He insulted my music taste, red flag?

[Lattes4Days]

I'm seeing a new guy and things are going GREAT. Like, wow this could be IT, great. Well, I sent him a music video of a rap song I really like (I'm in my late 20s, he's in his 30s) and at first I was scared to send it because I wasn't sure if he'd like it, but I figured he might actually like it and its a song that I consider to be a favorite of mine. He said its "not his taste and that kind of music is not a good look on you (me)." He went on to say that I'm perfect except for my love of rap. Kinda bummed about this. He sent me a song he liked that I didnt care for but I didnt insult his taste for it, I just said cool and moved on. Then this happened. I'm wondering if this is a red flag or I'm just being too sensitive? 

Edited September 24, 2022 by Lattes4Days

[Alpacalia]

Is it the rap song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHBgMOFc9AI

I actually like that song. Send that one to him!

Even so, I am totally guilty of turning the volume down when I hear really heavy metal music.

Whatever performer, artist, or song brings you joy, that's what matters. Surely it isn't harming him? Right?

Next time, skip his music.

[Lattes4Days]

I could understand if I sent him a rap song about dancing at the clubs or something really trashy, but it wasn't, it was a rap song about not giving up on yourself and dreaming higher. It was inspirational with a good beat. Now I'm worried he's super judgmental or thinks lowly of me for liking rap. 

[Alpacalia]

When did you start dating?

The thing is, not everyone is going to like what you like.  If he is acting like a complete snob and completely disregarding your comfort level, that says more about him than just his musical interests.  

A reasonable response to disliking someone else's taste is, "Meh it's not my thing, but whatever floats your boat."

[Lattes4Days]

2 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

When did you start dating?

The thing is, not everyone is going to like what you like.  If he is acting like a complete snob and completely disregarding your comfort level, that says more about him than just his musical interests.  

A reasonable response to disliking someone else's taste is, "Meh it's not my thing, but whatever floats your boat."

Few weeks. Do you think his response was alarming though or no cause for concern? 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Lattes4Days said:

He said its "not his taste and that kind of music is not a good look on you (me)." He went on to say that I'm perfect except for my love of rap. Kinda bummed about this. He sent me a song he liked that I didnt care for but I didnt insult his taste for it, I just said cool and moved on. Then this happened. I'm wondering if this is a red flag or I'm just being too sensitive? 

The bolded was completely unnecessary and judgmental of both you and others who enjoy the same music.   Whereas your response to his taste in music was delivered with tact.  

[basil67]

1 minute ago, Lattes4Days said:

Few weeks. Do you think his response was alarming though or no cause for concern? 

Honestly, I'd probe this a little deeper and find out if he's a judgy type of person in general.  "Hey, when you said that rap music is not a good look on me, what exactly did you mean?"  

[Alpacalia]

15 minutes ago, Lattes4Days said:

Few weeks. Do you think his response was alarming though or no cause for concern? 

There is something I dislike with the comment "it's not a flattering look for you."

In the same vein, the comment about you being "perfect" except for your music taste is jarring.

Possibly he is gauging compatibility, and that may be a deal breaker for him.

I might say to him something along the lines of "I find it odd that you're dating me if you find my music taste so unsettling."

 

Edited September 24, 2022 by Alpacalia

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Lattes4Days said:

. He said its "not his taste and that kind of music is not a good look on you (me)." He went on to say that I'm perfect except for my love of rap. 

How long have you been dating? How often do you see each other in person?

Is this really about songs or something deeper with regard to compatibility and lifestyles?

[Lattes4Days]

As far as I know its just about the song. This is our first "disagreement"

[Wiseman2]

5 minutes ago, Lattes4Days said:

As far as I know its just about the song. This is our first "disagreement"

How long have you been dating? How often do you see each other in person? If a song is a potential make it or break it issue this early on there's something else going on.

[Lattes4Days]

3 weeks. Every weekend. I dont know if its a deal breaker, I'm just confused about his whole comment. I hope its not a deal breaker, then again I dont even know if its a red flag.

After he said its not a good look on me, he said "but I want you to be able to be yourself so..." then he complimented my personality.

He also made a comment about rap culture and thats why he doesn't like it.

Edited September 24, 2022 by Lattes4Days

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Lattes4Days said:

.

He also made a comment about rap culture and thats why he doesn't like it.

So it's not really about songs it's about you felt he put down your culture? Or he's trying to be controlling?

