Traumatic event flipped mother child relationship and the mess after

[Createdchaos13]

6 years ago, my daughter and grandson moved home with me leaving a abusive relationship and the goal was to get her stable and moved back out. 6 months later, I was S/A in a home invasion in the home while the kids were on vacation. This left me with severe PTSD and agoraphobia for 2 years and my daughter stayed with me, and helped me through the most difficult part of my life. Our roles changed as she began caring for me. During this time also, her “abusive “ but changed boyfriend moved in my house, and the rules were he was to be working full time and saving money so they could find a place to live. I will say he has changed in the way he treats her, and accepts responsibility for his behavior, and hasn’t had any anger issues that I’ve noticed. During their breakup, he had another child with another girl that he has now more than 70% of the time, and was ordered to pay a huge amount of child support because at the time he was “self employed “. 
I have had an immense amount of therapy, and have overcame my agoraphobia and life for me is back to normal as much as it can be. This has been this way for almost 2 years.

 I have had several talks with them about moving out, they make plans and it never happens. The issue is, he won’t work. He has his own business, sets his own hours, works once or twice a week and thinks it’s ok. My daughter works full time, always has. She won’t hold him accountable for anything. This last summer I gave a date for them to move by, 2 weeks before the date, he went and bought a truck with a payment on it, saying he needed his own vehicle to transport the boys, and that prevented them from moving. That truck still sits in my driveway because they can’t afford to liscence it.  She is now 6 months pregnant, and I have no room for another child. I have a 3 bedroom home. I know they can’t afford it. With child support and a truck payment, utilities rent ect. There’s no way. He refuses to let her get help with housing, saying they don’t need it, and I think he believes this crap or at least gets her to believe it.
By now I’m getting tired of the excuses and I’ve said they need to go, when I do, my daughter rages at me. She will go ballistic on me, saying she doesn’t have to go anywhere, he doesn’t have to go, I’ll have to evict them, and if I do, I won’t see my grandkids and I am just lost. 
She has turned into a manipulative person, angry, guilt trips all the time. Never apologizes, but yet still expects me to care for these kids when she works. She knows that screaming and hollering set off my ptsd and uses that to get me to stop saying they have to move out. 
They’ve said they don’t have the money, they’re trying, can’t find a place to live, the place doesn’t accept pets, not big enough always an excuse. She’s vindictive and I know she’ll keep the boys from me if I follow through with it. My grandson has been with me since he was 6 months old. This would absolutely devastate him and me if she did this. I’m just lost. She is my only child. I know I have a lot of responsibility in this as well, and have allowed this to happen because of the circumstances. She was never like this before, I just have no idea what to do. 

I

[stillafool]

OMG, it sounds like you're living in a nightmare.  I would give them a date to move out and on that date I'd have the locks changed on the doors so they couldn't get back in.  Then set up a date with them to collect their belongings.  

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Createdchaos13 said:

 This has been this way ’ll have to evict them, and if I do, I won’t see my grandkids and I am just lost. 

You could evict them or get a restraining order. Either way you need your peace without being abused and extorted. Are they on drugs? Why can't they afford an apt? 

[BrinnM]

21 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Are they on drugs? Why can't they afford an apt? 

Rent has gone up a lot recently, and it’s gonna be close to impossible to find an affordable place, and/or to purchase a home, with prices & interest rates up like crazy. But that’s beyond the point. Apparently the daughter is already working full time; so it’s up to the guy to step up to the plate, and get a full time job as well, rather than just working twice a week and buying a new truck that he can’t afford to get a registration for. I would kick them out for sure, and as far as not seeing the grandkid: I wouldn’t be worried; they’ll still need free childcare. The way they’re treating OP is terrible. Especially the daughter. Sad. I’m sorry, @Createdchaos13

Edited September 23, 2022 by BrinnM