Burden of My Best Friend

[Sizen]

So my best friend and I have been friends for 12 years. He has always had my back in everything and I have had his too.. Well the last one year and a half. He has been I feel like a toxic relationship with this woman not even officially dating. And I keep telling him to leave but he can’t.. So recently he asked me what he needs to do but I’d didn’t know what to tell him. He said this girl always wants to hang out with 7 of her blood sisters everywhere the two go.. and I didn’t know what to tell him. So he said he told her he doesn’t want to hang out with her sisters and only with her and she got very upset and started making TikTok and on instagram about him rejecting the sisters btw she’s 36. Well,  I told him to leave her alone she has enmeshment issues and too much trauma but she has a hook on him. What advice should I give him? He is not the same anymore. 

[mark clemson]

Yeah, some people tolerate bad relationships for quite some time (and sometimes forever) before it finally becomes so bad that they leave. Not sure what will happen with him, but it sounds like that is what's going on.

Given the social "outing" they are doing about what should be personal matters, it won't surprise me if the whole lot of them "bash him" if/when he finally decides to leave. They sound like an at least mildly toxic bunch. I recommend he go "full no contact" if/when he leaves to minimize the impact of any shenanigans/post-relationship abuse.

It's his life, so there is only so much you can do. Eventually he'll "find the inner fortitude" to leave. Or not, and he'll be stuck with it.

Feel free to show him this post if you think it'll help.

Edited September 23, 2022 by mark clemson

[Alpacalia]

Sorry to hear about your friend.

Normally I would say grab him by the hand, pack his suitcase and get him away from her before things get out of hand.

My best male friend from childhood, he just got engaged. Before he met his now fiancée, he had been completely infatuated with some women that we did not particularly care for.

I'm afraid though that when it comes to what you can do, there isn't much you can do.  

He has to realize this more than you. If he doesn't feel the same as you. Nothing you say will matter much.

Getting involved in your friend's relationships might lead to a rift. He may hesitate to approach you if he really needs your help because of past interference.

Your friend has to to set up his own boundaries that don't enable “jerkish behavior.”

Give your friend the opportunity to talk about the situation on his own terms. Don't be forceful in your conversation. Having to talk about his relationship can be very challenging for your friend, but let him know that you would like to be there for him.

[Wiseman2]

15 hours ago, Sizen said:

 she has a hook on him. What advice should I give him? He is not the same anymore. 

It seems like he wants to vent rather than ask your advice or change anything. So let him deal with his GF. That way you have peace and don't have to worry about his dating woes. Just change the subject.

[glows]

On 9/23/2022 at 10:43 AM, Sizen said:

So my best friend and I have been friends for 12 years. He has always had my back in everything and I have had his too.. Well the last one year and a half. He has been I feel like a toxic relationship with this woman not even officially dating. And I keep telling him to leave but he can’t.. So recently he asked me what he needs to do but I’d didn’t know what to tell him. He said this girl always wants to hang out with 7 of her blood sisters everywhere the two go.. and I didn’t know what to tell him. So he said he told her he doesn’t want to hang out with her sisters and only with her and she got very upset and started making TikTok and on instagram about him rejecting the sisters btw she’s 36. Well,  I told him to leave her alone she has enmeshment issues and too much trauma but she has a hook on him. What advice should I give him? He is not the same anymore. 

He’s asking you for your advice but that’s not always warranted. I’d respectfully bow out on that and tell him you wish the best for him but you’ve made your feelings known about his relationship and don’t wish to repeat yourself again. Don’t get dragged into this or enable what he’s doing. Let him vent and  do something else together. Hang out, eat, go somewhere. Unfortunately you can’t make anyone see things your way especially if he’s reluctant to move on.