayed in a relationship for 5 years that you knew was not going to lead to marriage? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ann1297 Posted September 13, 2022 Author Share Posted September 13, 2022 2 hours ago, NuevoYorko said: If you tell his parents, things will be worse for you than they are now. First, your parents will find out and you'll have the repercussions of that. Secondly, that is his business. If his parents will approve your marriage if they know you've had sex, he's aware of that and it's up to him whether he tells them or not. Question: Knowing the parameters of your families and your culture, why have you stayed in a relationship for 5 years that you knew was not going to lead to marriage? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ann1297 Posted September 13, 2022 Author Share Posted September 13, 2022 Just now, Ann1297 said: 2 hours ago, NuevoYorko said: If you tell his parents, things will be worse for you than they are now. First, your parents will find out and you'll have the repercussions of that. Secondly, that is his business. If his parents will approve your marriage if they know you've had sex, he's aware of that and it's up to him whether he tells them or not. Question: Knowing the parameters of your families and your culture, why have you stayed in a relationship for 5 years that you knew was not going to lead to marriage? Actually my bf is a good guy with good nature he is trying very hard. But the main problem is his parents.I don’t want him to get hurt. He always supported me through thick nd thin. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ann1297 Posted September 13, 2022 Author Share Posted September 13, 2022 Its not like only i want to be with him he also want to spend his life with me. He is just scared of his parents. He even scared of trying Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted September 13, 2022 Share Posted September 13, 2022 44 minutes ago, Ann1297 said: Its not like only i want to be with him he also want to spend his life with me. He is just scared of his parents. He even scared of trying You've been together for 5 years and neither of your parents know about the relationship yet. Clearly you both knew that it wasn't going to go over well, or you would have been conducting your relationship with the awareness and blessings of the parents. In fact, you said that there are issues between your families. So, you've been aware that this was not going to become a "happily ever after" situation. I don't know your culture, but I do know that there are many cultures where a person WILL NOT go against the wishes of their parents in marriage. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 14, 2022 Share Posted September 14, 2022 9 hours ago, Ann1297 said: Its not like only i want to be with him he also want to spend his life with me. He is just scared of his parents. He even scared of trying Then this should tell you that he is probably never going to try. I'm sorry, but it sounds like you have both been living in a fantasy-bubble of denial. He knew his parents would not approve of you, and you evidently agreed to be a secret for 5 years. Now reality has hit, and it's not likely to end in lifelong happiness for you two as a couple. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ann1297 Posted September 14, 2022 Author Share Posted September 14, 2022 32 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Then this should tell you that he is probably never going to try. I'm sorry, but it sounds like you have both been living in a fantasy-bubble of denial. He knew his parents would not approve of you, and you evidently agreed to be a secret for 5 years. Now reality has hit, and it's not likely to end in lifelong happiness for you two as a couple. So what should i do now ? Should i leave him immediately ? We both are still connected. Yesterday i told him indirectly that this will going to get over. He sweat and started crying that are you going? Are you leaving me? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted September 14, 2022 Share Posted September 14, 2022 2 minutes ago, Ann1297 said: So what should i do now ? Should i leave him immediately ? We both are still connected. Yesterday i told him indirectly that this will going to get over. He sweat and started crying that are you going? Are you leaving me? I would, yes. What else can you do when he won't stand up to his parents? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 14, 2022 Share Posted September 14, 2022 20 hours ago, Johnjohnson2017 said: You can't tell them that you two had a physical relationship. A physical relationship before marriage is looked down upon, especially for a woman and you will have a bad reputation making it harder for you to meet someone to marry in case it doesn't work out with your current boyfriend. If you knew you'd be looked down on as a woman for having sex before marriage why did you do it? Didn't you realize this was going to create problems for you later on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ann1297 Posted September 14, 2022 Author Share Posted September 14, 2022 7 hours ago, stillafool said: If you knew you'd be looked down on as a woman for having sex before marriage why did you do it? Didn't you realize this was going to create problems for you later on? I thought he will going to full fill his promise. He told me he is serious but now slowly slowly i am getting to know. That he has been feeded by his mother. Day after knowing his parents won’t allow us to be together. He has changed. I think everyone of you are right. He will not do anything and gonna waste my time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ann1297 Posted September 14, 2022 Author Share Posted September 14, 2022 First I thought that he is scared so I thought of supporting him from my side. But now i think he has completely changed. He is no more that boy who used to support me. At the end i know he will not going to take any stand. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts