cagedunicorn Posted September 22, 2022 Share Posted September 22, 2022 Considering I have experienced an abusive relationship it is possible I’m letting my fears get the best of me or am I shrug 🤷🏽♀️ presently i decided to move from my home state To be engaged and living with a man that I’ve known for about 10 years. 🤯 since coming together April of this year We’ve had some serious challenges. conversations quickly turn into arguments i’ve been told ” I think I’m better than him“ “I’m too sensitive & emotional” ”I’m weak & he cannot have a weak woman” “I act like a *nigga ( we are both black) “go back to your state I don’t like you anymore” he triggers easily and when he does it is usually my fault “why do you purposely frustrate me?” ”if you know how I am why say & do certain things?” **SCENARIO** after noticing that there was smoke coming from a wooden rocking chair, I laughed when I realized it was just a burning incense.. but then I thought and said. “Is this a good idea?” he confirmed it made sense to him so I put it back and left it alone going back to what I was doing. he followed me into another room. ”so you got an attitude now?” ” let me do what I wanna do you’re not my mother“ “ you think everything I do is wrong“ “ I didn’t ask your opinion or your suggestions I don’t care what you think about what I’m doing” we also have situations of him accusing me of cheating he accused me of finding a “boyfriend” in the new state he’s also accused me of flying back to my home state to see my boyfriend ** ( I flew back for my sister‘s 55th birthday party) -I unfortunately got stuck in the airport all night and he believed that was a lie I know these things are not healthy it is however impossible that something I’m doing or saying is triggering these behaviors and could trigger them in any man Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted September 22, 2022 Share Posted September 22, 2022 9 minutes ago, cagedunicorn said: t is however impossible that something I’m doing or saying is triggering these behaviors and could trigger them in any man No it's just that he's abusive and this relationship is a mess. You need to leave him and go home. It's never going to work because he's always going to treat you this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 23, 2022 Share Posted September 23, 2022 Clearly, he is a steaming mess. Drop him. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted September 23, 2022 Share Posted September 23, 2022 (edited) 2 hours ago, cagedunicorn said: I know these things are not healthy it is however impossible that something I’m doing or saying is triggering these behaviors and could trigger them in any man No, he is a jerk. I wouldn’t waste too much time trying to analyze this, if I was you. I would simply pack my bags and leave. No man will ever talk to me that way. Edited September 23, 2022 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 23, 2022 Share Posted September 23, 2022 8 hours ago, cagedunicorn said: go back to your state Sorry this is happening. It's not working out. Yes move out and move home. Why stay in a warzone like this? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted September 26, 2022 Share Posted September 26, 2022 On 9/22/2022 at 7:38 PM, cagedunicorn said: Considering I have experienced an abusive relationship it is possible I’m letting my fears get the best of me or am I shrug 🤷🏽♀️ presently i decided to move from my home state To be engaged and living with a man that I’ve known for about 10 years. 🤯 since coming together April of this year We’ve had some serious challenges. conversations quickly turn into arguments i’ve been told ” I think I’m better than him“ “I’m too sensitive & emotional” ”I’m weak & he cannot have a weak woman” “I act like a *nigga ( we are both black) “go back to your state I don’t like you anymore” he triggers easily and when he does it is usually my fault “why do you purposely frustrate me?” ”if you know how I am why say & do certain things?” **SCENARIO** after noticing that there was smoke coming from a wooden rocking chair, I laughed when I realized it was just a burning incense.. but then I thought and said. “Is this a good idea?” he confirmed it made sense to him so I put it back and left it alone going back to what I was doing. he followed me into another room. ”so you got an attitude now?” ” let me do what I wanna do you’re not my mother“ “ you think everything I do is wrong“ “ I didn’t ask your opinion or your suggestions I don’t care what you think about what I’m doing” we also have situations of him accusing me of cheating he accused me of finding a “boyfriend” in the new state he’s also accused me of flying back to my home state to see my boyfriend ** ( I flew back for my sister‘s 55th birthday party) -I unfortunately got stuck in the airport all night and he believed that was a lie I know these things are not healthy it is however impossible that something I’m doing or saying is triggering these behaviors and could trigger them in any man You are having problems. You said you’ve known him fir 10 years. How well did you think you knew him? my feeling is that it might have a lot to do with words chosen in saying things which causes the other to get defensive or to create confrontation. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted September 26, 2022 Share Posted September 26, 2022 On 9/22/2022 at 4:38 PM, cagedunicorn said: Considering I have experienced an abusive relationship it is possible I’m letting my fears get the best of me or am I shrug 🤷🏽♀️ presently i decided to move from my home state To be engaged and living with a man that I’ve known for about 10 years. 🤯 since coming together April of this year We’ve had some serious challenges. conversations quickly turn into arguments i’ve been told ” I think I’m better than him“ “I’m too sensitive & emotional” ”I’m weak & he cannot have a weak woman” “I act like a *nigga ( we are both black) “go back to your state I don’t like you anymore” he triggers easily and when he does it is usually my fault “why do you purposely frustrate me?” ”if you know how I am why say & do certain things?” **SCENARIO** after noticing that there was smoke coming from a wooden rocking chair, I laughed when I realized it was just a burning incense.. but then I thought and said. “Is this a good idea?” he confirmed it made sense to him so I put it back and left it alone going back to what I was doing. he followed me into another room. ”so you got an attitude now?” ” let me do what I wanna do you’re not my mother“ “ you think everything I do is wrong“ “ I didn’t ask your opinion or your suggestions I don’t care what you think about what I’m doing” we also have situations of him accusing me of cheating he accused me of finding a “boyfriend” in the new state he’s also accused me of flying back to my home state to see my boyfriend ** ( I flew back for my sister‘s 55th birthday party) -I unfortunately got stuck in the airport all night and he believed that was a lie I know these things are not healthy it is however impossible that something I’m doing or saying is triggering these behaviors and could trigger them in any man I’m sorry you’re going through this or listening to this. He sounds deeply insecure and unstable. This is not meant to sound harsh - I think you have a lot of work to be done with your self-esteem as you’re continuing to date abusers. In addition and what might be more alarming, you’re looking for reasons to excuse him and his abuse. Please stop this cycle for your own health and well-being. Link to post Share on other sites
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