Nobody breaks up over whether they like a song or not. You'll have to reflect on what the real problem is.

Are you from different backgrounds?

Edited September 24, 2022 by Wiseman2

[Lattes4Days]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

So it's not really about songs it's about you felt he put down your culture? Or he's trying to be controlling?

Nobody breaks up over whether they like a song or not. You'll have to reflect on what the real problem is.

Are you from different backgrounds?

Its not even my culture, but I can appreciate rap culture. He apparently has negative feelings about it in general. I worry that it may be a sign of being controlling, yes. I dont know though. I also feel embarrassed that I even showed him the song at all. Like maybe he lowered his respect of me? I have no idea.

Edited September 24, 2022 by Lattes4Days

[Wiseman2]

31 minutes ago, Lattes4Days said:

.After he said its not a good look on me, he said "but I want you to be able to be yourself so..." 

Well that's double talk, isn't it? There's something happening that you are not comfortable with. Step back and reflect what it really is.

Make sure it's not PUA "negging" (google it) .  These are deliberately backhanded remarks to confuse women.

Maybe you're not compatible, maybe you're just too sensitive, you'll have to figure it out as you go along.

[basil67]

OMG 'negging'!    It hadn't occurred to me, but yes!!!

[Alpacalia]

OP have you told him you did not like that comment?

You can judge by his response if he cares by how he responds when you share your feelings. If he makes it about himself, be sure he is NOT the right person for you because he simply does not care about your feelings.

[Lattes4Days]

Gosh...I hope its not negging...

[Lattes4Days]

19 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

OP have you told him you did not like that comment?

You can judge by his response if he cares by how he responds when you share your feelings. If he makes it about himself, be sure he is NOT the right person for you because he simply does not care about your feelings.

No I struggle with confrontation so I laughed it off. I know its not healthy. So far this is the only issue though. He's been respectful otherwise. 

[Alpacalia]

9 minutes ago, Lattes4Days said:

No I struggle with confrontation so I laughed it off. I know its not healthy. So far this is the only issue though. He's been respectful otherwise. 

Kind of ruins it when they are respectful and kind otherwise but make a rude remark.

In the end, dating someone who you can't be yourself around is pointless.

[Wiseman2]

6 hours ago, Lattes4Days said:

He said its "not his taste and that kind of music is not a good look on you (me)." He went on to say that I'm perfect except for my love of rap

Next time someone sends mixed signals. Don't "confront", but clarify. Simply say "what do you mean by....(it doesn't look good on me..)?" or whatever the backhanded remark is.

[poppyfields]

7 hours ago, Lattes4Days said:

Do you think his response was alarming though or no cause for concern? 

For me, it's not that he doesn't like the music.

But that he said "it's not a good look on you" or however he phrased it. 

Apparently, your taste in music doesn't match the image he has of you, projected on to you, and yes that IS a red flag imo.

And the fact he had the gall to say it?  One has to question his motivation for saying it after only three weeks.  

On it's face, it sounds controlling and that he was attempting to throw you off balance, just my take. 

Frankly not sure why you're questioning it, you know it was a red flag, you feel it in your whole being otherwise this thread wouldn't exist. 

Learn to trust your own intuition and listen to your body's reactions. 

I think you know what to do. 

 

Edited September 24, 2022 by poppyfields

[HazelBliss]

8 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

Is it the rap song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHBgMOFc9AI

I actually like that song. Send that one to him!

Even so, I am totally guilty of turning the volume down when I hear really heavy metal music.

Whatever performer, artist, or song brings you joy, that's what matters. Surely it isn't harming him? Right?

Next time, skip his music.

NOOOOO LOL the rap community does not respect nick cannon as a rapper lol they find him goofy and lame so that would not be a great choice esp for this guy who hates rap music.. I think she should ditch this guy anyways.. he sounds super judgmental and if he was that way with music, there's no telling what's going to come out is mouth next thats even more offensive. 

Edited September 24, 2022 by HazelBliss

[smackie9]

To me music and what you listen to is part of who you are. For me I would never date anyone that was into country music. In your situation this says incompatible and ya his comment is pretty judgey.

[glows]

Are you turned off? I’d take a less passive approach and either clarify or process what you feel, whether it’s being turned off due to incompatibility, disliking his attitude in general or whatever. I wouldn’t go so far as to wonder whether he thinks less of you. It’s completely the other way around. Figure out how you feel about him and make your choice whether to keep seeing him.