Was I wrong to block him last spring?

[Alvi]

Good morning all great people of LoveShack!

OK, there is another  guy who contacted me yesterday. Long story short we went on two dates in April. I liked him and it seems like he liked me too.  Of course, you never know how the other person feels. They may act interested and tell you that they are having a great time and that they want to get to know you better. In reality, you never know how the other person feels about you. Of course, two dates are really nothing in a grand scheme of things.

I noticed, that after two dates, that this guy started to pull away. He would not text me anymore and reply one word answer to my texts. Literally, it was me asking "How was your day" and him replying "Good" for maybe three (or four) days. He wasn't asking me any questions either and most definitely never asked me on another date. I figured out that he wasn't interested. And what is a point chasing after a man who is not interested? No point so that's why I blocked him from my all contacts. I didn't go into any explanations and didn't write any long good bye letters to him because that would've been very melodramatic and unnecessary.

Anyhow, he contacted me again on my dating profile that I set up not long ago. He contacted me and seemed to be angry that I blocked him. According to him I should've said that I wasn't interested in him. That blocking is warranted only for people who do something bad.  I pointed out that he didn't seem to be very interested in me based on his lack of contact and not suggesting to meet up again. He told me that he was very much interested and is still interested (right, lol) but if I am not interested I should just say so now.  Funny, how some people have a way of twisting things around and making it appear like it is all your fault.

I think that blocking was totally warranted in this  case. Also, what do you think is better? Blocking him again or telling him that I don't intend on spending my time with wishy washy guys and block him? Should I bother telling him that he is acting flaky and me blocking him was less about him but all about me, protecting my own feeling?

[Weezy1973]

I pretty much always went with some version of “I enjoyed our date, but don’t feel we’re a match. Good luck with your search.” That being said, blocking without any message isn’t terrible- you’ve had two dates, you don’t really owe him anything. But the fact you were so invested after only two dates that you felt you needed to “protect” your feelings is probably something to explore.

[Alvi]

5 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

“protect” your feelings is probably something to explore.

No, I was talking in general. I wasn't that upset about this particular guy  I little bit disappointed maybe. I felt like he was trying to keep me hanging on just in case. For me, blocking is a way to put someone out of my mind completely.

8 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said:

I enjoyed our date, but don’t feel we’re a match. Good luck with your search.”

I usually say that if I don't feel any chemistry and don't want to meet up again. But he is the one who should've sent me this if he wasn't interested in seeing me again instead of giving me one word replies. I think that he is more upset that I actually dared to block him rather than the fact that he is not that interested in a first place.

[Despin]

There's no need to block someone who isn't harassing you in some manner.

It comes across as spiteful. "You aren't interested in me? Fine! I got the last word, you are BLOCKED!"

Unmatching him is all that you really needed to do, then move on with your life and stop putting so much time and emotional effort into a guy who is clearly not interested.

 

 

[Alvi]

25 minutes ago, Despin said:

It comes across as spiteful. "You aren't interested in me? Fine! I got the last word, you are BLOCKED!"

Oh, OK. I didn't look at it this way. I didn't mean to be spiteful. I only wanted to close this very brief chapter of my life completely. If he wasn't into me, he should've let me know instead of doing slow fade. This is even more cruel in my opinion than blocking. Also, I didn't want him to come back at some pint and start sniffing around me again. Some flaky individuals come back again and again if you leave a door even slightly ajar. They may not be into you that much but they would come back once they hit a dry spell. But even with me blocking him, he still came back. 

Anyway, I have decided to write him a nice message and apologize for blocking him. Not going to put any blame on him whatsoever for his actions but I am going to let him know that I am not interested in taking this any further. I am going to wish him good luck and all the best.

[flitzanu]

i don't think you owe him an apology.  you can literally block anyone you want for any reason, and now you're reacting to him being "angry" and griping at you telling you what you can and cannot do.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Alvi said:

Anyway, I have decided to write him a nice message and apologize for blocking him. Not going to put any blame on him whatsoever for his actions but I am going to let him know that I am not interested in taking this any further. I am going to wish him good luck and all the best.

Honey, no. 

You barely know this guy. You owe him zero explanation and zero apology. Don't let some man you hardly know make you feel bad about yourself just because his ego got hurt when you blocked him. 

I would not reply to him at all, and yep, I would block him again. Dude needs to grow a thicker skin. 

 

[Wiseman2]

5 hours ago, Alvi said:

Blocking him again or telling him that I don't intend on spending my time with wishy washy guys and block him? 

Blocking is fine. Especially with someone backtracking through the black book because of a dry spell, horny, striking out elsewhere, etc.

Do not bother educating him on his behavior/your preferences.

The best system is to delete and block all dead weight from dating apps, messaging apps and social media. Who needs that background noise?

[ShyViolet]

This whole thing took a weird turn with him getting mad at you for blocking him.  At this point there's no way this can be salvaged.

However, in regards to you initially blocking him... I do think it was weird and excessive for you to block him.  You already said that he was pulling away, was no longer texting you, hadn't asked you out again, and when you would text him, he would give one-word answers.  If you had simply not texted him anymore, it sounds like he wouldn't have texted you either.  So why was it necessary to block him?  That just seems excessive.  

[basil67]

I think you were both wrong.

I think it's good manners to send a tactful 'thanks but no thanks' and agree with the idea that blocking is really only needed if the person continues to contact you.   But likewise, he should have kept his thoughts on your and your actions to himself.    

