What does this sound like

[Confushious]

My past two years with the man I was dating the following things occurred. I wanted to get some feedback on what it sounds like from an outsider looking in. Here it goes.
One night I was left at a bar without being told he was leaving.  Come to find out he walked back to my place atleast a half a mile away, in the dark on Halloween drunk.  Plus left his phone in my car.  I drove us to the restaurant. 

He had contacted my ex via Facebook and later called on phone several times  just to ask him questions about me and compare relationships. while we were still together 

Another time Grabbed a drink out of my hand and threw it across his kitchen floor because of a conversation we were having.  Yes he was drinking as well. We were not drunk.  

Have been left tons of convoluted voicemails some 5 minuets long saying things like to f(;))))$(&&?)…myself whenever we got into a disagreement. 
I ask myself all the time why I stayed in this relationship so long…..we had so much in common and there were a lot of good times, but am I right to think this isn’t a healthy relationship?  It’s been a month since I’ve last seen him. The last day he was at my house he knew I didn’t want to live together and was looking for a place of his own. I had agreeded he could stay with me till the end of the year. in hopes he’d fin something sooner. His reply was that puts a lot pressure on him and wasn’t a lot of time. I disagree. He packed some close and other belongings and left, didn’t say goodbye.
 

Since then I told him I don’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore. His temper is more than I can handle and it’s time for letting go. He sent me a message the other day stating :dear god I miss you. I have not responded to anything he has sent me in a few weeks. I also told him I need time away from him.  Even after all this he left a note on my car the other day saying I hope I’m well and he misses me. I have no intentions of getting back together with him. Somehow I think he believes there’s hope.  Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated

[stillafool]

Thank goodness he's away from you now.  He's been very abusive to you so much so that the good things about him don't seem to matter.  He probably still doesn't have a permanent place to stay and could be trying to sweet talk his way back into your place.  You are doing right by not answering his calls.  Hopefully he took all of his belongings when he left.   Oh, I just read back some of your previous threads.  This isn't the same abusive boyfriend you broke up with before is it?

Edited September 23, 2022 by stillafool

[Confushious]

Unfortunately he still has some more belongings here.  I told him when he’s ready I will return them to him. I don’t hate him This is actually really hard. I know it’s best for me though. Hard starting over. Wish things turned out better but I know he won’t change. We’ve been in and off the entire almost two years. Enough is enough. 

[stillafool]

Is this the same ex?

[Confushious]

No

[Confushious]

I have bad luck when it comes to men. 

[stillafool]

You chose the wrong men.  Therapy can help you with that.

[Confushious]

It has crossed my mind to condsider talking to someone

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Confushious said:

Unfortunately he still has some more belongings here.  I told him when he’s ready I will return them to him. I don’t hate him This is actually really hard. I know it’s best for me though. Hard starting over. Wish things turned out better but I know he won’t change. We’ve been in and off the entire almost two years. Enough is enough. 

Sorry this happened. It sounds like he drinks way too much and you dodged a bullet.

On/off relationships are fraught with unresolved incompatibilities and conflicts combined with unhealthy attachments and lack of other opportunities. 

Pack up his stuff, but it's his responsibility to collect his belongings. Make a clean break this time and reflect on why you engaged in an on off situation for this long.

[Confushious]

Good advice. I think that is exactly what I’m going to do. Reflex,,,, 

[glows]

15 hours ago, Confushious said:

My past two years with the man I was dating the following things occurred. I wanted to get some feedback on what it sounds like from an outsider looking in. Here it goes.
One night I was left at a bar without being told he was leaving.  Come to find out he walked back to my place atleast a half a mile away, in the dark on Halloween drunk.  Plus left his phone in my car.  I drove us to the restaurant. 

He had contacted my ex via Facebook and later called on phone several times  just to ask him questions about me and compare relationships. while we were still together 

Another time Grabbed a drink out of my hand and threw it across his kitchen floor because of a conversation we were having.  Yes he was drinking as well. We were not drunk.  

