I would like to share my story with you. Found the One. Lost the One.

[MapkycBG]

Hello everyone. This might be a long one, but I would appreciate everyone who reaches the end and gives their opinion on the matter. Thank you in advance. 

So, the story with me and this girl began in 2018 when I met her. She was 15 at the time and I was 24. And no, I had no romantic or intimate feelings towards her at that point. I was dating someone at the time and I am not into this kind of thing. 
I met her through her brother, with whom we studied together in the university in my home town. Me and him became something like "brother from another mother" bond. 
Something perculiar happened when I met her though. As soon as we shook hands, an instant of electricity ran through my body and we stood frozen for like 2-3 seconds and then we went on with our day. 
We occasionally kep in contact when we were visiting or when she was asking about her brother when he was in my home town. 

At the end of last year, we started chatting more often than usual and we became very close. They would visit me, or the other way around. 
At the beginning of this year, me and some friends came to their city for a couple of days and we rented this awesome Airbnb place near their house. It was amazing. We drank, smoked, sung, laughed and pretty much had an amazing time. Me and her were constanlty flirting with each other. 

I would like to add to the story, that she and her brother had a very rough childhood growing up. Their father is with a different family in a different country, and the only contact with him is the child support he sends monthly. Mother was in-and-out of the picture and majority of their growing up was with their grandmother, who is a very toxic person. Her intentions are reasonable, but the methods are rather extreme and emotionally abusive. 

She has handled herself since a little kid and she is very mature as opposed to other girls her age. (She is 19 now). 

After that vacation we had in their city, me and her would not stop chatting and talking. I decided that I was going to visit them again next month as even before anything happened I wanted to live in their city as it is beautiful. I got the green light from work and went there on the 4th of February to search for a place. As I was searching, I rented the same Airbnb place as before, and she got a duffle bag of stuff and stayed with me for the time I was there. One of the reasons being, she had another huge argument with her grandma and she just wanted to get out of the house. 

I found this amazing place near theirs and we celabrated with her by getting some drinks, food and having a beautiful day. The same evening we kissed. And forgive me for using the caps on this, but - OH DEAR LORD THAT KISS ! ! ! We instantly clicked, vibed and synced. Nothing awkward at all and we pretty much sank into it. What she said afterwards still hits me like a truck. 
She shared with me the story about how we met and by that time, I haven't shared it with anyone as I did not feel the need to. She shared that the moment we met and shook hands, she felt the exact same electricity that I did. I just stared blindly into her eyes, because I was at a loss for words. From that point on, we were together. 

I would like to point out that I was her first boyfriend and first in pretty much anything intimate. I had never pressured anyone into sex as It has never been my priority in a relationship. 

We were together for 6 beautiful months. I know that in some people's eyes, it is not that long, but what she made feel every single day, her understanding, was magical. I honestly believed that she might be the One. 

We've had talks about us, about the age gap (9 years) and one specific talk that - if we come to a moment that we do not stand each other for whatever reason to sit down and talk it through. If we find a solution - awesome! If not, then at least stay friends, as she is an amazing person. 

However, I've had past relationship traumas before, as I was cheated on, ignored, disregarded and that left scars that I unintentionally brought in this relationship. My insecurities, self-doubt and emotions brought the self-sabotage which in the end ruined our relationship. She lost attraction and she distanced herself emotionally and physically. And I understood perfectly why. 
There were times that she would run from a more serious conversation, but I did not judge her for it, as it was her fer relationship. I did not expect her to have all the answers or knowledge on how to act. 

We broke up on the 3rd of August. The breakup itself was not bad. We talked, understood each other and at first stayed friends. The bad things started happening after. 

A few days after we broke up, I was walking home early in the morning as I was in a bar and was a little tipsy. My path home goes directly passed her house and I saw her and some random guy sitting on the curb and talking. My emotions took over, and I asked her to the side - Who is this? What is going on? Not even a week after we broke up? She did not want to talk about it and I left. But I was hurt.. in my drunk and emotional state I sent her a couple of angry messages, which I still regret. She said that this guy was a common friend of her and her brother. 

But I continued to see them almost every night as I was walking my dog or just being along to clear my head. I told myself - I trust her, I trust myself and I will better myself, for myself. 
I started going to the gym, quit smoking, quit drinking energy drinks and pretty much concentrated on myself. 

Her birthday was coming up and I bought her a tablet, on which she could use her imagination to draw designs for tattoos (as this is her dream) and fixed her laptop (reinstall windows and SSD upgrade). She loved it! 

A week later as I was walking my dog again, I saw them on the opposite side of the bouleverd in a little park.. kissing. And it was not the kiss that broke me, but her smile. A smile I've only seen when she was with me. My heart broke and it hurt so much. I haven't cried like that ever when I got home. In my broken state, I sent her one final message. To summarize it - You are like the rest of the women out there. Wasn't this guy a common friend? Was everything a lie? Enough to say that I regret sending this message as well. I could have just kept it to myself. But the past is the past. Water under the bridge. 

End sadly, it doesn't end here. As this happened, I decided to go back to my home town to calm my mind, not think about anything besides myself, my friends and work. One evening, a week after I saw them, she texted my on Instagram and sending a screenshot of someone accessing her account there and Facebook constantly. Every day, every couple of hours. And the bad thing is, it fits perfectly with the time she gave me her laptop to fix it. Even though my conciense is clear, it did not make me feel any better. I would never stoop to this level as to spy on her or anyone for that matter. But she beleived it was me. And blocked me everywhere. I felt hurt, but I understood it from a logical point of view. 

Two days after that, I returned back to her city as I wanted to continue living here. Besides everything that happened. 

Last Friday night, out of the blue, she unblocked me on Messenger and started drunk texting me.. or more specifically - voice messages. At the start they were cynical and bad, but as we texted, the tone kind of got normal. She was drunk, crying and pretty much said how hurt she was over the things I said. And I understood it. The pain I was feeling was my own, due to my own unresolved trauma from the past. She did not deserve the hate I poured in my emotional state in these texts. 

An hour after that I went out with my dog and I saw her outside near my building. She was pretty much wasted and was talking on the phone with that guy she'd been hanging out with. She went to get him from some bar/restaurant as he was drunk as well. I hugged her and told her to be careful before she got in the taxi. I did not want to let her go in that condition, but.. you understand. 

Last Sunday, her kitten ran away, and she was pretty much broken. Her brother told me. They searched for it everywhere, but to no avail.

The same evening I sent her a message that I felt it needed to be said. For transparency and you guys understanding, the message is this: 

 

Hey.. I found out what happened to Sissy (the kitten).. I'm so sorry.. I hope the little one pops out from somewhere because that's what kittens do.. Don't lose faith.. look for her in dark places.. You know what they are like. They are most active early in the morning and at dusk..
If she has any toys.. leave them in the yard.. a friend of Stoyan found his kitten like that. It had run away and apparently by the smell of the toy it came back..
Also, she's used to food and water at your place, so that's another reason for her to come back.. they're just curious..
No matter how much you don't believe it, I want you to know that I'll be there for you no matter what. Even if we have parted ways, I'll be by your side.
This shouldn't make you feel bad or guilty in any way.
This, too, I want you to know, I do not wish to influence your choice.
I don't say all this with hopes that you will come back to me.
I truly love you. With all my heart. And no matter what happens in our lives, it doesn't change anything. You will always be a part of me.
It's a promise I made long ago, and I intend to keep it no matter what.
Should you need something - to talk, to share, to be silent, to walk, to escape from reality.. and whatever else. I'm here. I'll be by your side. (As long as you ask for it)
But until then, I won't bother you. I want us both to be okay. Separately and mutually.
Thank you! 😊

She just saw it and nothing else. No response. To be fair, I was not expecting anything, really. 

So this is the end of the story here. I still love her dearly. I want us to give ourselves a second chance, but in reality, all that I can give her right now is time and space. I've had different opinions on the matter and it all boils down to the age gap and that she had no previous relationships besides me. That she needs to experience life. And I understand it perfectly. 
However, the spark of hope in me still burns, hoping that she might reconsider at some point. Don't get me wrong, I am not going to sit around and wait for the call or green light. I am still focused on myself to be a better version every day. 

Any opinion, criticism and advice on the matter is appreciated. Thank you for everyone who reached this point. Cheers!

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, MapkycBG said:

I started going to the gym, quit smoking, quit drinking energy drinks and pretty much concentrated on myself. 
She was pretty much wasted and was talking on the phone with that guy she'd been hanging out with. She went to get him from some bar/restaurant as he was drunk as well.

Sorry this happened. It was never going to work out since you started your crush when she was a child. Focus on continuing to improve your health, fitness, lifestyle and cutting out bad habits. At 19/28 you are two completely different stages in life.

[NuevoYorko]

She wasn't "THE ONE."  Close that book and move on.   

[lonelyplanetmoon]

I have experienced a few instances where there was instant connection.  Where we both mutually feel the same, like we knew each other - old souls meeting again kind of thing.  But these connections never once turned romantic because timing was always off.  It is very rare that these kinds of “spiritual” or other worldly connections become these magical relationships.  Relationships are about making practical choices and worldly actions.  So don’t get hung up on how special of a connection you had.  Yes it was different and special but it really just did not work.  And when something does not work you have to let go of it.  It was not meant to be.  Let go completely and work on yourself to become a better person.  Then you can be ready for your next relationship.  Yes this one will always be in your heart but that is just the way it goes.  Use it to warm your heart that you got to experience it.  And know that it had limits or an expiration  because well… that is just life.  We never ever get perfect.

 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm sorry for your pain, OP. 

But this girl is not The One. She is way too young for that. She might be more mature than other teenagers you know, but she's still a teenager. She's got far too much growing and learning and developing ahead of her to be anyone's "One." Her rapid turnover from your relationship to her new one and drunk messaging is the evidence of that. It will be a long time and several boyfriends before she is ready to settle down with whomever she meets at that stage of her life. 

In the future, don't lose yourself in a relationship like this. It's a great feeling to fall in love, but you also need to keep perspective. You're nearly 30, right? This young lady is barely out of highschool. It wasn't going to be a match, no matter how well you got along for a while. Dust yourself off, take time to heal, but try to make better choices for yourself in the future. Women closer to your age, at this point in your life, are going to be a much better option.