Waiting for the chance, but for how long?

[McJr760]

How long is truly an appropriate time to reach out to an ex about potentially fixing things? For some background I attached my passages about the break up. Heres the (not so) cliff notes version: Met a beautiful woman after not dating for 6 years. We dated for almost 5 months and I got pretty attached. We pronounced our love for each other that in hindsight was probably just lust and the yearning to feel wanted. She eventually said she needed some time apart, but that was harder for me. Being so attached, I feel like it was co-dependency and she might have been feeling overwhelmed. However we did have talks about the future and what could potentially be. Knowing her, I can understand why she would need the time to herself. I just have this feeling gnawing at me that if I contact her at the right time that we could reignite our flame and continue where we left off. I really can see myself with her for the rest of my life, and I'm not just saying that because I hadn't been with someone in so long. I"ve dated and things never felt right with those people. The only problem is that she has trust issues from past trauma by an ex boyfriend and other shitty people in her life. With that she came up with some notions of me being obsessed with another woman who lived across the country. I could really use some advice about how to convince her that I'm a trustworthy person without gaslighting? And how long do you think I should wait until sending out that message of reconciliation? 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, McJr760 said:

I could really use some advice about how to convince her that I'm a trustworthy person without gaslighting?

You can't. 

If she wanted to give you the chance to demonstrate that, she would have. But she's opted out. You should never have to convince someone to date you, OP. You should never have to convince someone that you are a decent person. When you reach that point, you're trying to hang on to someone that is not interested that way anymore. 

So, my vote is don't send the message of reconciliation. You are very unlikely to get a favourable response. 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, McJr760 said:

  how long do you think I should wait until sending out that message of reconciliation? 

 

She knows your contact info so if she wants to talk or get back together, she'll contact you. You don't solve feeling suffocated by suffocating them more. Pull back. Let the dust settle and consider it over unless she contacts you.

[McJr760]

15 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You can't. 

If she wanted to give you the chance to demonstrate that, she would have. But she's opted out. You should never have to convince someone to date you, OP. You should never have to convince someone that you are a decent person. When you reach that point, you're trying to hang on to someone that is not interested that way anymore. 

So, my vote is don't send the message of reconciliation. You are very unlikely to get a favourable response. 

Well about ten minutes ago she texted me saying she's making some chili and asked if I wanted some..should I accept? Seeing that kinda made my chest hurt 

[Mrin]

21 minutes ago, McJr760 said:

Well about ten minutes ago she texted me saying she's making some chili and asked if I wanted some..should I accept? Seeing that kinda made my chest hurt 

Out of the blue? Sure. Why not. But if you do rekindle, let it be her idea. Not yours.

[McJr760]

12 minutes ago, Mrin said:

Out of the blue? Sure. Why not. But if you do rekindle, let it be her idea. Not yours.

I accepted her offer of chili lol I offered some elk steak in return. I will most definitely go with what feels right. I won't bring up getting back together unless she says so. I have a feeling this is like her testing the waters. I also need to know if I really want to get back with her. Really going to play it by year.