[Alvi]

56 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

If you had simply not texted him anymore, it sounds like he wouldn't have texted you either.  So why was it necessary to block him?  

I didn't want for him to contact me later on. Based on my experiences, majority of men who ghosted or slow faded on me dis come back later on. It could be weeks, months or even years later. Most of them do get in touch at some point and either want a second chance or act like we are old friends or something or expect a booty call. Even with this guy, he did come back and wants us to continue. In one message he managed to tell that that he is butt hurt about me blocking him, while  telling me that he wants us to continue whatever we started month and month ago. I guess he is either going through a dry spell or totally forgot that he wasn't that much into me in a first place. I bet on a dry spell. I am only guessing, but perhaps he wantsme to feel guilty and agree to whatever that is he wants from me (sex). 

 

Edited September 21, 2022 by Alvi

[basil67]

2 minutes ago, Alvi said:

I didn't want for him to contact me later on. Based on my experiences, majority of men who ghosted or slow faded on me dis come back later on......

If you've verbally ended it and they come back, this is very much the time to block them

[Alvi]

And another question. Why get upset at all if a person whom you didn't want to date in a first place blocks you? Honestly, what difference  is there if you are not into them in a first place? For me, personally, it would make no difference whatsoever. I would not get hurt or upset if a guy, who I don't like, decides to block me or end the contact. Don't want to go into details, but in one such case I actually felt a sense of relief. I might not even notice them blocking me.

[Alvi]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

If you've verbally ended it and they come back, this is very much the time to block them

But how can I say anything if they ghost or slow fade on me before I get a chance? Like with this guy, it took me few days to realize that he wasn't interested. Had he communicated his lack of interest to me a lot sooner, I would wish him well and move on without blocking. Is there a point after handful of dates to say  "I don't think that you are interested in me. All the best!" I think this is too dramatic.

[Alvi]

4 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Honey, no. 

You barely know this guy. You owe him zero explanation and zero apology. Don't let some man you hardly know make you feel bad about yourself just because his ego got hurt when you blocked him. 

I would not reply to him at all, and yep, I would block him again. Dude needs to grow a thicker skin. 

 

Thank you! I didn't reply to him at all. My friend told me exactly same thing as you did. She told me to block this guy. Yes, he did made me feel bad about myself for no reason. I mean, the audacity of this guy to come back month later and give me a hard time because I dared to block him. But hey, he wasn't that into me anyway. But how dare I? But at the same time he wants us to pick up where we left off. Mindboggling. 

So, I am not going to do anything. Not going to reply to him. And if he writes to me again, I am going to let him know that I am not interested and block him at that point. He sounds like a timewaster to me.

 

[Alvi]

Anyway, I think that this guy is already renting too much space in my head. I am not going to give this matter anymore thought and I consider it to be closed. On to the next! Perhaps I wasn't entirely right, but I wasn't entirely wrong either.  thank you everybody for your responses!

[Alvi]

OK, here is an update.

I actually started dating this guy. Never thought that I would in a million years. In the past, I would simply block him and move on but we started talking more. It's only been about two month but so far so good. We meet each other 2-3 tunes a week and text each other few times a day. So far, he has been very consistent. Before going out with him again, I basically told him that I am looking for a long term relationship and don't want to waste my time with the guys who slow fade or ghost. I talked about my feelings, things that I am looking for in a relationship, boundaries and what I am willing and not willing to put up with. It was both ways, not just me talking all the time, lol. I think that I am communicating better with him this time around by being completely honest and letting him know about my wants and needs. In the past, I would often sugar coat things or be more political about how I say certain things or try to act or be someone that I am not. But now with him, I am being me. What he sees is what he gets.  I feel like he is honest with me too so far (but who really knows). 

On the other hand, I feel more relaxed with him that I've been with other guys. I am no longer needy or anxious. I don't sit by the phone waiting for him to phone or to text me. I have no idea what the future holds for us, but whatever happens, I think that I am going to be fine. He puts lots of effort to ask me out and arranges all of our dates. I don't think he is lovebombing me, I feel like he really wants to give this a chance. I think that he dated other women and thinks that I am a better choice for him (at least I hope so),  He may slow fade on me again but I feel a lot stronger right now and I feel I am going to be OK. 

He asked me to be his girlfriend on Wednesday and I agreed. We have deleted our profiles on a dating site. I want to take things slowly and see what happens.

Reflecting back, I expected too much too soon. You can't expect a guy to commit to you after only two dates.  I was acting a bit clingy and probably overtexted him a bit.

I am enjoying our dates so far and taking it one day (or rather date) at a time. That's all I can do I think.

[Versacehottie]

Omygosh i was reading this without looking at the dates thinking it was in present time....I was going to say you should throw caution to the wind and just go out with him once..only to read to the end of the thread and see that you are dating.  This is great💕

[smackie9]

Well there you go...good honest communication is always the way to go. This would have never happened or even continued if you didn't express your expectations. Plus your relationship will greatly improve if you keep it up.

[Gaeta]

I'm happy you're having a good time @Alvi

I think you didn't experience anxiety this time around because you expected him to ghost you again. Your expectation were low therefore you didn't sabotage yourself  by chasing him and you had no worry expressing your standards. 

Maybe back in April he was dating someone else, it doesn't really matter. What matters is that now you both got each other's attention and you're exclusive.