Gaeta Posted September 23, 2022 Share Posted September 23, 2022 Most of you know my back story. Two years ago, I went through a very difficult heartbreak. I went back to dating and cumulated a bunch of disappointments one after the other. Friends, family and colleagues witnessed me going through this journey and they all have the same words of encouragement: Don't give up! You will meet someone again. Then it happened! I met someone I'm excited about! We are very much into each other, but we take it slow. We have 1 date a week, we hold hand, and we kiss. That's it! Of course, through the week we videocall, we both enjoy politics, arts, humor, cooking, and so on. It's never boring. To my surprise, everybody is raining on my parade!!! NO ONE said they're happy I met someone (except my daughters) but when I was dating men I was so-so about they were all telling me to give it time, maybe I'm too demanding, maybe I expect too much from men etc etc. So now, what I'm hearing is 'slow down'.....slow down on what? we have 1 sex-less date a week! and then they tell me to get to know him first, isn't that what I'm doing right now? When I met my ex we were spending our weekends together after our 3rd date. No one commented on that. Anyway, I think I needed to vent. I think from now on I'll keep my excitement to myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted September 23, 2022 Share Posted September 23, 2022 That’s weird. The only thing I could see is that with guys you weren’t excited about you were more cautious so they didn’t worry. Now you’re excited so they worry about you getting heartbroken again. I’d just reassure them that you still have your head on your shoulders. You’re not jumping to marry the guy any time soon… 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 23, 2022 Share Posted September 23, 2022 2 hours ago, Gaeta said: Anyway, I think I needed to vent. I think from now on I'll keep my excitement to myself. Good idea. That's what I like to do! Happy to hear things are going well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 24, 2022 Share Posted September 24, 2022 13 hours ago, Gaeta said: To my surprise, everybody is raining on my parade!!! NO ONE said they're happy I met someone . So now, what I'm hearing is 'slow down'.....slow down on what? That's ok. As long as you're happy. They're not really "raining on your parade", they may just have more of a wait and see stance. Because they don't want to get caught in the middle. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted September 24, 2022 Author Share Posted September 24, 2022 I'm heading to a family b'day party out of town. Let's see. All of them will ask me about my dating life, they akways ask. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted September 24, 2022 Share Posted September 24, 2022 18 hours ago, Gaeta said: So now, what I'm hearing is 'slow down'.....slow down on what? we have 1 sex-less date a week! My best guess would be slow down on your feelings, your excitement, or try to as it's still very very early stages and they've been down this road with you before. Again, just a guess without knowing them. They mean well Gaeta, they love you and don't want to see you disappointed again or heartbroken It comes from a good caring place imo, not from wanting to rain on your parade. That's my take anyway. If me, I'd try and tone down talking about him until it passes the test of time. In the meantime, be happy and enjoy! 🥰 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted September 24, 2022 Share Posted September 24, 2022 Time to close that pandoras box with your family. Just say you are turning a new leaf and don't want to make it a topic of conversation anymore. Or just divert the conversation/dismiss the question with a vague answer that makes the conversation go nowhere. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted September 24, 2022 Share Posted September 24, 2022 Gaeta, we can't change other people's actions or reactions, we can only change our own in response theteto. Instead of expecting them to change or respond differently, change what you choose to share with them. Thats what I do and have done when people bring me down. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted September 24, 2022 Share Posted September 24, 2022 3 hours ago, Gaeta said: I'm heading to a family b'day party out of town. Let's see. All of them will ask me about my dating life, they akways ask. I don’t think the venting is what is needed here Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted September 24, 2022 Share Posted September 24, 2022 (edited) It doesn't mean that you need to take privacy to an extreme level, where you cannot tell your family and friends what's going on in what you're doing in your love life, just because you want to keep some things private. The idea of maintaining privacy in your relationship is all about understanding that dating someone is not a means or a tool to satisfy or impress others, but an area of your life that is best enjoyed privately. Your relationship is exactly that: your relationship. Growing up, I always wanted people to know that I was with someone. That someone chose to be with me. My gut would be overridden if I didn't like him based on what my friends thought. In other words, I was dating for others, not for myself. That doesn't let you choose your partner for YOU. Instead, you choose someone who your friends and family will like. It's not so much about keeping it private but that you're choosing what you want to share with others. Sure, you may talk about your relationships with friends and complain about something annoying your guy does, but they don’t know the whole story. And they don’t need to know. Spend that time getting to know who he is and who you are next to him. Edited September 24, 2022 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 25, 2022 Share Posted September 25, 2022 I don't tell anyone at all until about 3 months. I also feel like it's difficult to constantly tell people that things didn't work out and then they would sometimes make insensitive comments like "I am so lucky to have my Jim" or "How come things never stick with you?". But then, I don't have super close friends that mean well. I also feel like there is more pressure once I tell people to make it work and I certainly don't need the pressure. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted September 25, 2022 Share Posted September 25, 2022 On 9/24/2022 at 8:47 AM, Gaeta said: I'm heading to a family b'day party out of town. Let's see. All of them will ask me about my dating life, they akways ask. Oh boy, they will want details. What you can do is be bland/vague. "Seeing someone, it's going well" . Answer any nosy questions with " not sure yet, we'll have to see". Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted September 25, 2022 Author Share Posted September 25, 2022 (edited) So they asked about my new guy, what he does, how old is he, kids, do I have pictures, etc etc. They did not rain on my parade BUT they joked about him being good looking and younger so they didn't take our dating seriously. That's alright, the proof is in the pudding so let's start whipping some cream! Edited September 25, 2022 by Gaeta Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted September 25, 2022 Share Posted September 25, 2022 1 hour ago, Gaeta said: That's alright, the proof is in the pudding so let's start whipping some cream! Ok, sounds good! So when are you going to have sex with him and seal this deal? 😍 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gaeta Posted September 25, 2022 Author Share Posted September 25, 2022 24 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Ok, sounds good! So when are you going to have sex with him and seal this deal? 😍 Lol you funny girl 😉 Getting close. I think in 2 more dates it will be enough wait. Link to post Share on other sites
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