Second chance after a short-term relationship

[LoveAgain90]

During this August, my girlfriend broke up with me after a month. According to her the "spark" or "chemistry" wasn't there for her. She claimed that she really liked me mentally and relatively liked me physically. What you need to know about her is that she has not been in a relationship before me for 3 years and did not have feelings for anybody in that period. She is the type of person who is doing great on her own.

I went No Contact with her for several weeks, but we started talking again, we talked about the things that went wrong, we both acknowledge it, she said I am a very close person to her. When I said we should meet again she said she can't guarantee that she would have feelings, even if we were to meet more often, which is acceptable.

So my question would be, do you see a way this can have a happy ending? Have you been in a similar position? If so, what can I do to make it work? I don't want to force anything, but at the same time, I got dumped in my "honeymoon stage", which means she left when my feelings towards her were at the peak.  

[Wiseman2]

48 minutes ago, LoveAgain90 said:

 broke up with me after a month. According to her the "spark" or "chemistry" wasn't there for her. 

Sorry this happened. Unfortunately this is the typical friendzone speech. Don't chase or try to convince someone to be attracted to you. It's better to move on than to orbit in the friendzone.

[glows]

5 hours ago, LoveAgain90 said:

During this August, my girlfriend broke up with me after a month. According to her the "spark" or "chemistry" wasn't there for her. She claimed that she really liked me mentally and relatively liked me physically. What you need to know about her is that she has not been in a relationship before me for 3 years and did not have feelings for anybody in that period. She is the type of person who is doing great on her own.

I went No Contact with her for several weeks, but we started talking again, we talked about the things that went wrong, we both acknowledge it, she said I am a very close person to her. When I said we should meet again she said she can't guarantee that she would have feelings, even if we were to meet more often, which is acceptable.

So my question would be, do you see a way this can have a happy ending? Have you been in a similar position? If so, what can I do to make it work? I don't want to force anything, but at the same time, I got dumped in my "honeymoon stage", which means she left when my feelings towards her were at the peak.  

What went wrong? You’ve both only been dating for one month. The time seems so brief. Did you have differences? What were they? Did you argue or were there misunderstandings? 

More examples and context would help. 

[LoveAgain90]

Just now, glows said:

What went wrong? You’ve both only been dating for one month. The time seems so brief. Did you have differences? What were they? Did you argue or were there misunderstandings? 

More examples and context would help. 

No arguments at all. According to her I was a man with qualities that she was searching for in a boyfriend and she wanted to try it with me, but she did not fall in love even after a month and she was stressed that it would never come and didn't want to waste my time. Differences? We prefered different things in a relationship, for example she only wanted to see me like once a week and I would've liked more "dates", but its understandable, since I was into her and she was still trying to figure things out, but she told me about these things post breakup, but not in an angry way. Also, she never liked to talk about her feelings.

I really wanted her to be the one, but brain is saying there is no chance and there shouldn't even be, she wasn't even trying to make me happy in that one month, I am just attached to her, since we had a long talking stage before. Heart would obviously like things to work out, but can't see the slightest of chance for that now.

[glows]

11 minutes ago, LoveAgain90 said:

No arguments at all. According to her I was a man with qualities that she was searching for in a boyfriend and she wanted to try it with me, but she did not fall in love even after a month and she was stressed that it would never come and didn't want to waste my time. Differences? We prefered different things in a relationship, for example she only wanted to see me like once a week and I would've liked more "dates", but its understandable, since I was into her and she was still trying to figure things out, but she told me about these things post breakup, but not in an angry way. Also, she never liked to talk about her feelings.

I really wanted her to be the one, but brain is saying there is no chance and there shouldn't even be, she wasn't even trying to make me happy in that one month, I am just attached to her, since we had a long talking stage before. Heart would obviously like things to work out, but can't see the slightest of chance for that now.

How long was the talking period before you met for the first time? There was false intimacy likely built up before you met. If that’s the case it’s a good lesson not to get overly attached to someone over the phone or text. From what you’ve written it sounds like she wasn’t physically attracted to you when she did meet with you in person. 

Be respectful regardless as those are her wishes and she doesn’t feel the same way. Imo, the quickest way to someone’s heart is listening to what they’re saying and respecting what their opinions are. She doesn’t want to pursue this. Respect yourself too and step back, let things cool off. Do other things and stay busy. Don’t stay in contact on social media. She’s not a friend. Come back in two weeks and let me know if you still feel the same way about her.

[LoveAgain90]

1 minute ago, glows said:

How long was the talking period before you met for the first time? There was false intimacy likely built up before you met. If that’s the case it’s a good lesson not to get overly attached to someone over the phone or text. From what you’ve written it sounds like she wasn’t physically attracted to you when she did meet with you in person. 

Be respectful regardless as those are her wishes and she doesn’t feel the same way. Imo, the quickest way to someone’s heart is listening to what they’re saying and respecting what their opinions are. She doesn’t want to pursue this. Respect yourself too and step back, let things cool off. Do other things and stay busy. Don’t stay in contact on social media. She’s not a friend. Come back in two weeks and let me know if you still feel the same way about her.

Talking stage was 9 months, in the first month I was giving heavy hints I wanted to be more than just friends, in the coming months she was busy but we kinda got to the conversation about whether should there be more and said that she wanted to, but she doesn't feel anything yet and its hard with her overall. I somehow took that as a rejection, but we still went on "coffee dates" and starting properly dating in June. She has seen me physically a few times since we are coworkers (but we doesn't meet that often, she mostly works on different days). 

[glows]

9 hours ago, LoveAgain90 said:

Talking stage was 9 months, in the first month I was giving heavy hints I wanted to be more than just friends, in the coming months she was busy but we kinda got to the conversation about whether should there be more and said that she wanted to, but she doesn't feel anything yet and its hard with her overall. I somehow took that as a rejection, but we still went on "coffee dates" and starting properly dating in June. She has seen me physically a few times since we are coworkers (but we doesn't meet that often, she mostly works on different days). 

You can’t make anyone love you or like you back as much. Stay sane and healthy and keep up with other things in your life. She doesn’t sound very interested. From your side, why would you want to keep someone around who just isn’t interested? Isn’t this a turn off or in the very least a no-go automatically? All you have to do is respect her wishes and avoid making things awkward or inappropriate at work. 

I wouldn’t make myself or my time available for someone who doesn’t share mutual interest in dating. Why should she have access to any of your free time or private life outside of work? Have fun and meet others you don’t work with. Expand your social circle and enjoy your life. Be around other people who want to be around you.

[Wiseman2]

18 hours ago, LoveAgain90 said:

. She has seen me physically a few times since we are coworkers 

Ok. It's time to move forward. For a few reasons. No means no. Particularly at work. The workplace is not a singles club. 

Keep in mind when someone says they are not attracted, it's not negotiable.

What you can do is get a good profile and pics on quality dating apps and start talking to and meeting women.

Also meet women in real life by taking some classes and courses, joining some groups and clubs, volunteering, etc.

[ExpatInItaly]

On 9/17/2022 at 9:25 AM, LoveAgain90 said:

do you see a way this can have a happy ending?

I don't think so, no. 

It stings, but she's not into you like that. If she doesn't have enough interest after only a month of dating, it's very unlikely to suddenly happen now. Think of a woman you know and like well enough, but wouldn't want to date - that's where she is right now. She can't manufacture feelings she just doesn't have, and while she knows you would be a great catch, it's not the right match for her. 

She's just not "the one" for you. Don't keep trying to pursue this one. Let it go and accept that there will be others. The right woman will be excited about you.