Have been left tons of convoluted voicemails some 5 minuets long saying things like to f(;))))$(&&?)…myself whenever we got into a disagreement. 
I ask myself all the time why I stayed in this relationship so long…..we had so much in common and there were a lot of good times, but am I right to think this isn’t a healthy relationship?  It’s been a month since I’ve last seen him. The last day he was at my house he knew I didn’t want to live together and was looking for a place of his own. I had agreeded he could stay with me till the end of the year. in hopes he’d fin something sooner. His reply was that puts a lot pressure on him and wasn’t a lot of time. I disagree. He packed some close and other belongings and left, didn’t say goodbye.
 

Since then I told him I don’t want to be in a relationship with him anymore. His temper is more than I can handle and it’s time for letting go. He sent me a message the other day stating :dear god I miss you. I have not responded to anything he has sent me in a few weeks. I also told him I need time away from him.  Even after all this he left a note on my car the other day saying I hope I’m well and he misses me. I have no intentions of getting back together with him. Somehow I think he believes there’s hope.  Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated

It sounds like a break up and for good reason. Let him go. If you’re feeling down, feel what you need to feel and get a move on it. Do other things with your time. He has to remove his belongings so make that clear or with enough notice it is going into the trash/recycling or will be donated. 

[understand50]

Confushious,

Please start valuing yourself.  There is no reason to stay or have any type of relationship with someone  just because they want to.  Guy sounds like a huge problem going forward, and will give you nothing but grief.  Some people, are just not relationship material.  They just do not know how to put their partner first, and be part of a team.  Looks like he is self centered, and you are just a part of one of his possessions.

OBTW, in the future, when you have another boyfriend, lover, or ...   Look to see that they fight fair.  I mean by that they key in on what is the issue at hand and do not bring in any past stuff that has been resolved.  Also, someone who loses his temper, should be avoided.  This is unacceptable.

So, think enough about yourself to insist on someone who treats you will respect.  I think that above, lust, looks, and maybe love, that is the most important thing.

I wish you luck.

 

[Confushious]

Thank you. I don’t know why I’m down I don’t miss the BS,,,, I just feel very lonely now. Very empty. 

[glows]

5 minutes ago, Confushious said:

Thank you. I don’t know why I’m down I don’t miss the BS,,,, I just feel very lonely now. Very empty. 

This is not uncommon. As I said let yourself feel what you need to feel but cap it to a limit and move on with other things in your day. Healing isn’t overnight. It’s a journey so please don’t expect miracles of yourself.

[stillafool]

22 hours ago, Confushious said:

Thank you. I don’t know why I’m down I don’t miss the BS,,,, I just feel very lonely now. Very empty. 

Ride it out.  What you're feeling is normal after a break up.  Have someone with you when he collects his things or arrange to not be there.  This guy is bad news.

[Confushious]

I was better today. Yesterday marked a month since I’ve seen him. Get stronger everyday….. it gets easier. Wish I could turn off the memories though.  I guess in time.   Being alone again is tough, but I’m getting back in my feet slowly.  Than you everyone for encouraging me know I’m making the rite decision. Wish I made it sooner…..

[glows]

2 hours ago, Confushious said:

I was better today. Yesterday marked a month since I’ve seen him. Get stronger everyday….. it gets easier. Wish I could turn off the memories though.  I guess in time.   Being alone again is tough, but I’m getting back in my feet slowly.  Than you everyone for encouraging me know I’m making the rite decision. Wish I made it sooner…..

That’s ok. But try not to get dragged down in regret. We all have some parts we wish we could change. He treated you miserably and used you like a verbal punching bag. Does he also tend to have problems with drinking as in often abusive and knockdown drunk? How is any of this attractive or conducive to seeing a future? You lived with him and saw firsthand what he was. He’s gone and thank heavens you’re fine. Don’t second guess yourself and change your locks or rekey your place and install cameras on your property for peace of mind. Also remove him from any joint accounts and sever any financial ties.

[Confushious]

Yes I thought to change the locks but I live in a gated community. Cameras as well. I wasn’t innocent by any means in the relationship, but I had my temper under control and tried to keep an even keel most times. What hurts the most is one of the last things he said to me was I was selfish. A man who I’ve helped take care of for almost two years. Might I add he has diabetes, had a diabetic stroke, and a heart attach. Not all at once of course. Offer him a place to stay when he has nowhere to go but IM SELFISH??? Visited him in the hospital when he wasn’t well.  For what,,,,, to walk away,,,in the end. 😞 sad. Very sad