Juswonderin Posted September 15, 2022 Share Posted September 15, 2022 This is a long story. I’m a 39 F with 2 kid under 11. I have been with my partner 11 years. I met my partner when I was going through the worst breakup of my life. I’ve never been truly happy. The problem is I don’t fancy him at all. Sad story - I just thought I wouldn’t get better so never tried. He’s lied to me on multiple occasions with gambling habits, major money issues, other boring family scenarios. He may have cheated, I not know but tbh I wouldn’t care. I’ve  stuck with him ‘for the sake of the kids’  yep… I know. we also run 2 businesses together. So it’s a difficult one to leave as we both need each other’s skills for the businesses. Im March I fell for someone that was married. He also fell for me. we never had an actual Affair or even kiss. his wife controlled his social media. he went weird one day after weeks of flirting, touching etc so I asked him if we needed to chat via message and about his actions. I got complete denial responses like what happened was in my head - it totally was not. The list of things he did is endless. I never saw him again since  that day in May. I found out his wife controlled his messages, social media - everything. he expressed how unhappy he was but as he’s a well know ‘local family lovable business man’ with the perfect family… due to the blocking from the wife I had no way of contacting him at all. I had no idea if he knew why he never saw me again at his business. I was told never to return (by the wife) I wanted to get my feelings out and get some closure as it’s 5 months since we saw or spoke, the only way was to deliver a letter explaining my end of the story, my feelings and how I just want him be happy and that the letter was closure for me. I watched him take the letter from the doorstep (this is early hours when it’s safe) and obviously I’ve not heard from him as I did state in the letter that I didn’t expect a response or action however this week, his wife has closed down all his social media and made everything private. there was absolutely NO WAY he showed her the letter, it documented his actions, flirting etc so I’m positive he wouldn’t drop himself in it. but why would this happen? From a guys point of view - do you think he told her to shut down his socials? why would you choose to do that? I noted his profile change literally the day after the letter. he runs his business from social media (well his wife does ) so cannot understand the motive to come offline - surely my letter wouldn’t have done this? any ideas no judgement please  I am moving on and have got my closure almost I’m just curious and want perspectives in the letter I was open with my feelings towards him and that I want him to lead a happy life and that I would never have deliberately screwed him over with the messages if I’d have known His wife controlled it all. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 15, 2022 Share Posted September 15, 2022 12 minutes ago, Juswonderin said: in the letter I was open with my feelings towards him and that I want him to lead a happy life and that I would never have deliberately screwed him over with the messages if I’d have known His wife controlled it all. Okay so he read this I'm sure and it doesn't warrant a response. Is it a response you're looking for from him? It sounds like his wife discovered the affair and like most married men he promised and begged her not to end the marriage. Then they both decided it was best to block all contact with you to prove to her that it's over. He knows you can't reach him through his social media anymore. Here's the thing, if he still wanted to reach you he could, but he hasn't so the affair is over. Hopefully you will find more worth in your husband and if not, the courage to leave him so he can be with someone who loves him.  Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 15, 2022 Share Posted September 15, 2022 12 minutes ago, Juswonderin said: I watched him take the letter from the doorstep (this is early hours when it’s safe) and obviously I’ve not heard from him as I did state in the letter that I didn’t expect a response or action however this week, his wife has closed down all his social media and made everything private. there was absolutely NO WAY he showed her the letter, it documented his actions, flirting etc so I’m positive he wouldn’t drop himself in it. They may be trying to reconcile or saw a marriage therapist and being transparent and open with each other may be part of that. Many cheaters who get caught depict their lover as a Fatal Attraction case. Someone obsessed with them who they want nothing to do with. Perhaps the more important thing is to find a way to improve your family home and business life either through divorce or therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juswonderin Posted September 15, 2022 Author Share Posted September 15, 2022 18 minutes ago, stillafool said: Okay so he read this I'm sure and it doesn't warrant a response. Is it a response you're looking for from him? It sounds like his wife discovered the affair and like most married men he promised and begged her not to end the marriage. Then they both decided it was best to block all contact with you to prove to her that it's over. He knows you can't reach him through his social media anymore. Here's the thing, if he still wanted to reach you he could, but he hasn't so the affair is over. Hopefully you will find more worth in your husband and if not, the courage to leave him so he can be with someone who loves him.  