Unexpected ending

[FeelingSadCyC]

Hi, me (F, 43) I am still married to a man (M,43). In 2019 he went to another European country to work during workdays and had an affair. He denied it until 2021 when I told him I have had an affair myself and finally he told me that he also. He always says he was not in love and he did it because he felt alone and I was very much focused on our kids. 

in 2020 I started an affair with a coworker (MM,43). It has been on/off until yesterday. Every year after the summer he ended things for some months. His wife also had an affair in 2021, which she denies. His wife does not know about ours (at least , she has not told him).

The thing is yesterday he broke up with me. But is was not because his wife. He told me he does not love me anymore. He does not also love her. And wants both of us out of his life. 
 

I am surprisingly fine. I am focused on my divorce and have enough s*** myself. Also, I have been hurtes by him so many times, I just feel relief. I suppose it can be different in a pair of days. 
 

The good part of this is that we do not longer work together, I do not have to see him. I do not know if he will divorce himself, but I do not believe he will do. 
 

I really was not expecting this end, the I do not love you as much as I did, this is the end. Do you think this is true? Is he having a hard time himself? I was also feeling less, I have so much stress at home and also we were seeing ya to take a coffee or just to kiss us for ten minutes twice a week.  Anyway I prefer to face a divorce without him. So, I feel kind of freedom.

 

sorry for my English, non native speaker.

[ExpatInItaly]

6 minutes ago, rocpin said:

I really was not expecting this end, the I do not love you as much as I did, this is the end. Do you think this is true?

I don't see why he would like about it, so yes, it's probably true. 

It sounds like he realizes that neither his marriage nor your affair were healthy, and he doesn't have the same feelings for you (or his wife) that he once did. Or, he's met someone else altogether now and wants to be with her. 

 

[FeelingSadCyC]

Thank for your answer. I do not think he is yet in love with someone else. Not yet, life is long. He always has this behavior when the summer ends. 

I really just want to forget about everything. This is the first time I really want to be over him. 

[Wiseman2]

4 hours ago, rocpin said:

. I am focused on my divorce.

That's the most important thing to focus on. Often affairs are just bandaids on bad marriages.

It's good you don't work together, this way you can delete and block him.

Focus on yourself your children and the best life you can offer them. They are innocent in all this and deserve the love and attention they need.

[basil67]

xxx

Edited September 16, 2022 by basil67

[BaileyB]

On 9/14/2022 at 11:59 PM, rocpin said:

I prefer to face a divorce without him. So, I feel kind of freedom.

You should. You are moving on from an unfulfilling marriage and you have a world of opportunities ahead - go and find your own happiness, it is guaranteed not going to be found with another woman’s husband. He served his purpose, but now it’s time to leave him behind you as you find a new path for yourself and your children. Good luck!

[glows]

On 9/14/2022 at 9:59 PM, rocpin said:

Hi, me (F, 43) I am still married to a man (M,43). In 2019 he went to another European country to work during workdays and had an affair. He denied it until 2021 when I told him I have had an affair myself and finally he told me that he also. He always says he was not in love and he did it because he felt alone and I was very much focused on our kids. 

in 2020 I started an affair with a coworker (MM,43). It has been on/off until yesterday. Every year after the summer he ended things for some months. His wife also had an affair in 2021, which she denies. His wife does not know about ours (at least , she has not told him).

The thing is yesterday he broke up with me. But is was not because his wife. He told me he does not love me anymore. He does not also love her. And wants both of us out of his life. 
 

I am surprisingly fine. I am focused on my divorce and have enough s*** myself. Also, I have been hurtes by him so many times, I just feel relief. I suppose it can be different in a pair of days. 
 

The good part of this is that we do not longer work together, I do not have to see him. I do not know if he will divorce himself, but I do not believe he will do. 
 

I really was not expecting this end, the I do not love you as much as I did, this is the end. Do you think this is true? Is he having a hard time himself? I was also feeling less, I have so much stress at home and also we were seeing ya to take a coffee or just to kiss us for ten minutes twice a week.  Anyway I prefer to face a divorce without him. So, I feel kind of freedom.

 

sorry for my English, non native speaker.

It’s been off and on so there was no stability here to be seen at all. Your history with him proves that he pulls disappearing acts or isn’t always consistent. That may also have been your dynamic for an affair and all the time you could afford - inconsistent coffees and kisses now and then. What really was the quality of this romance? Was any of it even worth the time or effort?

It’s one less distraction while you process your divorce if you divorce your husband. Do it with a clear mind and think of yourself and your children. This person is practically a nobody to you and even less so now as you don’t work together so let go. Whether he’s having a tough time or not, well, that’s his business. None of your business any longer. It’s a blessing. Time to move on.

[torn_heart]

The hard truth is this:

When we have an affair it-s because our partner doesn-t have everything we want in a relationship, and that's the empty hole the AP fills. That's why having an affair helps the "official" relationship stand, because the cheater doesn't have to deal with breaking with their partner. In my case, the affair helped my relationship to continue 4 more years.

So it's a very good possibility that he doesn't want an exclusive relationship with neither partner.