We never actually had an affair - it almost got to that stage. her messages to me were pleading his complete innocence so she thinks it’s all me. im planning a time to move on from my partner. We aren’t married. There’s been a few school changes in my kids lives and don’t want to add more disruption just yet Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juswonderin Posted September 15, 2022 Author Share Posted September 15, 2022 16 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: They may be trying to reconcile or saw a marriage therapist and being transparent and open with each other may be part of that. Many cheaters who get caught depict their lover as a Fatal Attraction case. Someone obsessed with them who they want nothing to do with. Perhaps the more important thing is to find a way to improve your family home and business life either through divorce or therapy. There wasn’t anything to be ‘caught’ as such just that I asked about his flirting on a message but his wife read it and denied he had done anything as obviously he would’ve denied it. I will be leaving and separating from my partner within the next 12 months is my estimate. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted September 15, 2022 Share Posted September 15, 2022 His wife is allowed to control everything in his life. He allows that. you were over stepping - so they (she) shut you out. it’s done. Why do you keep pursuing him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juswonderin Posted September 15, 2022 Author Share Posted September 15, 2022 4 minutes ago, S2B said: His wife is allowed to control everything in his life. He allows that. you were over stepping - so they (she) shut you out. it’s done. Why do you keep pursuing him? I’ve not spoken to him since the day I left. I wouldn’t say I’ve pursued him. I heard he hates me because she told him a different story and lied about my messages. I struggled to live with that and wanted to say my side of the story Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 15, 2022 Share Posted September 15, 2022 17 minutes ago, Juswonderin said: There wasn’t anything to be ‘caught’ as such just that I asked about his flirting on a message but his wife read it . I will be leaving and separating from my partner within the next 12 months is my estimate. Showing up at their house is risky. They could have you arrested for stalking or harassment. You even left a letter as evidence of that. Leave them alone. Focus on getting yourself out of the relationship and developing a co-parenting program. You may not need a divorce, but with a joint business you may need attorneys to sever personal and business assets. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 15, 2022 Share Posted September 15, 2022 (edited) 22 minutes ago, Juswonderin said: I’ve not spoken to him since the day I left. I wouldn’t say I’ve pursued him. I heard he hates me because she told him a different story and lied about my messages. I struggled to live with that and wanted to say my side of the story Well he should know you better than his wife, right? So do you think he thinks so little of you that he would believe her lies rather than to ask you? That doesn't make sense. He hasn't stopped contacting you because his wife made him. He isn't contacting because he doesn't want to continue the affair. It would be too easy to sneak behind his wife's back and continue seeing and talking to you if he wanted to. She isn't the one keeping him from you. Edited September 15, 2022 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juswonderin Posted September 15, 2022 Author Share Posted September 15, 2022 21 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Showing up at their house is risky. They could have you arrested for stalking or harassment. You even left a letter as evidence of that. Leave them alone. Focus on getting yourself out of the relationship and developing a co-parenting program. You may not need a divorce, but with a joint business you may need attorneys to sever personal and business assets. Ohhh it wasn’t their house no way his workplace he’s a business owner yes I am getting on with my life im just curious to my original question from a man’s perspective Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 15, 2022 Share Posted September 15, 2022 2 minutes ago, Juswonderin said: his workplace he’s a business owner So he already got your letter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Juswonderin Posted September 15, 2022 Author Share Posted September 15, 2022 Just now, stillafool said: So he already got your letter. Yea Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 15, 2022 Share Posted September 15, 2022 1 hour ago, Juswonderin said: I struggled to live with that and wanted to say my side of the story Well at least you know he got your side of the story. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts